i've spent a lot of time thinking about mikey's relationship with the ideas of "strength" and weakness", and why being weak is something he fears so much - i think there's multiple layers to it - but one aspect i'm considering currently that i hadn't too much before is that i do think he has some level of fear of rejection. like thinking he'll be rejected/abandoned if he's weak.
that's not the whole of it, of course. i'm blanking out atm (thanks brainfog) but there's other elements of it like fear of others being hurt/being unable to protect them, potentially feeling like being strong is what gives him worth/makes up for his 'darkness'/weak sides, the toxic masculinity angle that i still need to think more on/need more brainpower to fully dissect, but like. there is some fear of the external reaction he'd face from his loved ones on top of all that too, i think.
you could maybe argue that he's just projecting the importance he puts on strength onto them and assuming they'd feel the same, which i need to think about more too, but idk. i think the way he remembers his father and how his mother always valued his strength might've factored in too... i wonder if he's also afraid of the idea that if he shows his weakness, that'll be a burden on others that'll end up getting them hurt as well? which of course is peak irony because they end up getting hurt anyway/arguably even more when he tries to handle everything by himself......................
i was going to write way more and talk about why i suddenly got this impression that he's afraid of rejection as well but the brainfog has hit SO hard while writing this and i'm struggling to put things in words now, so. i will stop. BUT I MUST SPEND MORE TIME THINKING ABOUT THIS GOING FORWARDS...........
