#threads; cass

 “I promise I’m not trying to be such a negative asshole, I just.. sometimes I think about how I’m not picking out a Christmas tree with my kid or making cutout cookies or pretending to be Santa Claus and I know it’s crazy but…I miss a kid I never even got to meet. Stupid, right?” She sniffed and looked up at the ceiling to avoid letting anymore tears fall. “I’m sorry, it’s–don’t hold my crazy against me. It’s hereditary, I think.” She inhaled deeply to compose herself. “I love you too, Cass, I’m sorry..for this. Movies and cookies sound great. Coffee?”

  “No, baby, it’s not stupid.” She moved quietly to sit beside Sally then, Cass’ hands sliding between and squeezing Sally’s gently, calmly despite the coiling in her gut. Whether it be guilt or sympathy she could never really be sure, but the twist in her chest was the same every time she couldn’t physically do something about the way that Sally was feeling. She wanted to help her heal from the traumas she was forced to endure, she felt guilty for not being physically able to give her the gift that was lost, anxious that Sally wouldn’t be wholly happy unless she had that normal, ideal family setting..but mostly, she just wanted Sally to be okay again. Like she was before that douchebag ruined her self-esteem, when she could smile and catch snowflakes and allow herself to love and be loved. Cass wanted to help her find that again, to feel that again, she just..only hoped that she could. Such a flood was probably prominent in the way she gazed back at Sally, a hopeful little smile curling at the corner of her lips at the openness Sally trusted her with, deflections aside. “You’re not crazy, Sally. You’re not insane or an asshole or being unreasonable -- you’re grieving. That’s normal.”

  Truth be told, she didn’t know what she would do in the same situation. Her daughter was entrusted upon her at age nine and even so, had anything happened to Sky, she would have lost herself entirely. She would be mental, entirely beside herself if her child was taken from her. Sally carried this baby for months only to have that taken from her, for the individual she was supposed to be able to trust to just abandon her while she was in pain and that alone still pissed Cass off to no prevail. Of course Sally was hurting, of course it would take time, but she was here. She was here, like she always was and will be.

happy merry holiday asks ; 

@thelcstsister

  “Sally.” It was but a whisper from another room; amplified enough for only her lovely girlfriend’s ears to hear as Cass leaned happily against double-wide doorway, waiting patiently for Sally to round said corner. A deep shade of pink tinted her cheeks as she smiled at her lover lady, snowflakes melting into her hair and decorating her coat from their prior war of snow. Everyone else was still outside building their fortresses, but she snuck inside after Sally excused herself for restroom purposes, taking the opportunity to poorly tape the little piece of garnish above the entrance-way she currently occupied.  

  Cass draped her arms loosely around Sally’s neck before pulling her in closer, feigning innocence in the sudden notice of their placement. Sliding warm hand along the woman’s neck to guide her into a soft brush of the lips, chilly nose mingling with hot breath and light laughter the moment they separated. “I just wanted you all to myself for a minute,” she smirked, resting forehead against Sally’s temple for a moment or two of embrace before placing another little smooch to her cheek, humming with contentment, “now let’s go destroy those boys.”

Sally just stared ahead as Cass re-entered the room. She didn’t even really hear what the other said, her thoughts were too loud. They screamed so loudly she couldn’t focus, causing her head to spin with every negative thought and point of blame and doubt and questions until it finally came to a crescendo of noise into immediate, deafening silence. Her eyes widened and she jumped as her brain came back into focus with her surroundings. Cass was wrapping a blanket around her shoulders. “Thanks,” she murmured softly, grabbing the edges of it and curling it around herself tightly. She didn’t have the energy to fight it. It had been three days since she lost the baby. Nobody knew except Cass, Luke, and Lori. And Kevin, of course. He took it upon himself to use her miscarriage as an out. He blamed her. Hell, she blamed herself. How could she not? She thought she was doing everything right… Why couldn’t she do anything right? A tear slid down her cheek, although she barely noticed. All she felt was guilt and pain. When she finally spoke again, it was a quiet apology. “I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t be here, I just.. I didn’t want to be alone.”

  Somehow they always ended up here; standing at each other’s doorsteps in the middle of the night, inevitable in their gravitation towards the other - towards the connection they shared. Nothing else ever seemed to matter during these hours, everything in the middle faded into distant blur as comfort was sought from the only one to come to mind in that moment. Nothing else mattered that night, and nothing else mattered tonight except for the woman at her bedside. She’d led Sally to her room immediately upon seeing the condition she was in, but not in a devious way of intent..but a private gesture of affection. Providing a quiet, secluded place for them to talk without awkward interruption.