Pollux sat, for once, not drinking wine. Instead, between his fingertips, he held a bottle of vodka and shot glass. Or, well, he did hold a glass. The glass had been sat aside, the hellhound opting to simply drink straight from the bottle. He had decided to take sips while he attempted to forget a few burdening thoughts. He wasn’t really one for drinking harder alcohol, no. He would, but only ever socially. But here he was, drinking straight vodka, sitting on the floor of the kitchen, and forgetting everything he was doing. He felt worthless. Maybe he was worthless, either way, he didn’t care. All he wanted was to go to sleep. His throat burned, but he didn’t even dare to stand. He would fall. His mind was so out of it, he didn’t even notice the footsteps drawing closer, his head leaning back against the dark cabinets.
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Pollux sat on the couch, alone, with Church. The only light in the dark living room was from the television, as he waited. He wanted to go to sleep with at least cuddling one of his boyfriends. Both of them were working tonight-- Pollux was off. He heard the door open, Church barking at the sound, but not leaving Pollux’s side. That is, until Pollux hopped up himself, hopping ahead of the dog to greet whoever came home. Maybe it was just Fei or Mira or someone else, but the hound could only hope. He was a puppy at heart, who could blame him for acting in such a way, excited his boyfriends? It might be annoying to some, and he really just hoped they didn’t mind, how excited he got sometimes. Though, his excitement faded, a sleeve coming up to cover his nose. “Why do you smell like shit?” he grumbled, immediately picking up on the stench of someone else.
Pollux truly didn't want to ever talk about his past. It was painful, the abuse that seemed to blur all together. Sometimes he forgot that he wasn't one of the damned. Well, in a way, being a demon, he was, but still. He wasn't *dead.* And he really wished he had been. No soul, meant no afterlife, but anything was better than being abused by Satan.
But he had to talk about it. This was something Alex and Minki *had* to know. They had to know. And he needed help. He hated seeing them upset, yet part of him could hardly do a thing about it, he was always so sad lately. Not getting out of bed wasn't normal, he had to remind himself. He had gotten so use to feeling this way, so use to being sad, so use to feeling as if everything was falling apart and he couldn't stop it. So use to feeling scared, feeling useless.
He sat quietly, chewing at his lip, as they ate. He wanted really just to push this away, not say a word. But he couldn't. That was unhealthy for him, his lovers, and his relationship. So, he took a deep breath, pushing his food forward. "So, as you know, I was technically owned by Satan, he abused me, a lot," he started softly, biting his lip.
"And you know I was Cerberus. I'm technically Greek. I came here knowing hardly any English and mainly Latin. No Korean," he stated, fingers fiddling together. "And just like the myths, Hades and Persephone did 'own' Cerberus. More like, we liked him, they fed us, spoiled up, pampered us. Persephone was really sweet. You guys kind of remind me of them, a little. Persephone was there by choice by the end, and they did love each other a lot, and she was who you had to watch out for," he chuckled fondly, a sad look passing over his face. "So they spoiled my brothers and I. Because I only mentioned briefly, I had brothers. Than and Eugenious. Birth and death. But yeah, so, yeah. I never explained what happened to them, or Hades and Persephone, or how Satan got ahold of me," he continued, looking up briefly then down to his hands again.
"Hades and Persephone was killed in the turn of Christianity. And people stopped believing in them too, stopped worshipping, they grew weak. Hades allowed my brothers and I to separate with what little power and like, for a century or so, I was me, spoiled, and I liked the name Agapetos because he and her loved me, and then-- I-I never got a chance to mourn their deaths. Hound form I can't cry. I never got to cry about their deaths," he whimpered, feeling the tears already welling up. “I watched them be killed in front of me. I-I couldn’t do anything, because I was Agapetos and not Cerberus and how the fuck do you even kill someone as powerful as Satan?” he whimpered, fists clenching as he pushed himself to continue.
“And to top it off, Satan killed my brother Eugenious. Than— I don’t know where he is. I always assumed he was dead, but I don’t know. I really don’t know. I wouldn’t be surprised, so I didn’t— I didn’t get to mourn his death either because you can’t fucking cry in hound form,” he whimpered, feeling the tears falling down his cheeks. He couldn’t control them. He brushed them away with his sleeves. “And then— I don’t know how long it has been. I just know over 2,000 years. Over. Way over. It could be more towards 5,000 or more years. But all that time, all the fucking time, it was pain, and something I did wrong, and I couldn’t be human. Sometimes I’d go so long I’d forget I was human. When he was angry, which is *all the time* I’d be his own little punching bag. Kicking bag. Agapetos, he used that mockingly. He’d remind me they were all dead. Everyone I knew and love was dead. Fucking dead. That’s why I was so, so scared of you guys interfering with any of that stuff, because he killed people I love before, and I can’t—“ he choked up, squeezing his eyes shut as he brought his sweater up to not lose it anymore. “Imagine centuries, millenniums…. abuse from the punisher of souls. He— did things. It was normal. When you found me, I hadn’t eaten in nine months. I escaped before. Nine months prior, of course, and— he drug me back himself, claws digging into the ground and all. And he chained me up with this special collar he made for me. It had spikes that went just far enough in my neck to not cut my head off. He left me in the middle of no where with the souls of the damned talking, no food, no water. He released me and I ran, again. And you guys found me, and loved me and lately I’ve been so scared, is all. So scared and sad. I don’t want to lose you guys, and I’m scared that I will, because I’ve never had anything. This— These have been the best time in my entire life, the best.”
He bit his lip. “When I went back to hell, the only thing that kept me sane and fighting instead of giving up like he wanted, was you guys. He almost killed me. Asmodeus made a deal and stepped in before he could kill me. But he almost slit my throat. He had that damn collar again,” he sniffled, “I’m trying to keep everything together and contained and I don’t want to bother you guys, but I can’t get out of bed some days because I think of that and those damn souls of the damned whispering, and I think of losing you guys and I just can’t get out of bed because you guys have plenty of people in your life, and— sleep with, and I’m like, why do you just want a mutt?” It wasn’t everything, but it was a summary, a start.
Pollux really wished he could be in two places at once. That really was the biggest downside of being in a relationship with two people. He couldn’t comfort them both at the same time if the reason they were distressed was due to each other. It sucked, but it was a fact, and he’d simply have to split his time and hope everything was okay. The previous night, he had spent with Alex. Not out of favoritism, but because Pollux knew he was the softer of the two– even if he wouldn’t admit it. Just as he wouldn’t admit a few other things. He could get hurt, easily, by Minki or Pollux, and he showed it. Even if it was through sex, drugs, and potential violence.
Minki was different, the opposite. Pollux had never seen him cry, never fucked away the sadness. Minki was quiet, withheld his emotions, just as with the secrets he withheld. Pollux understood. But was it right? No. But he did understand. And just as Alex was hurt, Minki surely was too, so, Pollux did everything he could to be there for the both– even if they were shutting him out slightly. He lived for the both of them, however, at times, they really could be infuriating. Just like now, when Alex was upset, and Minki was as well. And both of them apparently just enjoyed to deal with their problems with drugs instead of healthily talking through things. Even with Pollux there, maybe, just maybe, they’d be able to settle things out. But apparently not.
He had spent the night with Joon, just as a friend, of course, just because of the stress of everything. Again, he loved them both, but this whole situation was, stressful. He wanted to rest peacefully, but he also didn’t want to go to either Alex’s or Minki’s home. So, Joon, a friend who was close to him, was his only other option. But now he was back, letting out a soft sigh. He ran a hand through his hair as he opened the door of Minki’s house, the air still and quiet. He took a very deep breath. “Minki,” he called throughout the house, but already figured he would be in his study, like usual. It was still worth an attempt.
