annora,
as i write this, you sleep so very soundly. blissfully unaware of the world around you. i used to sleep, too. now all i do is watch you.
it’s hard to take my eyes off of you and yet when we are together, it feels as if the sun itself lives inside of me. when we are together, a love as bright as the sun burns in my chest. my love, in all my years of living, i have never felt more alive.
the love i have for you is all consuming. there is nothing else like it in the entire universe.
and yet ... i am scared. i am scared they are using you, like they used me. scared they are using you to get to me.
scared that everything is genuine and there is no one else but you.
scared of pulling you down with me, that they will never let you return again.
you deserve to see where we came from. you deserve better and so much more than what i can give you.
i am so very sorry for leav
he stops. pen hovering over the paper. this letter, these words were too personal. too much. he looks back at her, still sleeping peacefully, with a small smile on her lips even. it would be better if she didn’t know, he thinks as if she doesn’t already know. as if they even have to SAY anything to each other. the looks that they give each other is enough.
tonight was enough.
his chest begins to well up with emotion. regret, perhaps. for what he is about to do. for hurting her, even though he is trying not to. and for not being able to let go of the tight feeling in his chest, the heart palpitations he receives whenever he thinks he is being controlled. whenever he thinks his life is being controlled.
i will not be controlled, he repeats to himself like a mantra.
but then tears begin to well in blue eyes that trace her lips, her jaw, her neck, her shoulder. how dare they trick him to love this much. oh, but she makes it so easy.
still a brand new angel, not even alive for three hundred years, and have yet to see the absolute horrors of this world. but she has seen much of the earth’s delights. the blessing of mortals and their always evolving ways. he sees the love that she has for life on earth day in and day out. it is both inspiring and dangerous at the same time.
would another angel be mesmerized and stay until the end of time ?
he blinks himself out of a trance. wipes his eyes and takes a deep breath. the smallest chuckle pushes out of his nostrils and the corner of his lips tugs just that little bit before he turns his attention back to the paper in front of him. he folds the paper already written on and slides it into his pocket before starting another.
i hope one day you will fo
... no. that’s not it, he thinks and tosses it into the fire.
i love you more than anything
absolutely not, he thinks and does it again.
i must go. i wish you well. with everything. please forgive me.
benjamin stares at the words. he can see the words i love you imprinted on the paper from the previous one, but does not think much about it. this one. this is it. it does not reveal too much so that it would hurt more. he does not say i love you to her. it is short and to the point. filled with all the regret and pain in the world.
he nods. satisfied with it. and signs it.
always yours,
benjamin.
@illuminatvm
