‘The daffodil is a symbol of many things, such as regard, chivalry, rebirth, new beginnings, and eternal life. However its most notorious hidden meaning is that of unrequited love.’ Alois looked at the pages before him, blue eyes filled with an aching sorrow as he cast his gaze up. Through the window behind him he could see the daffodils growing in the garden, as per his order. They were so pretty, but for him, who had known their meaning, it hit all too close to home. He rose from where he sat and slipped the book back onto his shelf. His fingers ran over the bindings of the books until he came across one specific one. ‘The Crime of Queer Love’. He grimaced, taking the book, pulling open the window, and throwing it so hard out into the garden that it fell into one of the bushes. It left an empty void behind it upon the shelf, but he didn’t care. He’d replace it with an even better book. A book that didn’t spew such terrible things.
‘If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.’ Was that not what pastors screamed in sermons? Was that not the verse which they chanted into their ears over and over again. He trembled a bit. despite such things why could he never shake off these feelings which bloomed in his chest. ‘Boys can’t love boys.’ He thought to himself so often, and yet he only found that he contradicted himself. He contradicted himself because he loved a boy. He loved a boy more than he ever loved a girl, he would give anything just to be able to hold him, to kiss him, to be by his side for all eternity. Yet it was forbidden... How many days now has he been in this deep emotional pit, just pondering this. It’s a miracle he got out of bed this morning, even more so a miracle that he let Claude dress him.
There was concern in the servant’s eyes as he wandered like a husk about the Trancy estate. “Your Highness, this boo--” Claude started. “Burn it!” Alois interrupted his tone quick and swift. “I don’t care who sees it, I don’t care what you have to do, destroy that book! I never want to see it again!” He hissed, it was the truth. He didn’t ever want to see it again. It was a good thing that the butler had grabbed it before he found himself wandering out into the garden. If he had found that book while he was out there, who knew what he’d do. A close eye was kept on the young Earl, in these low spells he was prone to behavior that was less than ideal. Bouts of aggression punctuated by self-destructive tendencies. Concealed bandages that had to be placed upon him due to his own crazed hand. The fear of him dying during one of these heavy depressions was very real and very bothersome for those in the manor. And yet all the while he never once asked for help. Too prideful, too scared, he knew he had to keep it a secret or else it was off to the asylum with him.
A bed of flowers. He lay there among the daffodils staring up at the darkening sky. He smelled... rain... But he didn’t care. Let the rain pour down upon him, hide his tears when they decide to come, he didn’t care very much. His clothes were stained by blood and mud anyways. He was picking at those damn bandages again, if Claude found out he’d be pissed, but he didn’t care too much. It wasn’t his problem. He just wanted to vent out the frustration boiling in his stomach. Why did he have to fall for him of all people-- someone who is already betrothed. Someone who probably didn’t even really like him all that much. He was an ugly spider, and Ciel was a beautiful wolf... A sigh escaped his lips and he let himself close his eyes. Just for a moment. He opened them to a shadow and a drop of rain. The silhouette was unrecognizable as the rain dragged him to reality.
“C-Ciel!?” He gasped, jolting up, not noticing how his sleeves have turned a bright crimson, not noticing that the rain was beginning to pour down, not remembering the fact that the other was suppose to come today to discuss a mission that the queen had assigned them. So many things lost just because of this trough in his emotions. “We... schedule for you to come here today for business, didn’t we?” Just his luck.
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