@esotericdescent : β Weβre a team, arenβt we? Teams stick together. Even when the leader is being a prick.β jesper to inej
π‘ Inej always joked that she had learned to manage her expectations when it came to the arrangements in Jesper's room and all that could be found within it. They all knew to expect the unexpected, because he stored all sorts of trinkets. He had it all, from collections of ridiculous, multicoloured hats to stolen pots for plants he never grew to the tiniest of glittering pins for his vests.
Anything was expected be found in this room.
Anything but a crying boy.
Inej had only caught but a sliver of Jesper's argument with Kaz after returning to the Slat, but before she could make sense of the situation, they had both already turned away. Then there was the sound of thudding footsteps up the stairs, followed by a door getting slammed shut only to creak open again.
It had been the third sound, however, that made her stop in her tracks, just before she could reach her own room.
Weeping.
Not an unfamiliar sort of noise in the slightest but still so, so rare.
Before she knew it, Inej had gravitated towards that door, still ajar, but did not try to peer into Jesper's room.
Out of sheer habit, Inej's focus shifted from the sight of this unlocked door to her knowledge of the wide window that Jesper usually left open to the fact that if she chose to slip into his room, he would not hear her coming.
And then the sobbing quietened and she was back in her own consciensce and terribly ashamed.
This was no target, no careless merchant inviting her in to have his secrets stolen. This was Jesper, and she would only offer him her presence if he allowed it first.
So Inej raised a hand and reached out towards his door, asking for that acceptance with no more than three gentle knocks.
-
For a few minutes, Jesper wouldn't speak, wouldn't look at her, so Inej kept a respectful distance and a steady focus on the empty and partially cracked flower pot on his windowsill.
She felt the most pressing urge to buy him some flower seeds, only to then realize that no such thing could take root within the ruthless cold of Ketterdam and survive under the grey of its sky.
She heard Jesper sniffle, tried to remember if she had ever seen him cry before. Did it even matter? She knew that his feelings had been as such for a while now and still she could do nothing to free him from his anguish. A few visible tears would not change that, for it was a sort of anguish that they shared and she, too, remained entrapped by it. So she waited.
His reply came, as it often did, through an understatement as phrased through a surprisingly touching and, admittedly, quite funny joke; a subtle sign that he was ready for her to finally look at him.
Since he had been seated at the edge of his mattress when she had come in, Inej had also sat on the floor, right next to the door that she had properly shut; but now she scooted closer, close enough for her knee to brush against his.
Silence settled. Their eyes met.
"There are moments when I wish I could resent him more so I could dishearten you less."
In that moment, she thought she caught another glimpse of a tear glistening upon his cheek, and her heart ached.
But this was already too much vulnerability for them both to handle so quickly. So Inej tried to balance things out with a joke of her own, just as she reached a hesitant hand out to hold onto his.
"Let me steal you away," she said with a gentle smile. "I'll carry you across the rooftops so the stars themselves can see just how wonderful you are. I'll take you with me everywhere."
She squeezed his hand, her thumb rubbing circles over his knuckles.
"And then you'll start moving too much and I'll probably drop you and we'll fall together. We'll end up in some Barrel alleyway with broken arms and dislocated shoulders. And even though we'll both be careless pricks, shattered and bruised and stubborn to no end, we'll still be a team."
Her smile faded and was soon replaced by a certain bitter emphasis in her eyes.
"The injury will vary every time, Jesper, but even if I'm hurting alongside you, you will never owe me your pain. You do not owe anyone your pain. And if it gets too much. . . you have every right to walk away. For I would much rather see you unharmed from a distance than settle for the comfort of your company as we both suffer."
