#Thoughts On.. Is wanting to escape, just mindlessly overlooking the real problem?
    There are so many moments where I've just wanted to get up and leave. Where I've wanted to walk away from rumours, my reputation, my actions, all the relationships between people, just to start a new with all things I've learnt, and be a better person, else where; a person that didn't make such bad mistakes. What I don't understand is that I believe, that a place is only as good as the company you keep, and I love where I live, and yes I love the idea of seeing new places, but what I get isn't a hunger to actually run away from where I live and never turn back; i'd miss everything too much. No problem, no matter how many there are, is worth giving up completely everything. But still, even knowing it wouldn't make me happy, I wish I could escape for some reason. I guess a part of it is regret and wishing I knew what I knew back then so I wouldn't do it, in lots of different situations. But when I really think about it, that's not what I actually want either. Everyone messes up from time to time, and a life without those mess ups is just a life time of living on the safe side, being naive; listening to others warn you off their idea of danger and not finding out for yourself. You wouldn't really have your own personal views, instincts. You wouldn't feel the true consequence of actions to keep you on the straight track. It would probably feel like you're still a child, depending on another before each step you make. I can't truly regret anything because it's made me who I am today. When I think about it, every bad situation I've faced, it's brought some good, whether that be in understanding, new experiences, or resting curious urges. I guess it's like coming out of a bad situation in the best alternative out of two unfortunate outcomes.
The mind is such a funny thing. I seem to dwell on the negatives so much that I don't even realise the positives until I look back and reflect. Maybe forcing myself to be more positive will stop me being hung up on regret. When you think positively, your mind set becomes stronger, and the little things don't seem to niggle at you as much.  I know part of my itch to escape, is to hide from those that have opinions from my actions, those that quite understandably don't grasp consciously in the moment that we are all just students in life's lessons, forever learning in our own ways. (Cheesy I know, but it was the best way I could put it.) I care too much of what others think, I know I shouldn't but it's something I'm working on. Which gives me all the more reason to stay put and face the music. The thing I seem to forget a lot of the time, (also probably because I hang on to the negatives and get caught up in it) is that people may talk and see you in a certain light, whether it's from their own eyes or other's judgements, it's originated from your actions. So really, if you put a stop to those actions, by making new ones in the present, their views will change over time. You're not the highlight of their life, if your name rolls off their tongue it's because you've reminded them in some way, whether you walked past them or carried out them same action they love to judge so much. If it's an action that you have learnt from and don't want to do again, don't. Over time it will be old news to others. But don't get me wrong here, if you are judged by someone for something you love to do, don't conform to them, if it's something that makes you happy, don't let anyone bring you down for it. You can't please everyone, they will always have something to say about you, it's impossible to be on top of your image all the time, but if you stay positive and be the person you want to be, i.e not repeating such actions, nobody's words should have any reason to bring you down.  Either way, escaping solves nothing, even though it seems the easy way out, it's just hiding. You'd prevent yourself from learning and practising the confidence to be comfortable in your own skin. If your case is secretly regret too, then try and remember that regretting anything is pointless, because deep down, you're thankful for them in some way. I guess we just have to remember that everyone makes mistakes, therefore these people judging you, they've been in your situation too! You are no less or more of a person than they are, don't let their judgements affect you, they will always have them and they will forever change, along with you. Where you are right now, will be no different to a new place, because you're always learning, you will make more mistakes, in front of new surroundings and people. And that is more than okay, It's acceptable. Don't let the idea of escapism prevent you from living. MuchLove 'xoÂ
