I don't know if it's just me, but I'm a little confused by what people write sometimes when they depict the girls reconciling over Rumi's patterns.
Rumi's over here saying, "Don't you hate me? I have patterns," or "My patterns are so ugly." And the girls are like, "No, how could we ever hate you? Your patterns are so pretty."
But it was never about what the patterns looked like but rather what the patterns were supposed to indicate. A sign for possible Danger.
Like if you switched patterns for a big yellow, hazard sign onto Rumi's back, the dialogue would be really strange.
R: "Don't you hate me?
Z&M: "No, how could we ever hate you? The big, yellow hazard sign you have is so pretty.
It just feels a little strange how authors will write Zoey and Mira saying, "No, you shouldn't be ashamed with how gorgeous your marks are" when I always thought Rumi's worries were about becoming dangerous and not what she looked like.
I think I understand that their message is to portray unconditional love, but I suppose it still makes me feel a little weird.
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TW: there's mentions of self-harm and mental struggles
I've been thinking back on the fanfics that I've read so far (most of which have been absolutely delightful), until I had a pretty depressing thought about the patterns demons have. The message of the movie talks about how we can overcome our own inner demons and allow ourselves to be true to ourselves. How we can embrace our patterns, to love the things that used to give us shame. A beautiful message undeniably.
Which brings me to when I come across a lot of fics where Zoey and Mira look at Rumi's patterns and their first thought is how much they love them, how beautiful they are. They wonder why Rumi hid them away when the patterns were so gorgeous.
But then my first thought in response to that was,
Wow, isn't it so easy to accept something when it looks so beautiful? Isn't it wild that the appearance of her shame shines like diamonds on her skin? Of jewel-like veins that glide across the canvas that is her body?
Which is such a shallow take because I know that's not the point, but the thought still lingers.
What I do acknowledge is this: It's not really that the patterns were beautiful. It's that Zoey and Mira could find beauty where it wouldn't normally be. And that's love.
I think what my problem was really about was how it reminded me of people who could say things like why didn't you tell me or why hide it?
I think about people and the "patterns" that they may have. The struggles that they face. And they're not always so beautiful.
Their "patterns" are bloody, ugly things. violent. of sleepless nights and silent screams through wars they were fighting all on their own.
I think about friends whose "patterns" are cuts ridden all over their body with the intention of inflicting pain. How it's not so easy to look at the evidence of how they've been hurting.
I think about how there's fics where there's even kids that want tattoos that look like Rumi's shimmering patterns. How it's not so simple when you imagine "patterns" of self-harm. Of mental illness. Of addiction. Of other sources of shame. How it's harder to love the sight of these.
Now, I don't want these fics to stop cause it's about the joy that the movie brings. I still love reading them. There's something refreshing about reading about someone loving someone else so quickly and unconditionally. It just made me think about other things too.
I suppose I was just thinking about how much easier it could for Zoey and Mira to stomach the sight of Rumi's patterns because they looked beautiful.
Of diamonds. Of jewels.
~~~
Okay I just slept and had some coffee and after reading back on my words, I'm reorienting my thoughts.
It's not that Zoey and Mira like the look of Rumi's patterns because they're beautiful.
It's that they love the look of Rumi's recovery.
The patterns only began to glow like diamonds once she allowed herself to begin healing. by not hiding.
I think this is all just to say that the movie's message is still really good. Don't be afraid to show yourself. Healing doesn't start until you acknowledge all parts of you.
Even if your "patterns" are hard to look at, I think that the image of someone trying to heal is truly the most beautiful thing.
