#thought broadcasting

When he told his parents, his mom accepted it and made the switch. It took his dad a little to come around. His dad was still grieving, so it registered, but he pushed it to the back of his head to deal with at a later date. Miles dealt with subtle things but nothing super horrible. Things that made him cringe internally.

“Hey, Jeff! Hey, it’s little Michaela. Wow, you’ve grown, and cut your hair, I see. Trying something new?” <- one of his dad’s police buddies while they’re at the station one day.

“Yeah, I know, right? Time flies with only one kid. Michaela’s been — I mean, Miles. Miles moved schools recently, so he’s still adjusting to the new academy. He’s a Brooklyn Heights student now. It’s got dorm rooms and everything.” <- His dad in response, patting Miles’ shoulder as he corrected himself, letting his police teammate piece it together as they walked away.

It made him a little embarrassed, but it didn’t happen again, so he brushed it off.

Miles bought a binder at some point in time, keeping him sane as a makeshift solution for top surgery.

Wants it but will not get it as he’s terrified of needles/ the idea of surgery.

He never told Peter or anyone when they met, just introduced himself as Miles and let it rock.

Following Aaron’s death, his powers, and his Spider-Man dying to Kingpin, the guilt of being associated with all three made him feel suffocated. He was depressed for a long time and never told anyone. His depression and anxiety about it ruined his ability to sleep. Socially, he had a damn good poker face. He also couldn’t admit when he needed help.

Miles “quit” being spiderman a lot.

He took a break once when he was 14, he was falling behind in class because of stress and exhaustion and his parents had no clue why. He gradually kept going and considered stopping again when Gwen showed up and after the incident in Pav’s dimension, the guilt of his universe collapsing was weighing him down.

He also had a bunch of wounds that needed to heal without his parents knowing. The last thing he needed was for someone at school to assume his parents were hitting him.

After some time in Earth 42 and a lot of exercise, he was able to go home and kept going to save his dad. He quit for "good" the 3rd time, after a run in with the Spot. One of his friends had gotten injured during the run in and almost died while he was trying to get Spot away from his friend. He swore he wouldn't let anyone else get hurt after Aaron and he thought not being spider-man would prevent that. (His depression and anxiety led to burn out and played a major role in why he kept quitting as well)

PS. It didn’t.

He was in the hospital twice for suicide.

He begged the hospital not to give him his mom. There were like 5 nurses w/ his last name, so when his mom came in, he wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out.

“Hello, my name is Rio, I'll be your nurse today. It's funny, you have the same name as my son. God, I hope that will never be the case.” <- Rio reading and dropping his chart when she looked up to see her son in that bed.

Her chest got tight, feeling like someone sucked all the air out of the room as she opened the window. Miles avoided her gaze at all cost like he was dodging the press. His face was hot with fear of what she’d say next. It was like he was back on Aaron’s bathroom floor all over again.

When he sniffled out an apology under his breath, she caught it as she clutched her chest. She sank to her knees, thanking whatever god was out there for keeping her entire heart alive.

Once he was allowed to leave, his parents sat down and made him spill his guts. They sat there for hours, just watching him not say anything.

Truth be told, he's scared of dying so he'd never actually kill himself. Which he admitted to them.

When he draws, he draws all his characters with small little self harm scars on the bodies as a comfort thing because he did the same thing.

Miles has a playlist when he draws. It’s Aaron’s playlist from his phone that he kept.