#thorn?torn

A/N: Surprise! I know I said probably on Monday or Tuesday, but I couldn't help myself. I adore you guys so much already, so here's a little gift from me. The next chapter of Thorn? Torn. I'd like to call this chapter, "The Calm before the Storm." Lol, anyways. That's the only thing I'm giving out about the next one, not gonna give out any further details. 

CHAPTER(S): ONE. TWO. THREE. THREE/2. FOUR. FIVE. SIX.

PAIRING: READER X ???? (It's still a secret, but you guys can draw up to your own conclusions ehehehehehe *insert tom laughing

PREVIOUSLY ON THORN? TORN.

I wanted to scream, I couldn’t breathe. I look at Loki one last time who now stood before me, concern etched on his face before shaking my head, more at myself– disapprovingly. This was wrong. I stalked away, my feet taking me away from the living area in search for the comforts of a room that I currently now resided but before I could get away too far, I felt his cold hand again– this time on my waist. He pulled me back, spinning me around to face him. “Y/N, breathe. Please.” he said calmly, his hands now moving to grasp my arms.

“Please– please…” I cried, shaking my head as I start to push him away. “Please, just leave me alone.”

I avoided his gaze, even as he releases me from his grip. I didn’t even bother to look at him as I ran away.

Ran towards my room.

Away from someone who just wanted to help.

They can’t help you. You can’t be helped.

You’re dangerous.

I wanted to scream. These voices pounded in my head. I wanted to tear myself apart.

I was falling apart.

And instead of asking for help, I pushed it away.

Pathetic.

CHAPTER FIVE

My eyes meet the white ceiling again as I awoke, the light from outside peeking through a small gap from the curtains– hitting me just right across the face to awaken me from my slumber.

After my encounter with Loki last night and me running away from his help into the comforts of solitary, it took awhile for sleep to consume my exhausted self– my own thoughts ganging up against me as I stared at the ceiling my gaze is currently locked on. I had even imagined burning holes through the ceiling in irritation, maybe if I continued to stare at it for a little while longer it just might happen.

At the moment, I'm in a current battle with myself whether to get out of bed and seek for comfort food but it was up against negative thoughts of meeting the Avengers. After certain events from yesterday, I was positive they would be walking eggshells around me. That's the last thing I wanted to happen, for people to hide their true self from me.

Maybe Loki can assist. I scowled at myself at the thought. No, he doesn't really want to help you.

"Y/N?" Stephen's voice rang through my ears. I fight the urge to let out a sigh, not wanting to worry him. I immediately plastered a smile on my face and push myself up to sit on the bed as I heard his footsteps approaching. "Oh, good. You're awake. Get up, let's get you some breakfast."

The thought of breakfast makes my stomach grumble but I'm still in a battle of leaving the comforts of this room to face people who clearly don't want anything to do with me. "You really sure that's a wise idea, Stephen? After everything–"

He cuts me off with a stern look as he holds his hand out for me to take, "Don't beat yourself up for that, Y/N. We've talked about this."

My gaze drops to his hand, staring at it for a second before letting out a sigh. "Fine, just let me get ready. I'm not getting out of here looking like a train wreck." I muttered underneath my breath and I gestured him to go outside. I watch him leave the room, the door shutting behind him before climbing out of bed and entering the adjoined bathroom.

I was instantly met with a reflection of myself and it was disappointing. I already felt weak, and yet– I look weak too. The bags under my eyes were darker than usual and my skin tone was paler. Was it even possible to have sunken cheeks in just a day?

I wanted to smash the vanity mirror into pieces. I let out a shaky breath as I closed my eyes for a minute to contain my emotions that were suddenly starting to go insane again. When things like this happened, I usually had the gym to take it all out but unfortunately– there hadn't been time, nor do I know where the gym here was located. I had assumed there was a gym; they would need to get in shape after all– for being 'superheroes'.

My muscles relaxed as I regain my composure, splashing cold water to my face a couple of times to awaken my sleepy state. Grabbing a towel that was provided for the room, I gently patted the soft material against my skin to get rid of the excess water. Placing it aside afterwards so I can pull my hair up to a high ponytail– trying my best to make it as neat as possible before conjuring up a black hair-tie with my fingers and using it to tie my hair up in place.

I give myself one last look before retreating from my room, Stephen waiting for me patiently with a worried look on his face. "You're going to look a lot older if you keep looking at me like that."

He shook his head with a laugh, the muscles around his face relaxing as he holds out his hand for me to take. I stare at it for a second before grabbing it with my own, our fingers lacing and he gives it a gentle squeeze. "Everything will be okay, Y/N. You'll see."

Somehow, I doubted it.

Just by approaching the kitchen where the rest of the Avengers were, confirmed my assumptions that everything wasn't going to be okay.

Fake smiles. They don't really care; they're just trying to save their own butts.

"Y/N, hey…" the one I've come to know as Captain America, Steve Rogers greeted as Stephen and I approached one of the counters. I felt Stephen give my hand another squeeze– a sign that I should interact back, but I refused, keeping silent. "Bucky and I over here were just discussing, and he'll love to have you join him in the training room. That is, if you're okay with that."

I look at him then at the man beside him, keeping my best poker face on as I create scenarios in my head. A part of me was screaming to say no, but I needed to release some stress out anyway. I give him a nod and looked back over at Steve, "Thank you. I suppose later will do."

"Right. So once you're ready, Bucky will be waiting for you. No rush." He said coolly, a smile of reassurance plastered on his face. There was something about the Captain that made me feel safe, his aura was calm and gentle. I watched him move away from his spot before looking back over to the man that Captain had called 'Bucky', I couldn't put my finger on it– I couldn't read him as much as I wanted to, which was a surprise.

Releasing Stephen's hand, I placed both of my hands on the cold surface of the counter before Stephen begins to pull a plate for me, food appearing instantly on the platter as he uses his mind to send the flood on the plate instead of picking stuff on his own. I meet Bucky's eyes once more as I felt his gaze never leaving on me. Clearing my throat as I felt awkward in the situation, lightly nipping on the bottom of lip as I find the right words to say in my head before speaking, "Uh, Bucky is there a way you could help me though? I'm not really sure where the training room is."

He watches me for a second before giving me a nod, "Sure, we can train before lunch. I'll be in the common room when you're ready."

All I could muster up was a nod of appreciation before lowering my gaze down to the plate Stephen had pushed towards my direction. "Thanks." I mumbled softly to Stephen, my hand conjuring up a fork. Not removing my gaze away from the food, I started picking on the piece of bacon with the fork before looking back up once I felt that Bucky's presence had retreated. I released a sigh of relief.

"See, you're doing fine." Stephen said reassuringly, snapping me from my thoughts. I scoffed; of course he would think such a thing. "Go on and eat some breakfast so you can get ready for training." I simply nodded as we ate in silence, not bothering to look around the room full of avengers who I felt steal glances towards my way. I can practically feel their stare burning through me like lasers, it's not like I'm going to get someone killed.

I didn't eat much, not really having the appetite to do so. I mean, I was hungry before entering the kitchen– but their stares were more of an off factor for me, it threw me off guard– was watching me eat so entertaining?

I left as soon as I could– eating just enough for Stephen to not pester and fuss about my health. I didn't even look back as I retreated back to my room, even though Stephen was calling me back. I just wanted to be alone, and I wanted to release all of my anger soon.

Time rolled by fast as I prepared for the day to meet with Bucky. I got myself cleaned and dressed into appropriate clothing– a simple sports bra and a pair of black leggings, with matching shoes to go along with it. I honestly didn't know what Bucky had planned for the day. It was probably something I wasn't accustomed to– training with assassins meant being lightweight and quick with every move. Agility and Stealth being the most important things that Master Jia Li and Ru Shi have taught me– but they constantly told me I was nowhere near ready, nowhere near an assassin; my emotions being my mortal enemy, as they like to put it.

I was finally able to track Bucky down at the living area where he patiently waited for me. As soon as I came into his view, he gave me a nod and gestured me to follow him and I obliged– wanting to get this over with as soon as possible.

It took me at least an hour to get used to Bucky's strength, not wanting to use my abilities to have a fair fight. I wanted to, deep down claim– that I could handle his strength but I had a good feeling that he was being easy on me. I inwardly scoffed as I keep my eyes locked on Bucky who didn't even look tired compared to me. I was practically out of breath without using my abilities. He pushed me on, claiming it'd be okay for me to use them but I had refused.

And I'm kind of regretting that now– now that he has me pinned down onto the padded mats, his hand around my throat. My gaze was blurry, as I looked up at him, not really bothering to listen to what he was saying. I had enough of this.

Using all of the energy that I had left, my hand gripped onto his wrist and spun it around causing him to yell in pain. At this moment, my vision was a blur as I pushed myself up– quickly using the advantage to roll us over, using my knee to pin his metal arm down the padded mats and my right foot pressing his now injured hand down causing him to yell out in pain once more, my hand wrapping around his neck.

We stayed in that position for quite sometime, my panting going at an abnormal rate before my eyes widened at the sight of Bucky underneath me. His face was scrunched up in pain and I moved myself away, pushing myself off of him.

I did that.

And I had no recollection as to how I did it.

Everything was a blur.

What the fuck just happened?

"I…" I muttered underneath my breath as I stare down at Bucky who was slowly pushing himself to sit. I shook my head and spun around heading towards the door. It was all too quick, but I don't know how Bucky could have pulled me back by the arm.

"Don't, it's okay." He whispered and I fought the urge to spin around and look at him. It wasn't my intention to hurt him. "You didn't hurt me, Y/N. It's okay, I'm fine. Hey– hey, Y/N. Look at me."

He demanded and I slowly turned, my face scrunched up in worry. "You're just saying that–I…"

"I said, don't." He repeated firmly and all I could muster up was a nod. "I get it, your emotions are all over the place but don't keep it inside. Let it out."

"The moment I let it out, you got hurt! Don't lie to me, I could have broken your wrist!"

"But you didn't!" he barked, causing me to jump a little on the spot, both of his hands now gripping onto my arms, his metal hand pressing against my skin caused me to shiver from the coldness. Just like Loki's. I shook the thought of Loki out of my head as I feel his grip on my arms tighten– his metal hand relaxed, he didn't want to hurt or scare me. "It'll heal, it's fine. You need to understand the more that you keep it all bottled up and you get into situations where you let your emotions take over– that's it! You won't be able to realize what you're doing anymore, and I get that you're scared of that but you need to accept that they are a part of you. Stop being so scared!"

As the day passed by quickly, Bucky and I were attached to the hip. After he had yelled at me, I supposed something snapped and we were yelling back and forth. Stephen worried, but I said nothing. I had wanted to stay by Bucky as he showed me around the tower and eventually I had decided to be left alone once we've reached the library that was provided, it wasn't huge like the one in the manor but it would have to do. Giving Bucky one last look, memories of what had happened in the training room start flooding my mind.

"Have you ever thought that maybe I don't need your fucking help!" I screamed at him as I pulled away from his grasp. "Have you ever thought that just maybe, just fucking maybe– that I don't need anyone telling me to do!"

He scoffed. "Continue telling yourself that, doll but you and I both know that I'm right. You hide away in that little room of yours because you're afraid– afraid of the judgment that might come your way but news flash, princess– that isn't going to help you one bit so stop fighting back and listen!"

"Well, I'm fucking tired of listening! I feel like shit and everything is just too much!" I cried out, stepping forward– and suddenly my fists were punching Bucky's chest as if he was a punching bag back at manor. "I just want everything to stop! I want the people in my head to fucking stop! I want to be left alone! So why can't you do that, huh? Why can't you fucking leave me alone! Why do you have to act all mighty and decide to help me, it's no fucking use! No one can help me!"

"If you think for a second I'm going to feel sorry for that sob story of yours, doll. Think again." He snapped, grasping onto my hands with his own. "I'm not going anywhere, whether you like it or not."

"Y/N? You alright, doll?" he asked snapping me from my thoughts, worry evident in his eyes. The corners of my mouth tug up to a small smile as I give him a nod. "Alright, I'll see you tomorrow then. Training room, usual time."

I watched his retreating figure, my heart beating faster than usual at the thought of training with Bucky tomorrow. He was– he was a person I could trust now, somehow. He was treating me just like what I yearned for– like a person who needed to be put in her place, someone who needed to be slapped of reality without thinking if it's going to affect me because I was an adult who needs to be capable of doing things her own– unlike Stephen, who treated me like a child. Yes, I felt comfortable around Bucky. 

A sigh escaped my lips before I spun around to face the scene of books before me, inhaling the scent of books that surrounded the atmosphere. The library at the manor used to be what could calm me down; reading books would remove the negative voices in my head as I go on certain adventures.

"You seem rather close to the winter soldier."

My attention snapped to the intruder, my position shifting to an alarming stance– ready for an attack, just as like what Bucky taught me earlier.

"Always the feisty one." My intruder chuckled as he began approaching me, his brow arching in curiosity, "What? No dagger this time? I'm disappointed. I quite like your choice of weaponry."

"Loki…" I whispered as my muscles began to relax, shifting my feet to stand straight; my gaze never leaving his figure, "What're you doing here?"

"Well, darling…" he drawled, standing in front of me now, "This is where most of my time is consumed."

He was kidding right? I searched his eyes, his features; even his body language to try and detect an indication that he was telling a lie but to no avail. "You read?"

"Is that such a surprise?" he quirked an eyebrow as he took another step forward. Too– close. "I'm offended. Now, tell me– darling, why is it that you decide to spend time with the soldier but when it came to me you run away? Do I frighten you?" he asked, his voice soft– almost like a whisper that sent a shiver down my spine. Yup, he was very close now. "You seem nervous now, Y/N. Has a feline gotten your tongue? Do I make you nervous?"

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I shake my head before lifting my hands up between the little space we had between us. I press my palms flat against his chest and pushed him away ever so slightly as I spoke, "No, Loki. I'm fine."

A smile almost tugs upon his lips at my actions but before I could push him away further, he holds onto my hands with his– and my heart skips. "Please, don't run away from me this time. Let me help you."

"I–I…" I stuttered from his actions, my hands feeling slightly cold from his touch. I tried my best to avoid his gaze but I was completely failing at doing so. One of his hands moves away and I swear– I had wanted to grab onto it once more like a baby losing his favorite toy, but his next move shocks me even more. I feel his fingers brush along my jawline and he tilts my head back by my chin with his thumb and index finger. My legs felt like jelly. I wanted to melt as those eyes bore into my own. My lips parted– my mind searching for something to say but instead I decide against it, not trusting myself so I gave him a nod.

His smile blew me away and before I could comprehend what was happening next, his fingers were intertwined with mine as he dragged me to one of the couches that were situated in front of a modern fireplace.

And somehow, instead of running away…

I felt–

Peace.

A/N: LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK, KISSES. I'm going to start apologizing now because if you're reading this and you've finally jumped into my ship, you are about to go on a rollercoaster ride. I'm someone who likes to write conflicts, sometimes– even have love triangles, and obviously from where this is headed, our little reader is already starting to develop feelings for not just one man. Buuuuut, I'm not saying anything further ehehehehehe. Okay, signing off. Again, let me know what you guys think! If you have any suggestions on what you want to see in this series, don't be afraid to do so! 

Want to be tagged? Let me know!