#thisisntyou

I miss when this was the you I knew…

Whistle.

We'll.... Been 1 month and 2 weeks since you just left. No explanation. No reasoning. Just left.... My heart aches for you every second of every minute.... Every minute of every hour... Every hour of every god damn day... The amazing, loving, laughter filled memories we have together, haunt me daily.. I can't even sleep too escape. There is so many questions, so many things I just sit and wonder about.... Why her? Why not be with the family you've wanted for so long? Why didn't you try to work on us? Where did we go wrong? Did it mean nothing to you?.... You lead me on for 2+ weeks, letting me think & hope with everything I have, that you were actually going to come home to me and jaxx, want to work on it, make it better.... Telling me you missed YOUR family.. Kissing me.... Having sex with me.. Holding me like nothing was wrong, and telling me how good it felt to hold me... Smelling my hair, because I smelled so good to you... Showing up here crying @ 4am..... Why I let myself believe that was true I'll never know... I let you set me up for even more heartbreak.. I know you touch her the ways you touched me, and it hurts me to even think your enjoying yourself... But still, stupidly I want you to come home... I'll wait for you no matter what happens I wish I didn't want to, I wish I hated your guts for just walking away from us so easily.... But I don't.... I don't need you.. WE don't need you.. But I want you.... I love you with everything I have, and I always will.... I made you a promise that I'd be your, #1 supporter Best friend The one by your side no matter what hell brings in our lives, Until the day I die.. Unfortunately the love I have for you is more then because we have a baby together, it's for every little thing I learned to love and adore and cherish about you! Your racecar, with no wheels, shaped birthmark... Your hazel eyes.. Your soft lips.. Even the way you breathe when you sleep.. It will never fade...