#thisisneweh

The jay vote, I definitely planted the seed to get him targeted. I was very busy that day, I remember trying to text in class to get my information spread, but knowing that it happened because I wanted it was very rewarding for me. Also, coming up with the idea to blindside Ned (which might have cost me the game anyways rip) was a way that I was being very behind the scenes socially.

Honestly, I feel very guilty for what happened with your vote. I don't want to rehash it when the game is over. I don't want you to send me a long message telling me how wrong I was. I know it was mean, and I'm sorry. I do however think that I played a game worthy of a win. My social connections were what allowed me to play the middle and stay in the game for so long. While dan was being targeted for being such a threat, I wasn't being targeted, and I had people talking to me and telling me information. A big part of the reason dan is here is because of me. I protected him a lot of the game and I brought him here to FTC. I'm not saying I carried him, because he definitely played an impressive game as well. And honestly, I wasn't the only one who backstabbed people, and the reason they're in the jury is not 100% my fault. It's a game of survivor. I have to survive, and working with every single person does not allow you to do that. My game was based off social connections, and my final 3 tribal vote was based off of loyalty to dan. He was my rock, my ride or die, since the beginning of the game. So I was loyal to him. I'm not claiming loyalty to every person. There is no way to be loyal to everyone. I expect to get votes because I think my game was great and if bitterness gets in the way of that, that's going to suck.

OMG KEVIN I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH. Reading what you wrote about me made me feel soooo happy. You're so amazing, but we will get into that later ;) okay so week 7, I would probably say that van or Nicky would have left. It definitely could have been you. I know dan was very threatened by your game and he mentioned several times wanting to target you. I think you targeting him definitely made it easier to vote you out. I mean, it wasn't easy because we had become such great friends, but you were an obvious target after that. I think it would have been Nicky if that had not happened. Nicky was also a threat in our eyes. Okay so next question. The reason I always brought up dan as a threat to you is because I always thought he was a threat. I always thought he would be targeted, however. I would have been fine with being on the outside of a vote where he left, so that I wouldn't have to flip on him. I wish I could have flipped on him somewhere during the game, but I just felt so close to him personally and we both went through stuff throughout the game where we helped each other, so I felt a closer relationship to him than just allies. OKAY! So the answer that you're most excited to read :) okay so you know how much I love you. We relate on soooo many things. Even though you're like 12. And I love the fact that I can joke about you being 12 (older than 5) and you don't get mad :) we both love Taylor swift because she's the best and we are queens. You're just so relatable, we have had such good conversations. I also really want to hear about the dog you're getting soon! I just love how quickly we became friends. We came from different tribes and didn't get to know each other until half way through the game, but I feel closer to you than some of the pre merge boots. And I love how you always let me vent to you about school, even though you never gave me advise, it was still soo amazing to have someone to listen. You're such a good listener, you're a great friend, I can't believe all the sweet things you said about me. I love you so much!!

Okay so I see where you're coming from about the loyalty thing. But I was loyal to dan first. You and I didn't meet until our tribe swap and that was solely because of Ned. He got you to flip. I of course helped talk to you and reassure you that you were safe with us, but I felt like your friendship with Ned was stronger than ours. And I also felt like I had more closely formed a relationship with dan, and I felt like since he had been with me longer, I thought my true loyalty should have been to him. I'm sorry I couldn't be loyal to every person, but I was working with a majority of the merge tribe. It definitely hurt to backstab my allies, especially you and Ned and Kevin and I regret that, but I don't know if I would be here if I didn't. And also, about bringing dan, someone with a more upfront game, I already said in my first statement that I made a promise to dan VERY early in the game, and I have confidence in my own game that this wasn't a mistake. If I do lose, we will still be friends. I won't resent him or the jury for any decisions made here, because this is a game and I respect everyone as players. I also don't think a more upfront game is automatically a better game. There were times when dan would do stuff that I would be like "why did you tell them that" and I had to get onto him. When he told information to people who didn't need it, I feel like my social game had to fix situations. When Dan confronted Kevin about targeting him, I had to talk to Kevin and reassure him that he was safe, so that he wouldn't play a potential idol. You had one at that point, so it was a very real possibility that she could have played it on him, so I talked to him to make him feel safe. Another time was when dan told you that Ned was the target. We weren't going to tell you because we didn't want him to know. An idol also could have been played in that situation and it would have majorly messed up the plans. Lastly, I want to address what you said about his social game being better and bringing him to the final 2. I don't agree with this. I brought him to the final 2 because I was friends with him. He did not manipulate me socially into bringing him. His social game had nothing to do it. The only reason I brought him was our friendship. And our one friendship does not define his social game. I definitely think my social game was better and I do think I have a chance of winning because I did play a great game.

Had you won immunity the week you went, I would have foreseen most likely Van or Nicky being the vote. I think at that point, it would have been mainly Van because they had just flipped on original Miti and they had not talked to me that much. I honestly don’t really know a better answer to this question so I am really sorry. You’re literally the only name I heard that week, so that’s what happened. 

Additionally, please do not take credit for saving me from being first boot. I have screenshots from Jay saying you would definitely vote me out if need be and that the votes would be there if that’s what needed to happen. These messages you conveniently did not include in your receipts. From this moment on I knew I needed to keep you close and get to know you (I was pleasantly surprised to find that I genuinely liked you). I loved working with you, but honestly the shady-ness of week one compounded with your severe paranoia led to the decision that you needed to go. 

The biggest thing I think we have in common is our love for Sam. So I think that just shows that you’re an excellent judge of character. You were always nothing but nice to me when we were talking. I know I’m a literal piece of garbage so the fact that you actually took the time out of your life to speak to me and get to know me, that says something about you too. Although I’ve never seen a picture of you, I have to assume that you're an attractive human being because your personality if A+. We definitely connected on certain things when we talked and I really appreciate you playing this game. I feel like some people didn’t play this game, but you at least had footing. You were vital in the vote to flip on Ned and literally I will forever be indebted to you because honestly Sam and I would have been fucked without you. You also fight very well and can hold your own, which is something I really like to see. You didn’t back down when we were throwing hands at one another, which ultimately means you’re a bad ass bitch.