#thisismynarrative

My personal grief does not exist outside of the world's grief. I forget sometimes. Sometimes my own yearning for a lost loved one overshadows the weight of the world around me. And I think this is okay. To be flattened by your own and sometimes another's sadness. A loop of grief sustained by you and everyone around you. I'm also learning how to hold that grief alongside everything else that is good but often forgotten. I don't want to lose love. I don't want to preemptively mourn our world into death.

In his essay, "Nothing Personal," James Baldwin intertwines the self with the whole. They (the self & the whole) are their own, and they are connected. We are selves, each of us, living in the world, but we are not suddenly separated from our history. We are not disconnected from one another even if capitalism wants us to think we are.

I think that's why I was really struck by this essay. We need to pay attention to each other, to our history, to our selves. More specifically how it all informs our lives, our futures. Or else, we'll float away.

As Baldwin writes, "For nothing is fixed, forever and forever and forever, it is not fixed; the earth is always shifting, the light is always changing, the sea does not cease to grind down rock. Generations do not cease to be born, and we are responsible to them because we are the only witnesses they have. The sea rises, the light fails, lovers cling to each other, and children cling to us. The moment we cease to hold each other, the moment we break faith with one another, the sea engulfs us and the light goes out."

“Palestinian life (comma) love (comma) and freedom (period)”

words by Nicki Kattoura from, “A Thousand Eulogies Are Exported to the Comma” Of Syntax and Genocide.

You can read the full piece linked in this post.

i don’t have anything new to say. my words flatten themselves in front such immense grief. and still, i ask them to keep on. to remember, to rage, to witness. i ask myself to do the same. i hope you are finding ways to continue. to fight.

Danez Smith tweeted yesterday, “How must I disrupt my own life to counter the disruptive violence of the world?” I ask myself the same question.

how do we disrupt this life (this very american, very capitalistic, individualistic life) to counter the violence (often one funded by this country) of the world?

hello!! while i mostly write about the shape of my sadness & grief & & &. i’m happy to share this more hopeful piece written for a beautiful project all about tomorrow. hope (feeling so much of it these days!!) you can give it a read. click on the link if you'd like to read about libraries & community-making & childhood!!

small excerpt: "Childhood isn’t easy. Nothing seems to be. But I think it was a time when community meant something beyond the page. We tasked ourselves, with every game we played, and every fight we had, to read one another carefully. How are you feeling? Should we fight pirates today? Your dad is looking for you. My mom asked your mom if I can stay over while she goes to the market. I’ll see you later. Let’s play mañana."

here’s to finding how to best continue forever & ever !! may tomorrow be gentle & if it’s not, may we organize with our communities & find ways in our daily lives to bring about that tmr.

with care,