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Update: Square vs. Squirrel
Me: Okay, Student B, tell me again what shape this is.
Student B, with all the concentration in the world: Squuuuaaare!
Me: Good! And what is the little furry brown animal called?
Student B: Uhh....a triangle?
Okay...so...you're old.
Student I, after the superintendent shared he taught kindergarten in 1992.
Tuesday, March 13th: Shapes
Intervention Teacher: What shape is this?
Student B: A squirrel.
Intervention Teacher: WAIT what?
Student B: A squirrel.
Intervention teacher: Say square.
Student B: Squirrel.
Intervention teacher: No, squ-are.
Student B: Squ-irrel.
Intervention teacher: No. A squirrel is a little furry animal. This is a shape and it is called at square.
Student B: [shrugs]
“How to Get Anything You Want From Your Mom Instead of Taking From Your Mom”
-A persuasive piece by Student H

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I'm never going to see my mommy agaaaainnnn!!!!!
sobbing Student A, whose mother is literally picking him up in five hours.
Breakfast Flashback, November 2017
Me, as pleasantly as possible: Student A, if you're so tired you should probably try to eat some breakfast before you go play because it can help your brain wake up.
Student A, crying immediately: Noooo, I'm not hungry, I don't want food!!
Me, taking his hand: Let's just go see what it is and decide if there is one thing you can eat.
*******walking to cafeteria, crying the whole way******
Student A, still crying: I just don't need food, I'm sad.
Me, to lunch lady: Excuse me, Student A is just wondering what is for breakfast today because he could use some food in his belly.
Lunch lady: Waffles today.
Me, overly and dramatically excited: See, Student A?! It's waffles!
Student A, immediately stops crying: GASP! I love waffles!
(bounces through the line with waffles in his hand)
California Grizzly Bear, December 2017
(Before school, I'm cutting out pages for a book on California symbols)
Student E: Gooooood morning teacher!
Me: Good morning, Student E!
Student E: Whatchu are doing?
Me: What am I doing? I'm making books.
Student E, looking at grizzly bear page: Oh teacher...dat's a niiiice bear!
Me, trying not to laugh: Uhh...thanks. But where are you supposed to be??
Student E, wiggling her fingers and wandering away: Byyyyyeeeeeee