#this.

(for context, this is in the beginning/middle of the first sex scene in the book (if you don't count the extended scene where ryan price tries to jack off but spends the whole time thinking about how he hates his dick and wants to cut it off))

I.

I don't know how I'm going to do this, or when. Probably when I'm out of the house and do it over text, or when I get the chance to talk to her alone, it's.. It's not the worst thing to tell them but.. It's definitely close.

It's. Definitely for the best. As I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

All of it.

And this is probably the best way to put this, and might alleviate some of their suspicions, if not give a different reason behind the things they're suspecting.

All in all. This is going to be a lot. But it will be manageable. And I'll persevere.

To be honest, I'm scared. Even though it's nothing close to the full truth. There's still.. There's still a chance..

That uhm. I lose everything because of this.

That will hopefully not be the case, as.. There is a reason behind this, that wouldn't be helped (even in theory.) by any of the normal precautionary measures.

But there is a chance, as these people have proven time and time again that they can't be trusted.

But.

This really is a "go through with it and you might regret it" or "die miserably and alone" situation.