#this sadness

First Image ID: Someday, this sadness is going to kill me. No matter how I seal it and smother it, eventually it comes slipping back through the cracks, floating by like dust motes in the room you never use. Innocuous. Easily brushed away, hardly notable. Until the light catches and you realize the air is so full you could choke. I steal fragments of joy like it's some contraband item I've snuck between my ribs. I keep painting the walls with love, hoping some piece of it might stick. My sadness, this sadness is going to swallow me whole and I’ll never crawl back out again. I’m terrified of it. It follows me like a ghost of something that’s still waiting to die. It’s turned me into a hoarder, desperate and clinging and hungry. I’ve forced myself into the shape of a poet, into the body of an optimist, and crafted myself a world that’s kind. I must find brightness and joy in even the barest places. I must clip little scraps of it and keep them close to my heart. I need to force room for it in every insignificant moment, every breath, every blink, every heartbeat. I’m rationing out love to myself, like it's something that’s going to run out. I’m waiting for it to run out. I must believe the universe is full of love, that love is the core, the point, the foundation. Maybe then, there will be some extra for me. Enough that no one will notice if I skim just the smallest amount off the top. I think I will always be hungry for love and I think, someday, I am going to starve. END ID

Second Image ID: this sadness is going to kill me. it comes slipping  through the cracks, floating by like dust motes. the air is so full you could choke. joy is contraband I’ve snuck between my ribs. My sadness, this sadness is going to swallow me whole. I’m terrified of it. It follows me, desperate clinging and hungry. I must clip little scraps of me. I need to force room for every insignificant moment, every breath, every blink, every heartbeat. I’m rationing out myself. I’m going to run out.  I’m waiting to run out. I must believe the universe is full of love, that love is the core, the point, the foundation. Maybe then, there will be enough of me. END ID