#this nothingburger

“baby, you don’t have to do that.” shoko says from the bed, still tangled in the sheets while you sit between her fanned out legs, one sitting up and the other flat. rivulets of her chestnut locks splay over the pillows and sheets, dragging across her flushed, damp skin as she sits up enough to watch you. you hum and pay her no heed. 

“i’m doing it because i want to,” you pause, glancing at her, hands halting. you were wiping her inner thighs down. “but, if you really don’t want me to, i’ll stop. i want to keep you comfortable, sho.” 

shoko has to bite back a big grin, thankful for the cigarette at the corner of her mouth. she started up that nasty habit again, and while she unfortunately looks hot huffing and puffing that cancer stick, she knows that you know that once you’re done with the aftercare, you’re tossing it straight out from her mouth. you truly take care of her. 

“it’s not that i’m uncomfortable. you took care of me all evening. it’s not really fair at this point, babe,” she scoffs, leaning her temple on a fist, lighting her cigarette. you scoff back at her, scooting your naked body closer to her. both of you remain bare in the dim lighting of her bedroom. a few candles scatter around the room. the smell of japanese incense and sandalwood swirl around the potent scent of sex still lingering in the air. and of course, the sweet stench of cigarettes intrudes the scene, but you welcome it anyway. 

“oh, but it is fair. i like taking care of you, honey,” you pick up where you left off. shoko’s long, honeyed limbs shimmer with a sheen of sweat and fluids in the low light. her breathing has slowed down enough that her chest no longer heaves as it did just a few minutes ago. 

the energy in the room had been so boisterous. your cheeks still were wet with her own juices, but you neither cared nor realized, too focused on giving shoko her rightful aftercare. it was you who had to introduce such a concept to her. she was used to being left after such an intimate encounter with the strangest of strangers. introducing it is one thing, but establishing it is another. she still fights you about it, like now, in her detached way. 

you spread her thighs out a little more, briefly holding eye contact with her as a means to offer an announcement or space to tell you to stop, but she nudged her chin at you, beckoning for you to proceed. curse shoko and her languid, sexy body language. 

even as you dive down slowly to bow your head, the return in a different context makes your cheeks burn. doing so in general makes your belly flip and clench with arousal and a sense of antsy insistence to please. 

shoko times it just right, breathing the cigarette deeply in, and just as your mouth meets her right thigh, she releases the gust of smoke out into the open air above both your heads. in that same breath comes out a breathy moan. smoke curls into the open air with it.

you forego the towelette, deciding to lave over and collect the remnants of her juices with your tongue. your hands rub her hips reverently as you suck her skin dry along the dips of her ass and inner thighs. each motion getting her worked up, her heart thunders in her ears, while she does her best to keep her eyes trained on you.

she’s wet and glistening all over again by the time you sit up, admiring the way she looks spread out, beautiful. the slick of her juices catch the dim lighting like warm sparkles. everything about her fascinates you.

“you sure you don’t want water? there’s some on the nightstand,” you offer not for the last time that night. she snorts a little, puffing smoke out towards you in a funny little way. 

“i’m sure. babe,” she studies you, tilting her head slightly. “never met someone so adamant on taking care of me.” the words come out with a soft laugh. your hands massaging her legs still. shoko sighs, the corners of her mouth still lifted, because while she knows it kills you that she’s not used to being cared for, the look on your face is irresistible. you look like a little puppy that’s been left out in the rain. 

“can you at least try to get used to it?” your voice is so soft and liquidy. the words tumble out of your mouth like melted candle wax. she knows that tone. your eyes reflect a little more. teary eyed. 

“babe.” shoko sits up, running her hand through her hair to push it back. she pats the spot beside her and like clockwork, you plop down beside you, curling your legs over her torso, hugging her, head on her shoulder. the position of your limbs and hers should feel awkward, but it doesn’t. using the heel of her hand, she firmly rubs your back in circles.

“sorry,” you eventually speak, shifting your legs down to straddling her hips, now chest to chest. you cup her cheek and pepper the other one with chaste kisses, languid and close mouthed. 

“you don’t have to — ”

“no. i-i’m sorry. take the apology,” that comes out a little firmer than she had anticipated, which quiets her down. her hands continue their journey caressing you for comfort. your head dips as you lie back down, leaning on her shoulder now. “i love you. i love you so goddamn much. of course, it’s gonna sting knowing no one has really taken care of you before me. puts a lot of weight on me to do a good job. i-it’s a little scary. i hardly know what i’m doing. i just don’t wanna scare you away. you know?”

you kiss the skin nearest to your lips, the sensitive part below her ear and across her neck. she inhales deeply and exhales even more so, taking a moment to squeeze your shoulder. 

“i understand,” silence settles between you, blanketing you two. “for the record, i love you a lot, too. and i don’t wanna scare you away either. we’re a team, okay?“

you nod, continuing your journey of painting invisible kisses across her flesh.

“when’s it my turn to take care of you though?” her finger trails up and down the column of your spine. the gesture whisks you away through time, if only for a moment. it was last spring that, after fooling around in the pale morning light of shoko’s old apartment, she had diagnosed you with scoliosis. 

decreasing the distance between you, you lean closer and nudge her nose with yours, smiling serenely. a soft chuckle escapes you. she still doesn’t get it, does she? 

shoko works her ass off everyday, as she always has. she pays for your rent, lends you her card when you go out shopping, and indulges in every one of your desires. to ask such a thing… even after you had shoved your face between her thighs and spread them as wide as could be, quenching your thirst on her, drinking every last drop that she could give, she still wonders what to offer in return.