Basically the aftermath of that idea I wrote about post-Astarion's "I should have made you a spawn" line.
big sad, spiraling frightened/uber depressed Tav. Halsin is the best ever etc
This is my Tav, AFAB druid drow with same pronouns, but feel free to imagine your own Tav if you want.
Halsin didn't know what had happened, because Tav wouldn't say. He only knew it had involved Astarion, who had been gone for almost a week now.
The only clear thing he could get out of her was that Astarion hadn't hurt her, and one sad little sentence that made no sense: 'None of it was real.'
But that left quite a range that had him racking his mind, considering...
Considering that she had clammed up, that the near-endless line of jokes and smiles and little laughs had stopped cold. That every time he touched her when her back was turned, she stiffened and whipped around like she was afraid someone meant to attack her. That she spent more time with the animals in camp and out past the treeline than before.
(Considering when he had tried to come to her as 'her bear' she had blanched as if afraid he really would devour her)
The rest of the camp had noticed, too, and dealt with it in different ways.
Lae'zel had offered herself as a sparring partner, saying Tav needed more practice with a longsword anyway. Will had done something along the same lines.
Gale had tried to lift her spirits in his usual way, and Karlach had, now she was fixed, gone for hugs which Tav returned--in silence.
None of them seemed entirely sure of what to do to fix this, though. Whenever anyone had been in such a mood, it was always Tav who brought back the better mood, who lifted their spirits, got them smiling.
What did you do, Astarion? Halsin found himself thinking as he watched Tav. She wildshaped into a cat, came to sit in his lap, and curled up as if trying to hide. You stole my sun, that's what you did.
Tav was like a light to the camp, brightening and warming everyone whose lives she touched.
And her light had gone out.
His heart's heart was broken.
------------------------------------------
Astarion returned late, when some of the camp were still up but several had already gone to bed. He HAD hoped to do it quietly, simply to slip in, but he was spotted almost immediately
Lae'zel (who was on watch) was the first to see him, and had moved off--to warn Halsin, he assumed, since the man returned with her a few moments later.
She then moved off to complete a patrol around the campsite.
"Come to warn me off?" he attempted a quip, but it fell flat.
"Come for answers," Halsin replied. "I've been confused, you see. It's not in your nature to run like this. Hide, certainly, sneak, absolutely. But to run?"
"I thought Tav had sent you to--"
"She didn't send me to do anything. What happened, exactly?"
"Didn't she say?" Astarion looked up, and then swiftly back down. "Usually she's eager to--talk."
"Not a word, my star. All she would say was that you had not hurt her. And to quote directly, 'None of it was real,' in the most desolate tone I have ever heard from one in love. What did you do?"
"I...made a mistake," he said, letting out a needlessly long breath. "She didn't care for the idea of my...ascension, you see."
"Of course not. She feared...that you might become the thing that once frightened YOU."
"And I thought that was a lot of nonsense. I mean, really...I would be safer than ever. I didn't see the problem that she did...she wouldn't touch the extra little tadpoles, she wouldn't hear of taking control of the--well, that's all been gone over. What you want to hear about is..."
Halsin waited.
"She didn't understand, and I wanted to make her understand. I practically snarled at her, said I should have--made her a spawn..."
Seeing Halsin's eyes narrow was a bit like having Scratch growl at you. It let you know you'd fucked up and fucked up bad.
He went on explaining, and finished with, "I've never seen her afraid of anything before that moment. I didn't think--she ran. She ran from me. That--that was the last thing I wanted! That's not what I meant to do!"
"But it's what happened."
"...what am I supposed to do now?" Astarion's voice, far more miserable than he'd ever let Halsin hear before, burst out.
"Apologize," Halsin said, "As a start. And understand that if she DOES forgive you, it will take time."
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Being an aromantic allosexual can be kind of sucky tbh cause you just want to have sex without a romantic relationship but everyone else wants both and they act like you can’t have one without the other, even if you go into it as a casual sex/friends with benefits thing and making it clear that that’s all you want and you won’t go further there’s the risk they’re gonna want “more”
There’s the stereotype of aro allos going around getting laid all the time and spending every night in a different person’s bed and that’s literally what I want and can’t have. Yes, gender dysphoria, depression, and anxiety are not helping either, but the last thing I want is a romantic relationship but no matter what i do, if i fuck around, there’s the risk of somebody wanting that from me. And if I don’t agree to it, then I’m “immature” and “just using people”. I wish I could just tell people I’m aromantic and not have to tell everyone I’m not interested in relationships without explaining why. But some folks see that as a challenge. “Maybe if I just keep pushing, you’ll make an exception for me.” Because nobody can respect it when somebody’s orientation excludes them in some way unless you’re a heteroromantic heterosexual.
Damnit, why so romantic relationships have to be the standard? Why can’t I just, not do that without it causing me problems? Why is the subject of my love life the go-to small talk conversation (and do they have to assume I’m a straight girl every time)? Why can’t I just fuck without strings attached? Can I really not be allowed to live my damn life without somebody else wanting to be a massive part of it?
I went into this thinking about all this and wanting to make a positivity post to make myself feel better. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change my romantic orientation for the world. I’ll never forget the relief I felt, the weight removed from my shoulders when I found out aromanticism is a thing because the label’s very existence, to me, tells me that romance is not a requirement, that it’s okay to never fall in love and it’s perfectly fine to be alone if that’s what you want. Accepting my aromanticism is one of the best things I did for myself. But when I think about amatonormativity and how it affects me as an aromantic allosexual, I can’t think of anything good about being aro in this society. Just because I don’t have to bother with romance doesn’t mean that I won’t end up stereotyped and judged for it or have people pressure me into it because why should I be allowed to decide what types of relationships I want?
I don’t want to date. I never want to date. I don’t want to lead anyone on. I just want to have sex without worrying about the chance somebody will catch feelings and not take it well when I say no. But why should the aro guy get what he wants? After all, he’s a heartless sexual predator, isn’t he?
