#this hurt.

omg! haiii thestrawl!! >3<

yes dats my name X3! Wut did u want??? OwO

He shouldn’t have been doing this.  It was difficult enough to keep himself together the past few days, and now people expected him to be able to give a speech at his boyfriend-no, that word seemed inadequate-soulmate’s funeral.  Fuck this, he thought, holding on to the podium like a lifeline.  He went to open his mouth to speak and the familiar burning sensation that often accompanied tears practically lit him up from the inside out and he closed it again, lips trembling as his fingers dug into the wood beneath them.  It took what felt like ages for him to be able to speak again, and he was unable to make eye contact with anyone in front of him because the one shade of blue he wanted to see was locked up in the box at his feet.

"I’d always heard that home could be a person, but I never knew exactly what that meant until I met Eddie.  It’s funny--we’d lived in the same hotel for years and it took going to Hawaii to meet each other.  I was miserable, wanted to room by myself, and I opened the door to find him already in the room and my first thought was that I was kind of bummed out that I wouldn’t be rooming alone.  Then he flashed a smile and pulled out food, and I was forced to rethink my first impressions.  Thank god I did, too.”

“I’ve never met anyone with a purer heart than Eddie’s.  The way he genuinely cared about so many people, to the point of checking in on them constantly and dropping everything whenever anyone needed him is something that I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to do.  Even though we didn’t get much time together, he taught me a lot about myself, about love and what it looks like, and about life.  And he did it with the most patience I’ve ever seen another person have.”

“Eddie used to ask me if I ever got scared when I was working.  It’s a fair question, and the answer was always yes, but not of what he’d think.  At some point I realized that the thing I was most scared of was losing him.  We’d talked about a future, about getting married and trying to adopt.  We’d both lost kids and wanted to give the other a chance to be a dad again.  And as great as that all sounded, I realized I didn’t want any of it if I couldn’t have it with him.  So when that fear was realized,” he trailed off, shaking his head as his hands started to shake.

“Point is, Eddie was my home.  I haven’t laughed as much in six years as I did in the few months I spent with him, never gave as much thought to what a future would look like as I did.  I feel like it’s not just my loss, it’s the world’s.  Because I know for a fact that there’s not another person out there who’s light is as bright as his was.  So until we see each other again, know that I love you.  And save some room up there for me, will ya?”

Brutal Anons | accepting !!

" . . . "

Ren knew this all too well. Their existence was quite the hex; no one should have ever felt unwelcome in their own home, and yet every corner was filled with distrust. Had their father still been alive, maybe things would have been different, but what was the point of hoping for something so pointless ? They were done mourning him and what could have been should he have lived through the war. All he could do in the present was exist in their memory, to be hung around their neck despite the evident damage to the hitai-ate.

But a corpse ? No, there would never be a corpse. That was another curse to the pile of them that spun like threads around their neck. Death and belonging was unreachable. There was no end.

And yet, deep down, a part of them wanted to be regarded as something good, something that wasn't a parasite. They had foolishly hoped someone could have seen them, but the truth was ? No one ever would. They would wander this world alone with no one to ever mourn them.

𝐐: 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐞 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝? 𝐀: 𝐩𝐚𝐥𝐦 ... you give & give. you are a gentle heart, broken but still standing... always lending a hand for those who need it, expecting nothing in return. you deserve someone taking your hand & kissing your open palm, the hands which have selflessly helped so many others.

“I don’t really want to go back to the lab... I can’t work there anymore...”