#this chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!

previous chapters

I waited until I just couldn’t possibly wait anymore. Getting an uber from the club to his house at a little past 1am, I had told myself I wasn’t going to go over there. I wasn’t going to subject myself to looking at his stupid pretty face as I tried to explain myself, tried to get it through his thick skull that he was...that I wasn’t...that I didn’t really have feelings for him. That would be useless, I knew it would be, but even that didn’t stop me. I just couldn’t take it anymore, I couldn’t fight it because that was just making us fight and there was nothing I hated more than being angry with him.

I had to tell him.

His friends had let me in, knowing Niall had come home from the club in no less than a sour mood, they figured I had been the culprit. They weren’t so unassuming and never really pointed fingers but the trails of stares that followed me as I slowly walked up to Niall’s bedroom, were very telling of what they thought. Yes, I was a bitch.

Blowing a steadying breath past my lips, I quietly crept down the hallway, my mind racking with how I was going to possibly get out what I wanted to say, half of me hoping I didn’t blow up at him; the other half hoping I didn’t burst out crying. I felt horrible for how I had been acting towards him as of late and I knew he was honestly just trying to be a good friend to me back at the club, but everything had blown up, blown out of proportion in my head, even if he didn’t understand that.

Stepping up to his closed bedroom door, my eyelids slowly fell as I breathed in deep; settling my jittery nerves. I gently knocked, the slight muffles of his TV probably drowning out the sound and I didn’t hear a response so I knocked again, louder this time before his voice called out.

“Yeah?”

“It’s, um, it’s me, Ni,” I spoke lowly, pressing my mouth to the crack of the door, “Can I come in?”

He was quiet for a moment, my teeth sinking into my bottom lip as I waited. “Yeah, yeah of course.”

Slowly opening his door, I kept my stare down as I walked into his dimly lit bedroom and closed the door behind me, padding my heels across his carpeted floor as I carefully stepped over to his bed. Looking up, I saw he was stretched out in a pair of white boxers smack dab in the middle of his bed, laying over his bunched up bed sheets with his duvet tangled at his bare feet and his arms tucked up under his head. He had turned his face to peer over at me, watching as I huffed out a breath and sat myself down on the bed, making sure to shift myself as far away from him as I could get. I wasn’t sure why I was being so hesitant and reserved with him at that point, I guess, I was nervous or scared or...just upset.

Rolling my lips into my mouth, I flicked my stare up to the huge TV that hung on the wall right across from us as he turned his attention back to it. “What are you doing?” I asked, fully aware of what a stupid question that was but it was my attempt to break the ice.

“Just watchin’ some telly,” he retorted, the pillow moving as he peeked back over at me. “What are you doin’?”

I knew his question wasn’t meant to be mockful, in fact, I think it was his way of lightening the mood, but all I could do was slip my eyes down to my lap as I swallowed hard, knowing the only way this was going to happen is if I just spit it out. “Ni, I’m really sorry for...everything, I-...for what I said at the club and how I’ve been acting lately, like a total fucking psycho and I’m just..so so sorry.”

It all spilled out in one big breath and I didn’t even know that I had pinched my eyes shut until I started to see the bleed of colors from the TV screen on the inside of my eyelids. “I’m sorry too,” I heard him say, his voice low and raspy in his throat and I slowly opened my eyes to look over at him, immediately catching his stare. “I shouldn’t be gettin’ jealous and overprotective of you. I-...I didn't mean to make you feel like I was tryin’ to...control you or somethin’, I–”

“I didn’t think that, Niall,” I said, cutting him off. I could see his eyes darting with mine in the slight darkness, and I paused to lick at my lips, “And I do appreciate that you care about me so much. That’s nice to have and I take it for granted a lot of the time. I guess, it just kinda felt...weird, ya know? Because...I don’t know where we stand anymore.”

His brows furrowed a bit as he slowly pulled his arms out from under his head. “What do you mean?”

“It’s just like, when you left my house the other night, I was really upset,” I began, lagging my stare from the depth of his own down to the small crease in his chin, “I wasn’t like mad at you, I was just…really confused.” My head tipped to the side a bit as I crinkled my brow. “I mean, you’ve never said no to me, and I’ve never said no to you and I guess, I just felt like you didn’t want me...and I know that’s stupid and I shouldn’t feel like that–”

He lifted his head up from the pillow. “That’s not stupid, Sybil, but it wasn’t that I didn’t want ya, believe me, it wasn’t that at all. I just didn’t want you thinkin’ the only reason I came over was to have sex with you.”

I nodded my head. “I know, I know that!” I said, holding out my hands, “I guess, I just...I don’t know, expected it maybe? We’ve just been at this for so long, this constant back and forth, ya know, and that line between friends and more than friends is so...blurred with us.” I paused to push out a heavy breath, letting my shoulders hunch over as I looked back down at my hands, focusing on my fingers wringing in my lap. “I don’t know, anyway, that’s why I came over yesterday morning. I just needed to know that you still wanted me. That you didn’t think I was, like, gross or slutty or whatever.”

“Sybil, why would I ever think those things about you?” he asked, furrowing his brow at me.

“ ‘Cause I’m with you and...and I’m with Dean sometimes…”

He let out a sigh, dropping his head back into his pillow and lifting his hands to card through his disheveled hair. I peeked over at him through the corners of my eyes, letting my stare skim down the lean length of his body that was half naked beside me. “I don’t think those things about you, Sybs, ever. At all. Contrary to the shitty things I said to you the other day, I love bein’ with you. Hangin’ out with you, fuckin’ you. All that shit. When we’re together, it’s our time, ya know, I think about you and me, I don’t really think about all that other stuff. Ya know, other guys and other girls, it’s just...me and you.” He paused for a moment, his words causing a rupture of uneven beats of my heart in my chest as I heard him draw in a shaky breath. “What do you think about?”

My eyes fluttered as I continued to stare down at my lip, my knuckles piercing white as I clenched my fists around the material of my dress. Swallowing hard, I let my lips part briefly as I pulled in a breath. “I think about you. Just...you. All the time.”

“All the time?”

My eyes slowly trailed back over to meet his and I faintly nodded my head. “All the time,” I whispered.

Shooting my stare back down to my lap, he was quiet for a minute before I heard him gently clear his throat. “A lot's happened in these three years, haven’t they?”

“More than I care to admit,” I replied, my voice soft, “To you and myself.”

“Sybs,” he whispered to me causing me to slowly shift my gaze over to his, “Is somethin’...somethin’ changin’ here?”

Biting at my lip, I darted my eyes with his and struggled to fight off the urge of those damn tears that wanted to build up. “I think something changed a long time ago, Niall...at least for me.”

I watched as he pushed himself up to sit, his back banging up against his headboard. “It’s not just you,” he told me, his voice staying low in his throat, “Sybil, you’re the only reason I wanna come to LA anymore, shit, you’re the reason I bought this house!” My mouth fell open in a silent gasp as I stared wide eyed at him, watching him shake his head as he tried to find his words. “When I met you, Jesus, you were nothin’ less than the girl of my dreams. Sybil, you-...I don’t even think you realize just how fuckin’ badass you are. You make me...feel good about meself. Which is fuckin’ corny as hell but it’s true!” I huffed out a small laugh under my breath, my eyes beginning to water up as I darted my stare with his.

“We have fun,” he continued, dropping his head back to the headboard as he kept his stare on me, his hands going a mile a minute with each word, “We laugh and chill, we fuck like….shit, nothin’ can compare to it, and, ya know, you get me, in ways that really no one else...does. I couldn’t ask for a better person in me life than you, and...the truth is, I act like a jealous prick of a boyfriend ‘cause truthfully...that’s all I’ve ever wanted to be. Minus the jealous prick part.”

My mind was fuzzy as I tried to wrap my head around what he was saying, and I just quietly sat there, listening as he spoke. I just couldn’t believe it, that all this time, he felt for me...everything that I felt for him. All this time, we had the same feelings building and we were both slowly falling—

“But I work a lot,” he said, making my head snap out of whatever illusion I was pretending I was in. My lips slowly pressed closed as I drifted my eyes away from his, peering down at my dress that was spread out over my thighs. “I travel a lot, and with me signin’ this deal...it’s just gonna get worse. I can’t ask ya to change your life for me, not like that. That’s not fair and that’s not somethin’ I’m willin’ to do to you.”

Swallowing hard at his words, I knew, even though it killed me to admit, he was right. I knew that no matter what we said to each other that night, no matter how our feelings came out, there was just no way. No way.

I pulled in a shaky breath, pursing my lips to the side. “It’s gotten really hard, doing this...with you,” I finally spoke up, keeping my stare down, “And I have tried for so long to fight off the feelings I have for you because I know…” I paused as my chin began to tremble, my eyes pinching shut as the hot tears had finally started to slip out. Tucking my head down, I wiped over my cheeks and pulled in a deep breath, determined to get out what I needed to say. “I know it can’t work,” I finished, my voice weak and small as I fought past the tears, “We live two completely separate lives and, I don’t know, I guess, that’s why I get so bitchy and distant with you because...it’s just my way of not letting you get close. Ya know, like, the less ‘in’ you are, the easier it is to push myself away.”

I shook my head as I let the hot tears freely slip down my flushed skin, my face dropping into my palm. Feeling the bed shift beside me, Niall’s hand slipped over the round of my shoulder and he gently tugged me towards him. “C’mere, baby…” Reaching to the back of my feet to flick off my heels, I let them drop to the floor before comfortably sinking down into him, scooting my body to curl up on my side as I tucked my wet face against his invitingly warm bare chest.

I closed my eyes, my fingers wiping up across my wet cheeks as I sniffed back my tears. The soft musky smell of his skin wafted in through my nose, and I let his scent slowly engulf me, settling deep in the crevices of my memories as if I knew that would be the only place I could ever really keep him. He gently rubbed his hand up and down the span of my arm, pressing me tighter against him as he laid the side of his face on the top of my head. “It’s just really hard,” I muttered against his skin, my hand splaying on his chest under the tuck of my chin, “It’s really hard letting you go.”

“You don’t have to let me go,” he whispered back, the rumble from his voice vibrating against my ear, “Not completely.”

I rolled my trembling lips into my mouth, faintly shaking my head against his chest. “Niall, I-I let you go...every single time you leave,” I said, my voice breaking from my held back sobs, “And every single time...a little piece of me goes with you. I try-...I try not to let it bother me and I try...not to think about it,” I paused to suck in a breath, squeezing my eyes shut as I pushed the side of my face down into his warm skin, “But it’s just...too hard. I know what can’t be. I know that I can’t...can’t reroute my entire life….as much as I…”

The words trailed off as I couldn’t hold my cries in anymore, my whole body shaking as I struggled to regain my composure. “Shh,” he shushed into my hair, his other arm coming over to wrap around me, “Baby, c’mon...you’re gonna make me cry.”

I burst out a chuckle between my sobs, choking back a breath as I ran the back of my hand under my nose. “Sorry...sorry for my tears,” I whined out in a shaky tone.

Niall’s body vibrated under me as he tipped his head back in a low laugh at my comment, the reaction making me laugh along with him. Lowering his head back down, I felt his hand slowly drag over to cup the side of my face, his calloused thumb gently swiping across my cheek to wipe away at my leaking tears. He shook his head lightly as he stared down at me, his chest expanding as he took in a deep breath. “I can’t believe how crazy this has gotten. I never…” I heard his voice crack a bit and the sound of him sniffling back his own tears as I curled my fist up against my mouth, my watery eyes darting over his rapidly rising chest. “I never thought,” he paused to blow a shaky breath past his lips, his hand slipping off the side of my face to run up through his hair as he struggled to clear the tears from his throat, “I just didn’t expect it...I wish I could give ya everythin’ you want...I hope I can one day, Sybs.”

“This is what I want, Niall,” I whispered back to him, turning my face slightly to press a tiny kiss to his clammy skin, “Right here with you. This is all I want.”

I felt the push of his lips at the top of my head. “And I hope one day I can give this to you every single day. I hope I can be the one that you come home to, you deserve that. You deserve someone who's gonna be here for you 100% of the time, Sybs, and fuck…” he paused to gather his thoughts, “I wish that could be me. You..you have no fuckin’ idea how bad.”

Sliding my arm over his chest to wrap around his side, I pressed my body down into him, screwing my eyes shut as I buried my face into his chest. “Me too.”

“I’m so sorry, darlin’.”

“We have to stop...don’t we?” I breathed out.

He stayed quiet for a moment before I felt his hand slide over from my arm to gently let his fingers comb through my hair. “I don’t know...I don’t want to, but...I’ll do whatever you need me to.”

Slowly unsticking my tear stained cheek from the skin of his chest, I tilted my head back to look up at him, easily catching his heavy lidded stare. The bright in his eyes was gone, now stinging a glassy grey and completely bloodshot, probably as much as my own and I let my tongue peak out to run over my dry lips. “I can’t…keep letting you go,” my voice cracked as I paused to swallow, “But I think I have to.”

He darted his eyes with mine before I let my stare fall over all the wonderful intricacies of his face. The perfect slope of his nose, the tiny dark freckles that specked his pale skin, all the way down to the thick scruff that covered his now trembling chin. “Okay,” he whispered, tucking his lips in his mouth, “Okay…”

I slid my face back down to rest on his overtly warm chest, my fingers dancing lightly across the dark hairs. We stayed silent for a while, just listening to each other breathe, holding on to one another and letting ourselves be in the moment. My eyes futtered with each pass of his fingertips through my hair and over my scalp, the weight of his face resting on the top of my head making a needed comfort slowly fill the painful aching in my bones. “Ni?” I asked, my voice so soft on my tongue, I wasn’t even sure if he had heard me.

“Yeah?”

I swallowed hard, sinking my teeth into my bottom lip. “Would it be, um, weird...to ask you...to make love to me? Just...one last time?”

“It’s not weird,” he softly assured me, his fingers coming over to clasp under my chin, “I would like nothin’ more in the world right now, than to make love to you.” Lifting my face back up to his, I sighed out a tiny breath as he tipped his head down to bring his lips to mine. I melted into the tender kiss, my bottom lip entrapped between his as he lightly slipped his tongue out to lick across the inside of it. My eyes fell closed, my heart nearly bursting out of my ribcage as I strained my neck further to deepen the kiss.

Feeling him slowly turn himself, my body instinctively fell back into the bed, his arm sliding out from under the cradle of my head as I rested it on the pillow and his slim body situating perfectly over top of mine. He nestled himself between my legs, my lips never once leaving his as my hands came up to grip around the sides of his face to pull him deeper into me. I wanted to feel every part of him; linger my lips on his, taste the sticky sweat on his mottled skin and steal the shallow breaths from his gasping lungs. I wanted to be paralyzed from his heat; from the weight of his thick body and rolling movement of his hips as he worked above me. I wanted to hear the sounds of his pleasure; the sounds that could only come from how good I made him feel, the sounds that were only for me. I wanted to fall apart from his touch; from the way he looked into my eyes, from the way he would see me, watch me transcend, devour me with nothing more than a longing stare and a soft whisper. I wanted to grab ahold of all of these things, steal these things and keep them inside me, bury them as if they were my very own little treasures that only I could ever seek.

I didn’t know what began to come over me, the softness of the moment, the tender touch of his big hands as the caressed down the curves of my clothed body, the simple tilt of his chin against mine as he enticed me to kiss him more...I wasn’t sure what it was but at that very second, I felt a lull of calmness completely wash over me. “I feel so safe with you,” I breathed out into his mouth, my words weak but still heard by him as he slowly peeled his lips from mine to peer down at me.

My eyes eased open, my chest heaving as I struggled to catch a solid breath. Slipping my hands off his face, I lazily curled my arms up over my head and rested them on the pillow. I dreamily stared up at him, watching a smirk tug at the corner of his lip. “I feel safe with you, too.”

Tucking my bottom lip in my mouth, I gently shook my head. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled with a breathy laugh.

“For what?”

“For…” I slowly rolled my gaze away from his, “Being such a girl.”

“Eh,” he said, shrugging a shoulder with a scrunch of his nose, “It’s kinda one of the things I like most about ya.” Giving him a giggle, I tucked my face into my arm as Niall’s head hung down, his entire body shaking with the rumbled sound of his chuckle. Letting out a sigh, he peeked back up at me before leaning down to press another kiss to my mouth. I giggled softly against his lips, his body hovering above mine as his hands traveled down to mindlessly grab at the bottom hem of my dress. Humming into his open mouth, I felt the material slowly being shifted up my thighs, my back arching to ease in the tug of it over my bum and up my torso.

His teeth playfully nipped at my bottom lip, hot breath spilling out as he tipped his head to the side, kissing me even harder. Sliding the dress up over the peaks of my breasts, his big hands gripped to the thin fabric, leaving it bunched up under my armpits as he swept his eager tongue against mine, swallowing my sniffling whines.

He slowly broke his mouth away from mine as I sunk my teeth down into my kiss-bitten lip, my eyes still pinched shut as I felt the soft material glide over my face and up the length of my arms. I faintly gasped as his mouth frantically attached itself to my neck, my head tipping back just a bit as he shoved his hands up under my back, enticing me to arch again for him as his nimble fingers unclasped my bra. His lips left my skin, tender from the rough scratch of his scruff, with a heavy smack as he leaned up just enough to slip my bra off of my raised arms, a smile tugging at my lips as I let them flop back over my head.

Finally opening my eyes, I caught his stare for a moment before he let his gaze drift down the span of my exposed body and I could see, even in the dimness of his room, the dark of his pupils quickly dilating. His swollen lips were parted, tiny pants of breaths flowing past as he hovered himself above me just enough to get in the full sight of me, of everything I was always so willing to give.

I swallowed hard, just watching his eyes flow over my frame, feeling him pulse between my legs as he grew harder for me. A breath stalled in my lungs when the slight brush of his thumb gently caressed over one of my pert nipples. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, flicking his stare to mine, “You’re so beautiful.”

My eyes fluttered at his words; at the softness, the gentleness, the pureness in the way he spoke and I felt the tears once more trying to slip their way up to the brims of my eyes. My chin trembled a bit and I instinctively squeezed my eyes closed in attempt to ward them off. “You’re gonna make me cry again,” I shakily breathed out.

He chuckled, shifting to lean down on his elbows that encircled me. “No more cryin’,” he insisted, leaning his face down to gently nudge his nose at mine. The sweet touch made me peel my eyes open, darting my stare with his. “Unless...it’s from how good I make ya feel.”

I rolled my eyes in a smile as he gave me a cocky smirk and I flung my arms up over his shoulders, readily gripping the back of his neck to pull him down into a kiss. “I’ll try my best,” I mewed against his lips, pushing out a breathy laugh. He kissed me harder in response, roughly nipping at my bottom lip before sliding his mouth off mine and licking over the jut of my jaw. I moaned out, the unruly sound vibrating against his lips as he sucked across my throat, his tongue teasing circles down into the hollow of it before his teeth grazed lightly over my collarbones.

His warm lean body rolled into mine, just enough to let me feel him before I felt the pressure of his hips move from between my legs, his wet mouth dragging down to tenderly explore the delicate peaks and valleys of my bared breasts. My fingers clawed through his hair as the hot of his curious tongue teased across my nipples, slowly pulling them in between the round of his pink lips as his big hands cupped the underside of my breasts.

Low whimpers etched from my throat as he kneaded at my breasts; my skin already a blazing fire under his touch and my chest rising high as he eased his mouth around one breast before slowly moving to the other, never once letting the attention fall from my quivering flesh. My head pushed further back into the pillow, my nails scraping down the sides of his neck as his lips traced over the middle of my tummy, soft puckering kisses being placed one inch at a time as his body slid down the bed.

I gulped in a sharp breath, my body tensing as his big hands cradled around my hips and the tip of his nose teased over my belly button with faint circles. His hot breath pulsed out over my sensitive skin, goosebumps rising as the prickles of his beard grazed back and forth. I felt the very tip of his tongue jut out; trailing back and forth along the top hem of my panties as his head slowly tipped left and then right.

I struggled to breathe, my eyes flying open and peeking down at him as he settled his chest between my legs. I couldn’t even move my hips up if I wanted to; his solid weight bearing down on me as he teased and licked and sucked over my warm soft flesh; eager to taste me but greedy enough to want me to beg him for it. His calloused fingers dug into the sides of my bum as his thumbs pinched my hipbones and I brokenly whined out to him, words too desperate to form as I let my hands fall lax to the bed beside me, twisting my fingers into the sheets.

“Oh...oh, shit..”

The words finally stuttered out of my mouth, a breathy chuckle being blown out across my lower tummy as he slowly lifted his face to look up at me. My lips parted as I stared down at him, his brows raised slightly and darkness clouding every inkling of color in his eyes and I just gasped in breath after heavy strained breath, slowly letting my hips push up against his chest.

Licking at his lips, my eyes fluttered as he laid one more soft kiss to the skin of my tummy before he carefully pushed himself up from me; his fingers immediately hooking into the sides of my panties as he leaned up on his knees. My bum rose just a bit to let him slide the material down my legs and grabbing at my one leg, he gently lifted it to pull my panties all the way off, tossing them over his shoulder as he stepped off the bed to the floor.

I hadn’t taken my eyes off of him, his every move accentuated by the blistering heat of the room around us and the bluish glow of the TV behind him. Every arch in his body, every fleck of hair, every cut of his muscles and round of his flesh; he looked stunning, godly even as he slowly stripped himself of his boxers and knelt back on the bed by my bent legs.

Pulling in a jumbled breath, his stare ghosted over my naked body before I locked eyes with him, a tiny smirk curling at the corner of his lip as he reached down and gripped one of my ankles, easily bringing my leg up to his shoulder. I breathed out a giggle, throwing a hand up to my forehead and tangling my fingers into the front of my hair. His lips pressed right to the inside of my ankle, small kisses being trailed down the span of my leg as he slowly lowered his body with each brush of his lips. My eyes rolled back in a shallow moan as his hot mouth slipped down the inside of my thigh.

Broken whines urged out of my throat, my elbow falling to the bed beside me as my eyes flew open to look down at him, seeing that he was readily staring at me, his eager mouth curling into a smirk the closer his lips slid towards my center. My thighs shook, toes curling into the bunched sheets and I struggled with wanting to roll my hips up to meet the teasing laps of his tongue. His teeth gently sunk into the meaty flesh of my inner thigh and kissed right into the crease of my leg, his big palms pressing to the tops of my legs to hold me still as he tipped his head to hover his mouth over my dripping heat.

His darkened eyes darted with mine, a breathy chuckle rumbling out over my begging center as he slowly dragged the pillow of his bottom lip across my overly sensitive clit, the action making my body coil up. “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,” I repeated over and over, the words muttering past my dry lips. My back arched slightly off the bed, my body greedily searching for the heat of his mouth and I felt the pads of his fingers press deeper into my skin as he teased soft kisses along my pubic bone and over my folds. I felt my wetness spilling out of me, each pant of his breath intensifying my need to feel him and I knew as I stared down into his eyes, exactly what he was doing. He was savoring me; relishing in my taste and scent, the delicate lines and soft curves of my body, the memory of me.

My eyes fluttered in a held breath, never moving focus off of his as he tenderly nudged his nose to my heated skin and gave me a long slow lick right up my slit. A low shudder fell over my entire body, my legs pleading to clamp around him as he continued to lap at me; lazily and with purpose in each sweet taste. His lips wrapped around my clit, sucking gently as he loosened his grip on my thighs to let me ride into his movements, my brows furrowing as I lifted my head up off the pillow, tiny breathy whines gurgling up out of my throat.

He sucked at me harder in response, burying his tongue between my folds as my hand came over to card through the top of his messy hair. I watched his eyes flutter a little when my fingers tangled in and he popped his mouth off of me, his skin slick with my wetness as he peered down at my swollen pink center. A smile spread over his mouth before he pushed it back against me, licking along my slit one more time before he slid over my throbbing clit and snuck a kiss at my public bone. My head dropped back to the pillow, my eyes rolling shut as he slipped his hands off my thighs and began to move his body up the span of mine; softly kissing his way back up to my lips.

I swallowed hard, gulping in a needed breath as I felt his mouth fervently drag up between my breasts and over my throat; a messy trail of spit being left in his devouring wake. Settling himself between my legs, I could feel his hot breath hovering over my mouth and the slightest tickle of his scratchy beard on the skin of my chin. He didn’t move, didn’t say anything, barely made a sound and I let my quickening breaths fill the inch of space between us as I slowly peeled my eyes open and met his stare.

And we stayed like that. For minutes, could’ve been hours for all I knew just silently gazing at one another as his strong arms wrapped around my upper body and his slim hips nestled down between my thighs. It was intimate and warm, intense, sensual and terrifyingly erotic. It was us, just us, Niall and I in this moment, in this space with each other. It was just me and him, as it always was. How I knew in my heart it should be.

I could feel my body begin to overflow with want for him, the need to feel him inside me, filling me and fucking me. I wasn’t one to beg, I never really needed to with Niall, but my eyes slowly started to widen as he twitched against me and I bared my hips down into the mattress, more than eager to feel the friction I craved. He let his hand lightly brush some hair off the side of my face; flicking his eyes up to watch his fingers slide over my temple and I clasped my hands around the sides of his ribcage, feeling his muscles contract under the tautness of his warm skin.

My eyes searched his as he looked back down at me and I let my lips part into a soft smile, the sweet gesture being returned as he threw his arm down to grab at my lower leg, quickly tossing it up over the dip of his bum. I huffed out a giggle, kneading at his back as I felt his hips lift up just enough to position himself at my opening. My chest rose high in anticipation as he leaned back down into me, nuzzling his nose at mine. “Ready, baby?”

A shaky breath pulsed past my parted lips and filled his mouth as I barely nodded my head, his lips pushing to mine as he slowly let himself sink into me. He swallowed the whimpers that vibrated from my throat, my fingers digging into the hot skin of his back as he buried his length all the way inside, holding himself still as my center stretched and pulsed around his thickness. I was so incredibly full, so completely satisfied just to feel him inside me and I sighed out against the hungry sweep of his tongue as his hand tangled into the side of my hair, his palm curling around the side of my face.

He slowly began to move his hips, letting the slight curve of his cock pull along my inner walls as his other hand cradled the side of my bum, helping to hold me steady. The air in the room began to stifle around us, our skin melding together as the sweat started to build, heaving panting breaths being caught in each others lungs as I gently clawed at his soft pale skin; raised marks bleeding red in equal trails down the sides of his back.

My eyes pinched shut and I flung my head to the side as he tucked his face down by my neck, his mouth nipping at the sticky skin. Breathy moans slid past my lips and I sunk my teeth down to stifle as much as I could; the pace of his thrusts beginning to pick up as his fingers dug deep into the thick flesh of my backside. I could feel him start to pull his hips back, bringing the tip of his cock to rest just inside my opening and my mouth hung slack as he started to do that special little move of his that he knew drove me wild.

I choked back a stuttered breath, my body immediately tensing under him as I began to feel myself quickly wanting to succumb to my release. He just felt that good, felt that right inside me. “Oh my God…” The words slid off my tongue, matching the heated waves of his short thrusts, “S-stop, Niall….” I pushed my hands into the sides of his ribs, scrunching my face up in heavy breaths as I tired to hold myself off on my orgasm, “Stop...go-...go slow…”

His hips stalled as he flung his head up to peer down at me, his skin flushed pink and sheened with sweat. “You...okay? You don’t like it?”

“No, I j-just…” My whispered voice broke as I struggled to inhale, my chest heaving, “I don’t want to...come yet…”

Turning my face, I looked up at him and moved my arms to grab around his face, yanking him down into a kiss. He chuckled against my lips as he sunk himself all the way inside me again, gaining a low groan from me. “Thought I was doin’ somethin’ wrong there,” he breathed out, faintly shaking his head as he pulled back from the kiss to rest his forehead to mine.

“No, no, not wrong,” I assured him, combing my fingers through the sides of his hair, “Just too fucking good.” He chuckled under his breath and pressed his lips to mine again, my eyes falling closed as I inhaled deeply, his thrusts slow and lazy as he gently fucked into me. “I wanna ride you.”

His kisses paused at my lips and I eased my eyes open, locking my stare on his. He raised his brows, his mouth turning down into a smirk and with no hesitation, he shoved his arms under my body and rolled us both over so I was sitting on top of him. A laugh spilled out of my mouth as I leaned up, tucking my feet up under his slightly spread thighs and placing my hands to the front of his chest.

Eyes glued to mine, I raked a hand through my unruly hair to swing it out of my face as I bit down on my lip, my hips grinding down on him, slow and steadily. I saw him shake his head briefly as he exhaled, his eyes fluttering from the feeling of me rolling against him, twirling my hips as I fucked him. “Jesus,” he mumbled, the word pulling across his pink lips. I smiled down at him, leaning over to cup his face in my hands as I pressed my mouth to his. Kissing him hard, his big hands splayed at the dip in my lower back, slowly dragging up and tangling into my hair.

I pushed my hips down deep, letting him fill me as much as he could before sliding up and down on him, my teeth nipping and tugging at his bottom lip. “Mmm,” I hummed out, licking inside his mouth as I slowly broke the kiss and sat myself back up on him, my hands gliding over his jaw and neck and through his dark patch of hair that covered his mottled chest.

I could feel the muscles of his stomach flexing under my touch as I rode him, long drawn out circles of my hips and deep grinds, purposefully trying to drag out the feeling of him inside me, him filling me and fucking me for as long as I could. I never wanted this to end, I wanted to be like this with him forever. His hands wrapped around my hips, gripping tight to me as I worked him and I could tell by the furrow of his brow and the tension in his body, that he wasn’t going to last much longer.

Licking at his lips, he fixated his eyes up at me and I scraped my teeth over my bottom lip, tiny cries pulsing out with every pull of his cock inside me and leaned my body back, my hands flying behind me to brace myself at his thighs. Bouncing on him, the tip of his cock tapped at my special spot, over and over as my breaths quickened and the sweat began to bead up and drip down the valley of my breasts. Digging my fingers into the meaty flesh of his hairy thighs, my head lulled back to rest on my hunched shoulders and I felt the heavy curious drag of his large hands slowly slide over the front of my body, groping greedily at my breasts.

My mouth dropped open, broken whines etching from my bared throat as I fucked him harder, dipping to grind deeper on him before rolling my hips back and forth. “Holy shit,” he stuttered out, “Fuck…you’re so...good.”

Breathing out a smile at his words, his thumbs flicked over my erect nipples, pulling at them before ghosting his palms down to wrap around the small of my waist. Slowly rolling my head back up, my hazy eyes opened to gaze down at him, catching his stare for just a moment before I slipped a hand down his thigh, coming to rest between his legs as I easily found his balls. He gasped in a shattered breath, throwing his head back into the bed as I rolled him in my palm, gently tugging every so often as I continued to fuck down into him.

I watched him, my eyes fluttering from the warmth growing in my lower tummy and I began to see his body start to react, tensing and beading sweat as his face scrunched up. “Fuck!” he yelled out, hissing in a breath as he shot his eyes open and leaned up, wrapping a solid arm around my waist to swiftly flip me over to my back once again.

I gapsed in a breath as he settled between my legs again and buried all the way inside me. “Wasn’t gonna make it,” he grumbled out into my neck, my hands plastered at his sides as my legs hooked up around his hips. His panting breaths seared into my skin, my eyes pinching shut as the heated spark began swirling deep in my belly, one by one shooting up to the tips of my toes and fingers. I struggled to breathe, his weight restricting my lungs and I coiled my body around his, desperate to make this last as long as I could.

“Niall…” I finally whined out, feeling his thrusts speed up, pushing deep into me as I clenched around him.

He grunted lowly as his hand slowly ran up the side of my body, dipping into my curves before coming up to cup around my chin. “God, baby….” he mumbled, nudging his nose to the side of my sticky neck, “I wanna...stay inside you forever.”

His words caused a weak cry to spill off my lips, a sharp breath being choked back as I slid my hands to his shoulders, holding him against me as I let my trembling body start to give in. “So fuckin’....beautiful,” he whispered between thrusts, “...oh God...baby...”

His thrusts were slow and deep, almost painfully so and I rocked my hips towards him, begging to feel his thickness right where I needed him. His fingers dug into the skin of my chin as he kissed up over my jaw, bringing my stare to his. I could feel my body teetering over that edge, my swollen center clenching down around him as he rollled his hips back, working that special little move of his.

My lips parted in a shaky gasp as I darted my cloudy stare with his, my nails practically ripping the skin off his shoulder blades. “Come with me,” he demanded in a rushed breath, his voice gruff in his throat as he roughly pressed his mouth to mine, “Wanna feel..my baby...come with me.”

Softly whimpering into his open mouth, he raised his face away from mine to peer down at me, wanting to watch me fall apart. Nodding his head as he gently tipped his hips, Niall fucked me right where he knew to, right where he knew I couldn’t fight it anymore. My eyes began to roll back and my lips fell slack as I struggled to gulp in a breath, my body beginning to convulse around him. I had zero control over myself, Niall fucking into me with everything he had and forcing my body to convey, to fall apart under him.

“Yes, y-yes...oh my God...Ni...” I cried out, my overly sensitive body writhing uncontrollably, pulsing around him.

“Good….good girl,” he praised under his breath, his own body tensing under my touch as he rolled on top of me. I felt the faint brush of his thumb against my tongue as it slipped into my mouth and I clamped my lips around it, sucking as he pushed himself deep inside me, dropping his head in a loud groan into my neck.

I squeezed my arms around him and he thrust once more deep inside me before I felt his own orgasm pulling from his spent body, gasping breaths pushing past my lips as his thick warmth slowly began to fill me with a long moan rumbling out from his chest. My name slipped off his parted lips and pasted to the sticky skin of my neck, his heavy body trembling and rocking through his orgasm as I strained to come down.

His fingers slid off my chin to lightly card through the side of my tangly mess of hair and I heavily pulsed around him, my swollen walls gently milking him of every drop of his release. We laid quiet; our bodies on fire, gasping to catch our breaths and trembling with aftershocks. I felt a shiver ripple down my spine, my eyes fluttering from the feeling as his parted lips rested faintly at the curve of my throat. “I love you.”

He whispered it against my neck. Under his breath and between heavy pants, but I heard it. I heard it and I weakly gasped, screwing my eyes shut as I fought off the need to start crying again. Hooking my legs up over his bum, I held onto him a bit tighter, tucking my face down into the broad of his shoulder as I felt his lips ghost over the side of my face to place a tender kiss to my temple.

“Will you stay the night with me?”

Nodding my head, I tucked my face deeper into his blistering hot skin. “Yes,” I mumbled. Lifting his face from the heat of my neck, I slowly let my head drop back, peering up at him as he reached over to softly brush some hair from my face. Niall smiled down at me, that really sweet smile that made that little dimple pluck into his cheek and I shyly smiled back at him before he leaned in to press a quick kiss to my mouth.

Rolling his body off of mine, I hissed from the loss of him inside me and a wave of chill slid down the span of my sweat coated body as he plopped down on the bed. I flicked my eyes over to him, muddled thoughts crashing through my already fuzzy head as he pushed up to grab at the duvet, which had been unintentionally kicked almost all the way off the edge of the bed and yanked at it. Huffing out a breath as he slumped back down, I swallowed hard as he flung an arm around me to pull my body into his.  

I snuggled against him as he situated the covers over our naked bodies; my one leg lounging over his and my face nuzzling down against his warm chest as my confused mind continued to replay what he had said over and over in my head. We stayed curled up with one another and I remained quiet, contently listening to him babble here and there about random things as we watched whatever show was playing on the TV. I wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying; his voice easing in and out of my ears along with the sound of the TV and my blurry stare drifted over his walls before floating down to watch his fingers mindlessly pull at a tiny string that stuck out from the blanket.

I wasn’t sure what to say, or if he even realized he had said it. If it was genuine or a heat of the moment slip of the tongue and I tried blocking it out, telling myself it didn't matter, but my heart was racing, clinging desperately to every single memory of those three little words leaving his lips.

Feeling little kisses pressing to the top of my head and the soft trails of his fingertips down the slope of my back, the low drone of his breathing and rhythmic beat of his heart that buzzed in my ears began to help me relax against him. The comforting warmness exuded from him, encompassing my body as his voice slowly waned over the next hour or so; replaced by the tiny subtle snores as he had fallen asleep. I carefully tipped my head up to catch a glimpse of him; the light glow from the TV screen bouncing off the sharp lines of his nose and the tiny pout of his lips. A smile slid over my lips, my eyes tracing the soft lines of his closed eyelids and tiny dark eyelashes and I bit down into my bottom lip, just letting my stare soak up every pretty little detail of him. He was a dream, and I felt like I was in a dream. A dream I never wanted to wake up from.

Slipping my head up from his chest, I faintly brushed a finger over the jut of his little lips, letting it slide down to dip into the dimple of his chin. Leaning up just a bit, I nudged the tip of my nose to his before pushing a gentle kiss to his lips. I gazed down at him, my eyes fawning over the soft ruggedness of his face and pausing on each dark freckle and tiny out of place hair before reaching over to grab the remote that was laying on the bed beside him.

He shifted beneath me a bit from the pressure of my naked body pressing harder into him and I giggled under my breath as he turned his head to the side to face me, his lips softly smacking in his deepened sleep. Turning off the TV, I tossed the remote to the bed and situated myself back down into him, curling my arm over his middle under the covers and taking in a deep breath; my body molding to his as I let my eyes flutter closed, the soft rumbling ebb and flow of his deep breaths easily lulling me to sleep.

My restless slumber only lasted a couple hours, the thoughts that were swirling around in my jumbled mind, plaguing me and forcing my body to wake up. My eyes eased open as I flipped over in his bed, my hand coming up to rub across my eyes and push some strands of hair off my forehead. Blowing out a deep sigh, my stare fiddled through the darkness of his room, catching the broken streams of silver light of the moon that was filtering in through the open blinds of his balcony door. I laid still for a few minutes, just listening to Niall breathe beside me and trying not to dissect the chaoticness floating around in my head before I slowly pushed myself up from his toasty warm bed, needing to step outside to get a bit of fresh air. I stumbled over to a large lounge chair that sat in nearest corner of his room and grabbed one of the many long sleeve button up shirts he had hanging on the arm before slinging it over my body and quietly slipping outside onto the balcony.

Tip toeing my bare feet across the cold concrete, I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned into the railing. It was still dark outside, the sun not yet having begun to rise and it was fairly warm, just a light tepid breeze blowing down from the hills. I reached up to tuck some hair behind my ear as I took in the sight before me. Beautiful lights sparkling through the winding roads and between the trees. The Hollywood sign was lit up in the distance, peering down over the city as a few billowy clouds passed over the the grey moon that sat high in the dusty sky.

Pulling in a deep breath, I let out a soft sigh and was startled when I felt the heated slide of Niall’s big hands around my waist. He chuckled into my hair as he pressed the front of his body against my back, my eyes fluttering closed as he breathed out against the side of my face.

“I can’t sleep,” I muttered, as he pushed a kiss to my temple, lifting his face from mine.

“Mmm, why’s that?” His voice was groggy, rattling deep in his chest and I shrugged my shoulders against him as I let my arms fall to sit on top of his that were firmly wrapped around my middle. “Thinkin’ ‘bout things?”

Scraping my teeth over my bottom lip, I slowly dropped my stare as a slight breeze picked up and whirled around us. “I don’t know…”

“Hey…” I felt him peel his body away from mine, his fingers grabbing at mine as he stepped back and pulled at me, causing me to twirl around. Giggling out, I fell into his embrace, his fingers entwining with mine as his arm slung around my waist, slowly rocking us back and forth.

Flicking my eyes up to his, I reached up with my free hand and combed my fingers through the side of his hair to cup around the back of his head. “I thought you didn’t dance, Niall,” I teased him, biting at my lip.

He leaned into me, his warm and naked body pushing up against my own. Resting his forehead to mine, I breathed out a smile as he darted his eyes with mine, our bodies still moving in time to the imaginary music. “Well, baby,” he whispered, nudging my nose with his as his hand slid up my back to cradle my neck, “I wanna dance with you.”

Rolling my eyes in a huff, I fought the smile that wanted to plaster itself on my lips. “You’re too charming for your own good.”

“Yeah, I know.”

I giggled, faintly shaking my head as I let him gently sway us back and forth, the light breeze blowing around us as the quiet settled comfortably. Feeling his fingers card through my hair, I slowly let my forehead slide off of his, my face tucking down into the crook of his neck. I breathed in deep; wanting to revel in the way he smelled, the way his warmth radiated over me and how his touch made the flutters tickle through my belly.

Feeling my heart become heavy in my chest, the thoughts that were keeping me awake before slowly started to creep back into my head. “Ni?” I mumbled, my voice muffled against the side of his neck.

His chest rose in a heavy breath. “Yeah?”

“Did you...mean...what you said to me earlier?” I continued, pausing to swallow back the nerves that were bubbling up in my throat, “When we were...ya know…”

Our bodies stilled as the words left my mouth and I held a breath tight in my lungs as his face slowly slid down the side of mine, his mouth just resting at my ear. His fingers twisted into my hair as he held my body against his and I let my eyes flutter as his hot breath pulsed out against my skin. “Have I ever lied to ya, Sybs?”

He spoke so low, I almost couldn’t understand him but I pinched my eyes closed as I shook my head within his grip. “No.”

Huffing out a chuckle, he nuzzled his nose into my hair. “Well, I ain’t gonna start now.”

I let out a short sigh and slowly raised my face, pushing to my tip toes as I brought my mouth up to his ear. Letting my eyes fall closed, I licked over my lips as I pulled him closer into me. “I love you too.”

He smiled against the skin at the side of my face, his hand untangling from mine to wrap around my body in a hug. I slung my arms over his shoulders as I tipped my head and my mouth easily found his. Kissing him, I breathed out a laugh as his hands slipped up to cup around my cheeks. “Can’t believe you even gotta ask me that?” he commented, dripping with sarcasm and it made me roll my eyes in a scoff.