#think peice

To me, being a good person is a nice sentiment. However, from my experience, it seemed more like a social barometer. I was more concerned with how other perceived me. Whether or not I was going to make people happy or offend them. But as I grew up, I realized how I was wasting my time with such a nebulous and esoteric concept. 

Yes I listen to my friends when they need someone to talk to. Or when they need someone to seek advice. But sometimes I need to be firm with them and tell them to knock off certain habits or break off relationships with toxic people. And if they persist with these bad habits and progressively get worse then I have to pressure them into changing. 

I may not be perfect, I have a hard time knocking off bad habits. There is a person in my life I either need to put my foot down with or cut out but something is stopping me. So yes I know bad habits are hard to kill. Doesn't make it any better when you cling to them. 

“Respect everyone opinions” or “be nice to one another” or “don’t force your ideas onto someone” all sound nice and people who focus on being good people often follow these rules like dogma. And in certain trivial situation they do apply and make sense. But when it comes to a person’s physical mental health and well being, someone safety or overall quality of life then that is where pleasantries and platitudes no longer apply. 

SOMETIMES (and pay attention to that because people seem to have poor reading skills) SOMETIMES, it’s ok to be forceful, to put your foot down hard, to tell someone to stop, to tell them they need to change, to raise your voice, you need to hit someone with a harsh dose of bitter reality, to get angry. And you are not extremist for doing so. 

(So long as what your doing isn’t illegal or might invoke authorities obviously.)

They’ll hiss, moan, yell and call you a bad person for being so negative. But if people don’t feel like they need to change then they become complacent and nothing will get solved. 

I was often told to just ignore someone’s perverted, intrusive, overtly offensive mentally and physically abusive behavior. And that if I didn’t then I would be seen as a bad person. I did that for year. Smiled and was unconfrentational. 

And I felt good for a while. But then I realized I was sheltering pedophiles, abusers, libertarians, racists, bigots and all sorts of horrible people from consequences. One even outright admitted it to me and told me he tried to have sex with a teenager. One even kept pelting his friends with racial and homophobic slurs and I did nothing. And looking back I enabled an abuser to go on unchecked as the person drained their spouses income and yelled them into submission. I did nothing. I even encouraged people in those situations to not be confrontational and not rock the boat because it would ruin the “peace” I helped create in my local community. But looking back it was false peace I helped create. 

I was so blinded by the need to be well liked and to seem like a “good person” that I didn’t know I was doing something wrong.

What I’m saying is, you can be a “good person” and still do the wrong thing. 

Because being a “good” person is a very vague thing. Because you can moralize anything or use any platitude to justify what you’re doing. 

You can be a very devote Christian, believe yourself to be the nicest person in the world, trying your best to be a spiritually enlightened person, and discourage conflict as much as possible. But you can still make the wrong decisions. You can believe that killing babies is wrong and be anti-abortion, but you ignore the problems with banning abortion. That you risk the lives of newborns and young mothers more so than ever by doing so. You can be believe in the healing power of forgiveness, but overlook the fact you forgave a pedophile or an abuser too easily. You can tell someone to “not rock the boat too much and just ignore them” but in turn you tell an abuse victim to never stand up to their abuser or take any action whatsoever. Leaving them at the hands of their abuser by letting the statues quo continue. You can be a well meaning religious person and give someone Chick Tract comics and not realize they’re terrible mini comics.

You can do the “nice” “good” thing but you can still do something wrong and horrible. 

These days I’m done seeming like a “good person” and have stopped caring. Don’t mean I’m a savage, I know how to conduct myself in public. Mostly. 

And if I hang with my friends we’ll still see movies, play games, and talk for hours like normal. 

But absolutist beliefs in “positivity” or wanting to be a “good person” was not only a waste of time but also a damaging experience. 

If I ever give people real advice it’s based on life experience and they’re more practical. I do try and be uplifting and reassuring, but that only gets you so far. And if you want the person to improve you can’t rely on sweet words alone. You need to give them advice that can actually, pragmatically help them. 

And SOMETIMES, you need to raise your voice and start being harsh in certain situations. 

Yes the world is filled with problems and negativity. And we need more positive and wholesome people. But positivity can also create those very same problems and have them persist. 

I might get a bit too thoughtful or metaphorical here, but...

In different fields of study, positive usually refers to something that creates while negative refers to something that subtracts, reduces or removes. Usually. Traditional healing can be seen as cells multiplying, growing and sealing up damages. Usually seen as a positive thing. But cancer cells are erratically growing cells that can cause serious damage to the body. 

Destruction of objects can be seen as a bad thing sometimes, but not always. We destroy and reshape substance in the earth to make things like medicine, salts, or even paints. Or we chops up vegetables and meats to create a meal. Destruction, though negative, can lead to something wonderful. Create something wonderful. 

And sometimes in order for things to change you will need to get controversial, get aggressive, or put your foot down. You may not get it right all the time and you may not look like a “good person”, but it’s better than doing nothing, worrying about the vague idea of morality or contributing to a problem. 

Fandoms, communities, or people, they don’t become toxic because of the machinations of a malevolent super villain or some unholy corrupting force or the sin of humanity...they happen because people do nothing to actually help. And believe too hard in such absolutists ideas.