#thingsinever

Fuck forgiveness.

I wear censure - not on my sleeve but directly in my palms. Like the red colored warning bands of a snake to keep predators from taking my hand.

I feel this burning -

All the way deep inside the bricks of my belly as it reminds me I'm still alive.

Even though I'm so broken; I can't fly.

I can't reach the water to extinguish this blaze// Because now.. now I AM drowning.

Gasping for air and grasping at straws to find all the ways to put out the kindles.

Because forgiveness ignited this spread of wildfire. The flame started as a small spark-And it spread to all the parts - OF ME that I gave-

Each time that I forgave.

Every time, I tried to bury it in the soil- hoping the flare would suffocate; but I lost air in my lungs.

As forgiveness held it's purpose in the back of my throat trying to escape as an 'I'm sorry,'

But its exit was being stuck by the hands clasped around it.

Fuck forgiveness.

Fuck patience.

Fuck the never ending black hole that is "I'm sorry."

Fuck words.

And fuck you.

Things I never thought I'd have to write about