Oct 23, 2016
You will always hold a piece of me, that I’ll never take back, even if I wanted to.
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You will always hold a piece of me, that I’ll never take back, even if I wanted to.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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They say nothing is accidental. That everything happens for a reason. You never meet people accidentally, they're all meant to cross your path, and you theirs. So if there is a reason for everything then that means there must be a reason for you being in my life. Whatever that reason is, I'm glad we crossed paths.Â
You’re a very guarded girl, and you’ve had a lot happen to you in the past. You’re strong, independent and like time to yourself from time to time doing your own thing. You never needed me in your life, you don’t NEED anyone. You wanted me there, and that’s a beautiful thing…the one and only thing I guess you could call a regret on my part is the fact that I lost sight of that simple fact. For that, I’m sorry.
Maybe...
So I sent you a text today, the first form of contact we’ve had in over a month of silence...now we’re having a conversation, and it’s nice. I know it’s only just starting, so I’m not going to think too much of anything, but baby steps, I think we’ll be okay. Maybe even have a stronger bond than ever, eventually. Maybe we can be better, maybe...
I think I began to lose myself in the pursuit of becoming the thing I thought you wanted me to be.
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You're the first person who has ever straight up called me out on what I now consider to be my bullshit, and yes, I will admit that you inspired me to me take a good hard look at myself, and I realised I wasn't who I want to be. I've made some changes to my life, my perspective...a lot has changed, for the better I think, but one thing that's stayed constant are my feelings for you. No matter how far I've strayed, or what I do to distract myself, I still feel you, in here (my heart) it's like we're connected. Like you're meant to be there. Like a magnet, I’m still very drawn to you...
Is it weird that since you left me, I think I love you more?Â
Imagine meeting someone who understood even the dustiest corners of your soul...I did because I let you come into my life, like the unexpected hurricane that you are, and you blew my marble dome clean off. I had an incredibly well encrypted firewall up, but I gave you the key and let you take it down. I exposed my mind, my heart, my soul...my everything to you. I don’t regret that, I’ll never regret the trust that I had for you, and I’m glad that you let me trust you because even though it’s hard right now knowing you’re not there in the same way that you were...you showed me what it’s like to trust someone like that, completely, unconditionally, without limits or constraints. You know I’ve always had trouble with that.
I used to say that you made my guard come down...but I’m realising that the truth is...you let me take it down, you let me be myself around you, completely. You let me show you all of me. By letting me do that, you’ve given me more confidence than I ever thought I’d have in who I am, who I want to be, and who I will be. I let my guard come down for you, and you let me be...me. You didn’t try to change me, but anything you did say about me in that sense was to better myself as an individual.Â
Now that you’ve left, I’m on a journey that I probably wouldn’t have admitted I needed to take, a journey that will actually change my life for the better. I hope that makes sense, because I’m so grateful to you for making me take those first few steps. I’m not sure you’ll ever appreciate quite how much you mean to me, how much you’re always going to mean to me. The only way to do that is to look at yourself through my eyes, but you can’t, you never will.
Oh but I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, even now, after all of this, I still don’t think too badly of you, in fact I’m at the point where I can think about good times we had, things that attracted me to you, and you to me in the first place and think of you with a kind of fondness. Even after being on this emotional roller-coaster I didn’t want a ticket to go on. That’s because...I care about you.