#things i'm learning

Don't cling so hard to memories that you lose the present situation. You can love someone and the memories that you share in the past without condoning how they treat you in the present. The past and present do not go hand in hand. Love who they were without trying to apply past logic to the person they became.

If someone is hurting you. Manipulating you. Move on. It isn't worth it. You'll never fix them.

Hollywood power couple goals: Rockstar Iceman Kazansky and his husband, movie star Maverick Mitchell.

i. the minutes are somehow longer, shorter, and wider all rolled into one; even for someone who never had much of a routine, to be thrown out of it was dizzying. each day goes by with large chunks of time that just exist. time to think, to feel – to not want to think and feel. the chunks, with time, however, get shorter and easier to fill.

ii. going from a state of comfortable emotional vulnerability to one of wanting to be emotionally vulnerable, but not quite being able to is tough, and isn't talked about nearly enough. do they want this? are they feeling the things i am? do they know what i'm feeling? should i tell them? do i want to? no, no, we know them. we know they aren't a bad person. ah, but do we ever truly know a person? if all we have are their words, do we believe them? will their actions deceive them? and if they don't, are they an honest person, or does pretense just come easy to them?

iii. limiting ourselves to thinking of "forever" as having only romantic connotations is, as humans, the worst thing we could ever do to ourselves. most relationships we come across aren't going to stand the forever test, but what makes it even worse isn't even the fact that we put as much pressure on our romantic ones to, but the fact that we don't even consider our platonic relationships to be in the same league to be able to compete for "forever." our friends are our lovers – maybe not in the context that word has always meant, but isn't that the beauty of language? words and their meanings evolve – the sooner we realise this, the better.

iv. feeling feelings is inescapable – whether it's bottling up the bad ones, or swatting away the good ones because we feel undeserving of them; the harder we try to stuff them down, the more forcefully they start bubbling back up. they'll twist and shout and shake and scream to be heard, and we have no choice but to listen. they don't like to be suppressed, didn't you know?