Original Story: Tattoo Gun
“You still have time to change your mind,” Quinn’s mother said.
“I’m doing this,” Quinn says. Her tone is confident, but as she looks up at the chalkboard and notices the fixed prices of tattoos she wonders if she should get a portrait of Madonna instead. Her eyes wander to the display of piercings beneath it, and she tries to keep her face straight when her eyes land on some that make her want to cringe.
“What’s taking them so long?”
“They’re busy Mom. It’s tourist season here.”
“I should have had your father come with you instead.”
“You wouldn’t let him,” Quinn mutters under her breath. She can’t stop her leg from bouncing up and down. Her eyes dart around the shop trying to find something to distract her as the silence between her and her mom becomes unbearable.
There are two or three pictures hanging from the purple walls, and Quinn can see where the tattoo artists draw outlines from her spot, but nothing is interesting enough to make her forget the quiet that is wrapping itself around her neck.
The young tattoo artist approaches her with sparkling eyes and a kind smile, “Are you ready, Quinn?”
“Yes,” Quinn replies grinning.
Quinn quickly hit ‘send application’ and closed the browser as her door opened. Whipping around in her chair she hoped she looked innocent as her mother entered the room.
“You better be doing homework.”
“I finished it already.” Quinn stilled her nerves. She needed to tell her mom about the application, however, she had a feeling she would be dismissed again. “I wanted to…” Her words caught in her throat as her eyes met her mother’s impatient ones.
“It’s nothing. I was just wondering if I could go to the movies tonight?”
“I don’t think so. It’s a school night.”
“Please? I’ll be back by curfew.”
“I said no, Quinn. We can watch a movie tonight if you want, but you’re not going out.”
Quinn’s shoulders slumped and she mumbled a defeated okay. Her mind wandered to how she would tell Anne that she had to reschedule their date again. She would tell her mom about Anne if she knew her mother would react positively. However, she could already hear her mother ranting about how foolish it was of her to start a relationship her senior year when she needed to be focusing on her future.
“I talked to Mr. Pierce today about your math grade. It’s slipping, Quinn.”
“It’s one bad test, Mom. I’ll bring the grade back up!”
“I’m just worried about you. You can’t go to a good school with an academic scholarship if your grades are bad.”
“Do you think I don’t know that? God! I can’t deal with this right now.” Quinn stated before she rushed out of the room.
Once outside Quinn began to run as fast she could. Her heart pounded in time with her feet hitting the pavement as the world around her faded. When she stopped she discovered she had run to the park she had frequented as a child. She remembered not being able to go on the monkey bars, because her mother was afraid she would fall off. She could only swing so high without her mother standing next to her, and she wasn’t allowed to slide down the slide when other children were near.
She climbed a tree at the edge of the playground and perched on a branch. What would Mom say if she saw me now? Quinn asked herself as a giant grin spread across her face. A breeze blew her hair back and she lifted her head to gaze at the sky. Birds floated lazily in the wind currents. Quinn tried to memorize the movement of their wings, the way the sun hit their feathers, and the sense of freedom she felt looking at them so she could recreate it later.
The tattoo gun buzzes to life behind Quinn. She takes a deep breath as the sound of the gun comes closer. She glances at her mother who is standing across the room with a stern expression on her face. Quinn’s nerves are offset by the anger that has entered her system.
The tattoo artist makes the first line and Quinn is surprised that all she feels is a pinch. She watches as a large man is lead back into the station she’s facing from the lobby, because he’s feeling queasy.
Out of the corner of her eye Quinn watches her mother come closer to look at her back. “This is a big decision.”
“I’m not changing my mind. It’s what I want.”
“My first tattoo was a small Celtic knot. I wasn’t sure and it’s permanent, you know?” Says the tattoo artist. Quinn glances back at his tattoo filled arms.
Quinn rolls her eyes. It can’t be that big of a decision, Quinn thinks even in her own head she can hear the sarcasm.
Her eyes wander around the open space. She can see into the lobby, for the only divider is the wall with the chalkboard of tattoo prices. Quinn wonders what she looks like, as she perches in her chair, to incoming customers.
The sensation strikes Quinn in the stomach causing her to feel as if she’s spinning. It’s a sensation Quinn is familiar with. She has felt it every time she has had her blood taken. Her eyes dart around the room; she’s not sure what she should do. Maybe she can fight through it.
“Can you stop for a second?” The feeling is getting stronger, and she knows sooner or later it will override her control.
“Change your mind?” Her mother asks smugly.
“No. Can you hand me my Gatorade?”
“Are you all right?” The tattoo artist asks.
“Yeah, I just need my drink.” Quinn takes the bottle with a shaky hand and drinks as much as she can. She glances at her mother and notices the concern that flashes across the woman’s face before she slips into unconsciousness.
“Can I come over?” Anne asked. Quinn was glad that they were on the phone and Anne couldn’t see her reaction to the question.
“Yeah, I guess, if you want to.”
“Are you sure?” Quinn knew this was her chance to say no, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She always had to cancel plans with Anne, and though the girl understood, Quinn could feel the strain it put on their relationship.
“All right. I’ll be over in fifteen minutes.”
Quinn put down her phone and wandered over to the mirror. She examined her pale skin and delicate features before she found her blue-green eyes. To her they were the eyes of a stranger, however; to the rest of the world they were the eyes of her mother. Every time she went out she ran into someone that would tell her she was looking more and more like her mother every day: except for her hair. Quinn noticed her roots were growing out and made a mental note to buy more hair dye soon.
Sighing, she opened her door and ventured toward the kitchen. The familiar sight of her mother sitting on the couch with a tumbler in her hand stopped her in her tracks.
“I have a friend coming over.” Quinn could not take her eyes off of the glass in her mother’s hand. She regretted not making up a reason why Anne couldn’t come over.
“I don’t want you procrastinating, Quinn. It makes for lousy grades. You know how much this…”
“I know. It’s done. When’s Dad coming home?”
“I don’t know. He called and said he’s working late again. You know that man; never a moment of rest.”
Quinn tried to advert her eyes from the tumbler, she knew it was obvious what she was looking at. Disgust washed over her.
“Wipe that superior look off your face young lady,” Her mother snapped.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes you do. I always see that look in your eye like you are better than me, because you don’t drink. One day you will.”
“No I won’t. I don’t need that shit…”
“Language,” Her mom stated.
“…To solve my problems,” The bitterness and resentment was overwhelming in Quinn’s tone.
“I said the same thing to my mother,” She dropped the level of her voice and Quinn had to strain to hear the last part of her sentence, “And look at me now.”
Quinn heard a car pull up the driveway. “Anne’s here.” She rushed to leave the room. Her mom’s statement caused a cold numbness to penetrate her heart.
“Why don’t we do something tonight instead? Tell her you didn’t realize you had to help me rearrange the living room.”
“I can’t. I think we’re going out.”
“Somewhere,” Anywhere but here, Quinn thought.
Quinn opened the door as Anne was about to knock. “Let’s go.”
“Please,” Quinn looked at her girlfriend and saw the concern in her eyes.
As Quinn opened the door of the car she noticed her mother standing on the steps. “Come back inside, Quinn.” Quinn hadn’t noticed the slight slur in her mother’s voice until that moment.
“I’ve already made plans.”
“I have to.” She closed her door and turned to Anne, “Go, please.”
Quinn told Anne it would be fine. She told Anne her mom wouldn’t punish her for leaving, and that she understood even if she didn’t act like she did.
Anne pulled off to the side of the road and turned to Quinn. “Are you going to tell me what happened back there?”
“You haven’t said a word since we left your house and you’re doing that sulking thing.”
Quinn shook her head and peered out the window.
The silence hung heavily around them. Quinn closed her eyes and focused on the sound of her own breathing. She attempted to forget the indelible words her mom had dared to utter. Quinn needed to erase the anger that was flashing in white hot streaks before her eyes. She knew it was essential to let go of the reservations she had about who she would become. It was so easy to slip into the pattern, but she couldn’t: she wouldn’t allow herself to.
“I bet she just wants the best for you,” Anne said quietly, however, Quinn could hear the strain in her words.
“I know she does, and I know she loves me. It’s just, I don’t know, it’s hard to explain.”
Quinn opened her mouth, attempting to force the words out, but nothing happened. She didn’t know how long she sat with her thoughts racing before she tried again.
“It’s like she needs me. I don’t know if she would make it without me. My dad’s never home and she gets so lonely. I feel bad for her, but at the same time she is pushing me to do all these things that aren’t me. She has my whole future planned out. What happens when I’m not there anymore?”
“I’m her best friend. What’s she going to do when I leave for college? She’s my mother; I’m supposed to be there for her.”
“Wrong,” Anne snapped. The anger in her tone was overwhelming. “You’re her daughter and she is supposed to be there for you. She can’t use you as a crutch and you can’t let her hold you back. She needs to figure herself out just as much as you need to figure yourself out.”
“No, no excuses,” Anne interrupted. “I can’t stand what she does to you, Quinn. It’s not fair. It’s too much pressure. I don’t care if she’s your mom; she doesn’t have the right to do this to you.”
“I know,” Quinn stated after a few minutes had passed.
“Do you?” Anne took Quinn’s hand and laced their fingers together.
Quinn nodded, “Yeah, I do.”
The car again became silent. Quinn waited for what would come next. She knew it wasn’t over as the unspoken words pushed down on her shoulders and stole her breath. Quinn knew what they needed to talk about. They had needed to talk about it for months, but neither girl could force themselves to form the words that would give life to the to the unwanted possibilities.
“I applied to the college we talked about,” Quinn said.
“What will happen to us?” Anne asked. The hesitance behind her question floated between them before wrapping around their joined hands causing fingers to tighten their grip.
“Well you applied too, right? So we have nothing to worry about.” Quinn could sense the uncertainty in her tone and the need to convince not only Anne, but herself, that her statement was true.
“Yeah, but what if one of us isn’t accepted?”
“Why wouldn’t we be accepted?”
“My grades aren’t as good as yours, Quinn. And what if that means I can’t afford it, because I can’t get enough financial aid?”
“I don’t know,” Quinn said shrugging. “I guess we will figure it out if that ends up happening.”
“I don’t want to lose you,” Anne stated in a whisper.
Anne sighed. “Does she know?”
“No.” Quinn felt complied to add, “And that’s the way it should be.”
Quinn closed her eyes and smiled. She felt the weight lift off her chest, it was only for a moment, but that was long enough for Quinn to take her first real breath.
Quinn watches the powerful wings beneath her catch the current; beating randomly as they soar through the sky. She beams and holds out her arms. The sensation of the wind rushing against her skin fills her with adrenaline.
Rapidly the sky darkens and the rain comes. Thunder clashes and lightning flashes around Quinn and her companion. They dart toward the ground for protection; however the wings have become slippery and Quinn can’t keep her grip. She finds herself plummeting toward a pool of black. She realizes she is oddly calm as she falls from the sky.
When she reaches the black surface she bursts through the barrier to the other side.
Quinn is now standing in the middle of a road. Looking around she notices that all of the aspects of nature in the city: the trees, the small animals, the grass, and plants are different shades of orange; while, the buildings and cars are dark blue. She moves to the sidewalk as her eyes dart to each towering building and in the direction of each new sound.
“Quinn,” How could anyone know my name? She wonders, I’ve never been here before. She turns around and is greeted by a man with a kind smile. “Are you ready?”
“Quinn, can you hear me?” Her eyes snap open and focus on her mother. She nods as she fights back the urge to cry due to confusion. Her skin is clammy and she can feel her limbs shaking even though she is sitting.
“Here kid,” The tattoo artist says.
Quinn breathes deeply as she takes the Coke and lollipop the tattoo artist is handing her.
“This should make you feel better. Are you all right?” The genuine concern in his voice is evident.
“Yeah. Sorry about that.”
“It happens more often than you would think. Your adrenaline probably crashed.” Quinn nods to acknowledge she is listening as she holds the Coke to her mouth as if it were fluids from an IV. “A similar thing happened to me the first couple times I got a tattoo.”
“Really?” Quinn asks as she smiles weakly.
He nods. “Let me know when you’re ready.”
“Quinn, you can’t possibly continue this nonsense. You just passed out! You obviously can’t handle this. How about I pay for you and then we can go back to the campsite?”
“This isn’t something I can do half way,” She smiles at the man sitting behind her, “I’m ready.”
Quinn grasped the envelope in her hand as butterflies fluttered in her stomach. She quietly moved through the house hoping not to attract her mother’s attention. Successfully she slipped into her room and closed the door.
With shaky hands Quinn scanned the letter and giggled. I got in, Quinn stated to herself, I got in! Pulling out her cellphone she sent Anne a quick text informing her of the good news. The door clicked open and Quinn scrambled to hide the letter behind her back as her mom came into the room with a basket of laundry.
“Quinn! I didn’t realize you were here.”
“Could you grab the mail for me?” Her mother asked while she crossed the room. She started to pull Quinn’s clothes out of the basket and place them on her bed. Quinn quickly pivoted to hide the letter in her hand.
“No,” Quinn heard the slight quiver in her voice and how it had slightly raised as she replied.
“Are you all right sweetie?”
“Fine. I have a lot on my mind. That’s all.”
“No, it’s just homework stuff. I’m trying to figure out how to get everything done,” Quinn explained. She hoped her mother wouldn’t pick up on her lie.
“What’s what?” Quinn parried as she attempted to stifle the animal slamming its cage around in her stomach.
“You have something behind your back.”
“Stop this nonsense. Let me see.”
Sighing Quinn handed her mother the letter and waited for the repercussions. The smile was wiped from her mother’s face as her eyes moved further down the paper.
“What’s this? This isn’t a school we agreed on.”
“You mean it’s not a college you forced me to apply to.”
“Did you ever consider that I don’t want to go to the schools you made me apply to?”
“This isn’t part of the plan, Quinn.”
“You mean this isn’t part of your plan. Have you ever noticed that I show no interest in business management or science? Have you ever come to one of my art shows? Because I’m a decent artist, and more importantly, I love art. It’s what I want to do.”
“What about your future? There’s no future in the arts.”
“My future? It doesn’t really seem like I have one at the moment, but you sure do.”
“When will you finally get I can’t be who you want me to be?” Quinn said in a defeated tone. “It’s not who I am.”
“Does your father know about this?”
“And how does he feel about it?”
“He said if it’s what I want he will support me. I wish you would give the idea a chance,” Quinn rushed on not allowing her mother to say anything when she opened her mouth. “We could look at the information together. I even know someone else who’s applied there. Remember my girlfriend, Anne?” Quinn’s eyes widened as she realized what she had just done.
She knew what was coming before the words crossed through the border of her mother’s lips.
“Your girlfriend? That’s why you want to go to this school.”
“You’re doing this because of some silly dream that you and this girl will be together forever, aren’t you? I thought you were smarter than that, Quinn. Well let me be the first to tell you, sweetie, that you’re sadly mistaken. Life doesn’t work out that way. It’s not a fairytale; you need to focus on your future and not this teenage fling that…”
“STOP!” Quinn roared. “Just stop. This has nothing to do with Anne. I has to do with me, and if you think otherwise you are the one that is sadly mistaken.”
“This is ridiculous.” Her mother said cautiously.
“No, it’s not. It’s what I’m choosing to do with my life.”
“There’s no future in the…”
“Arts? I know. You’ve already said that.” Quinn stated weakly.
“Will you at least consider the other schools you’ve applied to? Who knows? Maybe you’ll like them, and if not you could transfer or change your major. You and Anne could do a long distance thing. I can’t imagine her parents are thrilled about this either.”
“Does it have to be the University of Edinburgh?” The desperation in her mother’s tone was clear. “Scotland is so far away.”
Quinn set her jaw, “I need to do this.”
“You’re done. Why don’t you check it out in the mirror before I cover it,” the tattoo artist says.
Quinn glances at her mother who has been scowling in the corner since she refused to leave earlier. She turns so her tattoo is facing her mom, “What do you think?”
“I think it’s a choice you shouldn’t be allowed to make yet. It’s permanent and you’re too young.”
“You didn’t have to come if this is such an issue for you,” She notices the anger creeping into her voice.
“Someone needed to be here for you.”
“I know.” Quinn looks her mother directly in the eye, “Thank you.”
Moving over to the mirror Quinn looks over her shoulder at her new tattoo. What she sees causes her to smile so widely it hurts. It’s perfect, Quinn thinks as she stares at the birds flying across her back.
