The Asymmetry of Suffering: Why My Empathy Leans Heavily Towards Pheem
A question I keep turning over:Â âHow can you feel more for Pheem than for Than in their lowest moments?â
The answer is in the foundation. Itâs in what each of them carried into the fight, and whatâor whoâwas there to catch them when they fell.
Letâs talk about Thanâs foundation:
An ex-cop from a stable, loving, middle-class family.
Parents who supported his career choices unconditionally, stood by him after he was framed and fired, and never blamed him for his losses.
A protective circle of friends who confronted his enemies and consoled his grief.
When Pheem âdied,â Than was held, heard, and healed by people who loved him.
His relationship with Pheem began with mutual utility (Pheemâs revenge, Thanâs need for vindication).
When it shattered, he had a soft place to land. When Pheem returned, his âhappy endingâ was handed to him.
Now, letâs talk about Pheemâs foundation:
At 5 or 6, he witnessed his mother run over and killed by his fatherâs wife, while injured himself.
Taken into his fatherâs house only to be tortured and abused by his stepmother and half-siblingsâuntil he was exiled abroad for his own safety.
15 years of isolation overseas, no family, his first ârelationshipâ a transactional arrangement.
Returns for revenge, meets Than, and later discovers Than was his childhood savior. This sparks a real, desperate attachmentâhis first taste of unconditional care.
His unraveling is visceral: drugged, collapsing, sobbing âno one loves me, no one cares.â
Than becomes his first real love, then becomes his greatest source of abandonment.
Disowned by his last living relative (his aunt) and after accidentally shooting Than, heâs given an ultimatum by his abusive father:Â kill Than or be disowned.
He stages Thanâs âdeathâ to save him, only to be met with colder rejection.
Kidnapped, ready to die, saved, then abandoned with the words:Â âIf I saw you dying, I wouldnât save you.â*
Through the final confrontations, he is shatteredâphysically, emotionally, spiritually.
He enters the aftermath with no parents, no friends, no support system.
He gives Than his inheritance, the evidence, a marriageâeverything.
And the most telling detail:
Even his âreturnâ and âhappy endingâ with Than werenât accidents. Pheem planned his own faked death, disappeared, and spent months in total solitude physically and emotionally reconstructing himselfâjust so he could re-enter Thanâs life. His happiness wasnât a gift from the narrative; it was one more tactical objective in a lifetime of survival, achieved without a single soul to support him.
Because Thanâs suffering happened within a safety net.
Pheemâs suffering happened in freefall.
One had a home to return to.
The other never had a home at allâand the âhappy endingâ he won was built, alone, brick by brick, as his final act of devotion to the person who left him behind.