#thewholecrew

octavia had long forgotten what comfortable felt like. every position last five minutes, sometimes less before one of the twins lodged a foot beneath her ribs or settled heavy enough against her spine to make breathing feel like work. left side, right side, propped up with pillows— none of it seemed to matter. her body had become a negotiation she never seemed to win. with a tired sigh, she carefully pushed herself upright, waiting for the inevitable rustling of sheets beside her.

frozen as she waited, octavia felt a sense of relief when grant didn't appear to immediately wake with her. his breathing remaining slow and even. with his leave coming up from the fire house, she knew he had been working every moment he could leading up to it. between work, the homestead and abby, he was still as busy as ever. octavia eased herself off the bed, one hand instantly supporting the underside of her stomach as bare feet crept out into the hallway. the house was thick with silence. a silence that only existed sometime after midnight with moonlight spilling through the curtains octavia and kassy had spent far too long deciding on.

quietly, octavia peeked inside her daughter's bedroom, listening a moment for her sleepy sounds before slowly closing the door. checking on abigail to hear her sleepy stirs had become routine throughout octavia's sleepless nights and in the end, she always wound up in the twins' nursery. the last six years of watching abby grow into her sweet personality and become this little person has been nothing short magical. every day, octavia's amazed by her little girl. it left her wondering, who would their twins be?

standing at the window in their nursery, octavia felt grant's presence before she heard him, his arms snaking around her. "i couldn't get comfortable," she explained as if he didn't already know when he leaned down into her. let me, he asked against her ear. "mmhm," she murmured, nodding her head as his hands gently lifted her stomach. not much, just enough to ease the strain as octavia felt an immediate sense of relief rush through her spine. "oh," slipped past her lips as she leaned back against her husband, letting him carry their twins for a moment. steadily, she breathed, wondering about the two little ones growing every day inside of her. "i get scared...when i try to imagine them here," octavia whispered her admittance, leaning just a little bit more into grant.

by the time octavia had begun to pack up the truck, nick's voice pestered her. arguing. bartering. begging. pleading with her that they had to stay. every time she entered the motel to grab another thing, he was right up from his spot by the window, shaking his head as his healing fingers flexed to urge her to just fucking stop!! "you saw him! we can't fucking leave him out here like that octavia, we have to bring him home." nicklas argued, hues wide with disbelief that after one fucking meeting she's willing to throw in the towel. abandon ship entirely.

with a false mask of calm, octavia continued to pack, desperately trying to shove her heartbreak and all of nicklas' arguments down because she has to go home. she needs bellamy. and kassy. and the life that was waiting for her to live back home. "he doesn't want us, nick." she expressed, her shoulders slumped with the agonizing weight of what this trip has done. her lip shakes with vulnerability, but octavia continued as nick went back to the window.

"grant doesn't know what he wants..." nicklas muttered to himself, fixing his gaze back out the window. come on grant, he thought, anxiously waiting while octavia seemed to give up.

another hour drags by before octavia finally embarks back to the motel room, determined but terrified to begin this battle with nick. she couldn't leave him here. she wouldn't. but there were only so many emotions she could handle before exploding. emerald hues glistened as she took in her brother's defeated form, his furrowed brow and the heartache on his face. "it's time to go nick," she started gently, her muscles tensing as she awaited nick's inevitable blow back. "we waited long enough." octavia said with a finality. grant wasn't coming. it was time to accept that so they could go back home to the family that needed them.

"i'm not leaving him, octavia." nick said, and with a heavy sigh, octavia moved toward him, reaching a hand to touch at his arm. "we have to...we have to go home, nick." the way he tears his arm away from her, turning his outraged glare on her, octavia shook her head. "i'm not doing this with you." she shot back at him, grabbing the keys off the table before she turned, storming out of the motel room to sit in the truck until he came to his senses.

instead, nick follows right on her heels, "why don't you want to stay!? you spent months fuckin' fighting me over the guy, and now you're just gonna walk away? it's that easy for you to just wash your hands of him and pretend he isn't killing himself every day he's with that bastard!?" nick shouted, berating as he struggled to understand how she was so easily ready to return home. he's seen her fight her whole damn life. fight everyone and every damn thing. "where the hell is the fight in you! this is not you, o, you know that he needs us. we have to stay octavia, please, we have to stay for grant!"

all of his words penetrate the cracks in her foundation, her body vibrating with the untapped fight nick was talking about. heartache. betrayal. love. agony. all of her emotions hit the tipping point inside her, boiling over so that instead of climbing in the truck, she lets out a scream as she slams the door closed. at first it's the frustration. the anger. all of it directed at nicklas because he fucking forced her out here and now he was judging her? but the force of all heartbreak melded into her scream, reaching new heights as nick's tortured body, the dead agent, and grant rapidly flashed in her mind. octavia screamed until finally there was nothing left but a quivering breath.

hurt stares back at nicklas as octavia turned to face him. "i am done! i'm done doing this with you nick! you think this is easy for me? do you think this doesn't kill me, fucking ruin me to know there is NOTHING i can do that is going to bring grant home, that he is out there right now and yet to me it's like he died? you have a second chance to do whatever you want with your life nick, to do anything and i-....you...you out of everyone should understand, should KNOW what this is like for me." octavia gritted out, trying to contain herself or else she might end up just a puddle on the floor.

"you think that whatever you feel in your heart that i don't also feel it in mine?! he was my home, nicklas." octavia expressed with a sadness she couldn't shake. the deep heartbreak shattering into tiny shards as it spread throughout her. it was hard enough to let grant walk away from her. to stand in her dorm room, knowing despite her pleas and anguish and the love she thought they shared, he still walked away. leaving her like he promised he never would again. but to face him again, seeing him become this void of the person she'd known and loved stand before her ruined her. tarnished their memories together because since they've left the warehouse all she can visualize is how he held his gun between them. how venomous he glared toward them. how loud his gun had been in the closed space as he shot at their feet.

"octavia...."

as her shoulders rolled back, octavia sucked in all the devastation, leaving only the gentle shine from a few fallen tears as evidence against her cheeks. this had gone on long enough for her. had gone too far and now, there was no other choice but to abandon hope. her head shook, "get in the car, nick." her sentence ends as the driver door slams shut, leaving her brother no room to argue with her outside. her hands tightened on the steering wheel, gripping harder to feel the sharp sting of the open crescent moons against her palms. "i'm going home," she told her brother as her distant gaze remained forward once he climbed into the passenger side beside her. "i'm going home and i am going to stay there. you should to." with her final warning, fingers twisted the key, quickly pulling out of the gravol parking lot to leave this forsaken town.

these events are not his style. so far from it that kassy had to pull clothes for him. dress him like her perfect doll so that he didn’t look so out of place at a fancy ball such as this. the undercity doesn’t have stuff like this that it amazes him, though hardly surprises him that this gala is packed with people. all in elegant clothes with expensive glasses of alcohol carted around by waiters. the moment he walks in with kassy’s arm wrapped around his, he feels like a fish out of water. hues quickly scan over the sea of people to find every exit he can. but despite the tightness in his chest, it’s worth it to see how happy it made kassy for him to accompany her. plus, there’s no downside to watching octavia and grant also dressed up in expensive clothing. how dashing the two look. how delicious. his head shakes at the last thought that bubbles in his mind, echoing kassy’s voice as he moves wherever kassy wanders.

the four of them have been here for hours, dancing and enjoying themselves while nicklas indulged in all the free alcohol. everytime he seemed to finish a drink, like magic another waiter approached with full tray. it couldn’t be his fault how hot his body felt, or how dark desire filled hues continue to wander the girls and grant. if they didn’t want people to fill up on alcohol, then they needed a better system he thought to himself, watching grant cross the room toward him and kassy with octavia on his arm. typically, he’d be watching the small minx beside him. thinking of ways to push her buttons and rile her up. but tonight, as he tilted another glass to his lips, he couldn’t stop himself from staring at grant. from all the times the men have shared a moment with kassy that continue to float around in his mind, replaying on a constant loop.

“im going to get some air,” nick explained, unwrapping his arm from around kassy as grant expressed his desire to also step outside of the gala. despite how his insides tense and screamed at the offer, a smirk easily played on his lips as nick turned to the girls. “don’t have too much fun without us,” he winked before disappearing through the crowd with grant until he found an opening. before escaping through it, nick quickly grabbed himself another two glasses of champagne, nudging his head toward the opening for grant to follow. finally, for a single moment it felt like nick could fully breathe as the two men stepped out onto a balcony. just the two of them without a sea of people surrounding. “damn what a party,” nick huffed, offering grant the other glass before entirely downing his. “i dunno what i expected but that,” nick glanced back through the curtains before he shuddered a little, overwhelmed by it all as he flattened his hands against the cool railing. bit much? grant had asked him which had nick chuckling to himself.

“it isn’t for you?” he asked, turning to face grant as he leaned against the railing, studying the curve of grant’s smile as it tugged on his lips, explaining how he’s had decades more practice than nick had. lightly, nick scoffed, “right, ya’ll know the ins and outs of these places,” he muttered, dark hues idling wandering grant, studying him in ways he’s never openly done before. only ever stealing small glances during heated moments between grant and the girls. but with his liquid courage, all these jumbled feelings he’s suppressed seem to flutter inside of him. little thoughts of what if? what if he just leaned in right now? what would grant do? how would he react if nick flattened him against the stone wall and kissed him until their heads were dizzy? all the thoughts linger and twist in his mind with the alcohol and his feelings until he no longer has a sense of control over his own body. instead of any thoughts, nick acts, stepping closer to grant as blue hues shift to grant’s gaze, flickering between his mouth and golden hues. nick leans in, though a part of him resists the temptation. the fiery urge as he straightens himself with a nervous laugh.

you a little drunk? with grant’s inquisitive lift of his brow, nick’s grin grew mischievous. to hell with his reservations, or his father’s disgusted voice in the back of his mind. “oh yeah, but lucky for you, i can be a nice drunk,” he placated with a devilish glint flashing in his gaze as he once again leaned just the slightest bit closer to grant. “im going to kiss you.” nick announced, unable to take back the urge or suppress the action now that he’s said it out loud. though nick sees no unwillingness, he doesn’t wait long for grant’s protest. instead he steps toward the man, lifting his hand to grasp grant’s jaw in his hand. the second he does, it feels like an electric spark explodes in his veins, fanning the flame of his desire as he directed grant just a touch closer to him before his lips crash against the other. it’s meant to be slow. gentle and soft. but as nick’s lips touched grant, his entire body ignites and his kiss turns nearly ravenous as he steps into grant, walking the other back until his back gently connected with the outside brick.

despite an itch to join kassy as nicklas listened to the spray of the shower in the master bath, his stitches were to be kept clean but not douse. for now. instead, nick sat in the same sweat pants he'd come home from the hospital in earlier that day. the same soft buttoned shirt that had the least chance of irritating his healing wounds and bandages. beneath the morphine nick could hardly feel his injuries in the hospital. & after spending the last few days in that hospital bed, in one of their crappy gowns, it never occurred to him the struggle he'd have now in the healing process. while he's endured his fare share of abuse at his father's hands, he's never been handicapped so completely before. making him agonizingly helpless as his hues glazed over while he mindlessly stared out his wall of windows. there's nothing he can do. he can't help grant. can't murder garrett. can't even fucking help himself.

the torment slips into his crystal hues in spite of the soft lazy smile that pulls at his lips when kassy finally exits the bathroom, filling the bedroom with her jasmine scents. his bandaged hands rest against the arm of the chair as he watches her ready herself for bed before he forces his weak legs to rise. he's a little wobbly on his feet, but he curses the meds for that as nick did his best to casually shrug out of his soft shirt. though, it's tricky and tugs at the healing burns on his chest as his shoulders rotate.

"hey sweetheart," nick murmured as he watched kassy approach him with a slight look of alarm flashing across her face before she fixed herself into that strong calm force she's been trying to be since he woke up in the hospital. let me help you, she offered softly, gently removing his shirt that had slid half way down his arms while he grimaced. "kass, you don't gotta..." her little tut of her lips silences the rest of his sentence. his jaw tightened, but there's this vulnerability they share between each other, having taken care of each other in some of the worst moments. there's an ache inside of him that hates every second of this. loathes himself for being helpless, even when kassy never makes him feel as if he's the burden. he didn't do this to himself she's already reminded him a dozen times.

"thank you," nick said gratefully, prepared to head to his side of the bed to crawl into bed in his joggers but instead the muscles of his stomach flex as acrylic nails gently rake his skin above his waistband. crystal hues flicker to her face, "ka—". i want to help you, kassy told him firmly as crystal hues followed her as she lowered herself in front of him, gently tugging his sweat pants down with her. let me do this for you. a lump built in his throat but he offered a short nod of his head as he watched her take care of him while he cautiously stepped out of his sweatpants one foot after the other.

the club's atmosphere thrummed through octavia's veins. every base drop, every flicker of the neon lights that flooded the dance floor fuel her reckless freedom. with a night off from school, work and mom, she's exactly where she wants to be. giving into the thrill of the music she swears she can feel pulsing inside of her as she dances, loving the way she always feels. powerful, wild, and completely in control of nothing but her own wild spirit.

glossy emerald hues catch grant's gaze from the shadows, her gaze lighting with mischief. they didn't come together, but she's not surprised to find him here when she oh so casually mentioned going dancing on her night off. his jaw was clenched tight, eyes dark with something she eagerly relished—jealously, heartbreak, obsession. this was one of her favorite games with him. she loved the control she had over him, the rush of knowing she could shatter him or keep him hanging on her every move.

but he's a little too late. octavia's already been here for hours it seems. dozens of drinks downed. shots. a few lines in the bathroom. and, she's found herself someone to dance with. octavia spun with a tall, charismatic man, her body flowing freely to the music. her head tilted back, hair spilling around her shoulders as the tequila made her head fuzzy, intoxicated with all the drinks and the thrill of this moment. when the tall stranger spun her, her back pressed against him, hips grinding deliberately as her eyes once again found grant's through the crowd. her heart fluttered with a wicked thrill. eyes sparkling as she caught his stare, daring him silently.

"k-kassy." nick can't help the way he stutters her name as it mixes with another uncontrollable groan, his head tilting back against the sofa cushion when she grinds down against him, driving him crazy in all the best ways. the friction of her clothed against him, a stark contrast to the single bit of fabric he wore beneath her. a sharp hiss left him, his dazy gaze snapping back toward kassy as her nails left blossoming marks along his stomach. every sense outside of kassy is shot. long gone by now as his palms smooth up and down her thighs to ground himself.

"baby," nick pleads as her taunting game returns and the rhythm against him slows, dragging the release out longer as his muscles flex beneath her. his hands slowly venture up her back, sliding against her shirt while his desperate gaze met hers. the moment they meet love and yearning swirl with his desire, a breathy smile forming on his lips as they hovered close together. he sat with her, panting while staring completely in awe of her. in a little disbelief that he's here again with her. "i want..." you don't have to say it, i can feel what you want.

a chuckle rumbled in his chest, his hands flexing against her back before he moved to the front of her shirt, toying with the top hem as his other settled back on her hip. "mmm, yeah, oh i want that to..." he sighed happily, running his fingers back and forth against her with his pleading gaze refusing to leave her. teeth graze his lower lip, "i want to kiss you," he slowly moved his fingers from the hem of her shirt to brush against her collarbone, "here," nick murmured, leaning closer with his eyes still gazing up at kassy. his fingers brushed her skin higher toward the crook of her neck, "here." his tongue slid against his lip, "please."

octavia sat at the end of the kitchen island, content to continue working silently while nick paced continuously on a loop between watching tv in the living room and disappearing to the garage to smoke. each time he huffed, pulling himself from the couch, octavia carefully watched him over top her laptop. sometimes he'd simply pace, stop at the window and stare before coming over to make idle conversation with grant while he made a list for some groceries. more often, he approached one of them to double check that he wasn't smoking anything he had personally rolled before disappearing out to the garage. "has he been doing that a lot today?" octavia finally asked grant after nick stepped out again. while grant mentioned it was no more than usual, and that he was following her rules she reminded grant of each time she left the house, octavia closed her laptop. "gimme a second," she muttered curiously, getting up to wander down to nick's master suite.

at first glance, nothing seems to spark her further attention, though as she went into his bathroom, slowing opening drawers as she casually checked, octavia wasn't even really sure what she was looking for. it's not like he's doing anything unusual. nick's been okay. testy at times, but for a man who's been cut off his drug of choice, for nick to be regulated this way, she's honestly been bracing for worse. her head shakes as green hues lift to his bathroom mirror. maybe she's a little too blinded by her history to separate his from hers, but still, she felt skeptical as she left his bedroom.

octavia offered a silent shrug as she passed grant in the kitchen on his way out, taking her seat again as she waited for nick to return. when he did, he seemed to float a little passed her completely. "grant's going to make dinner when he's back if you're hungry," octavia offered nick, but he skated passed, "nah, i'm good," he said dismissively before flopping himself down on the couch. as he did, octavia sat a little straighter, glancing over to the living room as she watched nick scan through the guide on the tv screen. after a few moments, she let out a soft breath. he seems fine, she told herself as fingers lifted to open her laptop.

he really did, until she noticed the tv switch into standby. the painting that takes its place courtesy of a clever design choice by her best friend displays itself as emerald hues narrowed, "nick?" she called over to him, but without a response, her heart sped as she got to her feet. "hey nick..." she tried once more as he seemed to startle, jolting awake with the remote still in his hand. "what, what're you, what're we," nick stumbled over his words a little slowly before he sat himself up, "you gonna watch with me?" he finally spat out.

hues narrowed as her jaw clenched tightly, offering him a tight lipped smile, "mhm," she agreed as alarm bells started sounded off in her head. they've been here two full days by now. a whole forty-eight hours and...he's not nearly as sick as she's been. sure, he's bigger. people react differently but. suspiciously, she slowly walked along the kitchen island, hues flickering back to nick as he seemed to nod off a little again as the tv started another cartoon. no. he's not nearly as sick as someone should be coming off all the crap she had sprawled out in his office.

instead of joining him at the couch, octavia quickly set off toward the garage. he's got something. he has to!! grant's had the bottle of meds they've given nick to help ease him off, but none of the doses she's allowed would keep him this even. he has to have fucking something. of course he does, of fucking course he does, she curses herself as she stormed into his garage. hues quickly scan, shifting over his work space, his workout equipment, the cabinets, the car. she should've done more checks. should've looked harder. she should've done more to keep nick safe from him damn self!!

she moves to his sitting area, frantly looking over the ash tray that's filled with cigarette butt when the garage door is yanked open. "the fuck're you doing out here?!" nick asked, his calm centered mood ruined by his sister's fucking invasion. does she have to be everywhere? "can i not have one fucking place in MY OWN HOUSE that i can have a little privacy?" he demanded an answer, sharp hues focused on her as she stood there, shaking her head, scanning past him like he's not even fucking there.

finally, hues snap to nick as he stormed into the garage, wandering himself into the centre. "where is it, nick?" she asked in disbelief. in her active addiction, she's done a lot of things. a lot. but never has she faked it through a process like this. it breaks her heart to see him this way but as she really takes him in, she can't help but shake her head. "you're going to run out...whatever it is," she told him, watching as crystal hues ever so slightly drifted to the side.

the car...instantly, her hues followed his and octavia moved forward, rushing toward nick as he turned back toward the old car he had out from beneath the usual white sheet. "stop! octavia stop, you don't know what're you're talking about!" he furiously shouted, reaching out to wrap his hand around her wrist, to drag her back away from his hidden stash. "im trying to help you!" she yelled back, hitting at his arms as she kept trying to move forward. "no one asked for it!" nicklas! what on earth did i just walk into? she heard grant's voice but focused on the car, on tearing from nick as his grip loosened at grants voice. he had something, he has something!!

nick’s gaze turned toward grant, his body vibrating before dark hues flashed back to his sister, her hand coiled around the door handle. seeing her so close to his stash, every thought about her or grant, or himself fly out the window. suddenly, all he sees is a threat. to himself. to his habit. his need. “fuck octavia!” his tone quickly shifts to outrage as he towers over her, using his body to try to shove her out of the way as his other hand reached around to forcefully remove her hand. but the more he tries to force her, the tighter she holds as they struggle. when her elbow lands in his stomach, he groans, releasing her, “you’re being fuckin’ crazy!” nick expressed.

“am i!?” octavia shouted with her back turned on him, finally pulling open the front door to the car. instantly, she rushes to dash inside the car but nick reacts, shoving her into the car door before she can get inside, fighting to keep her out. despite her training, octavia doesn’t want to hurt her brother, nor fight with him. but it isn’t until grant intervenes to pull nick back away that octavia gets free without fighting against nick.

wildly, nick turns on grant, throwing fists and his body because o can’t get inside! as octavia dove into the car, he launches forward to keep the door open while she tries to close it on him. o struggles with the door, but nick roughly grabs her jeans, reefing on her leg to drag her out. octavia kicks, shouting at nick to stop while grant gets ahold of him again, forcing nicks arms back like he’d done in the bathroom. as much as she hates it, octavia takes her chance, pulling the door closed before locking the two men out.

“get the fuck outta there octavia! you’re such a fucking bitch this is none of your business, you don’t know anything! DONT FUCKING TOUCH ANYTHING!” nick shouted his demands outside the car, thrashing against grant even as he’s locked out of the car.