#thethroamnetwork

so i need a new url but ren u changed it like a month ago dont change it again SHUSH and what better way to get yall to give me ur opinions other than blogrates

RULES: 

mbf this ugly rat  reblog this post vote for which url i should choose here and send me what you chose!

format under the cut

 url: /10 icon: /10 mobile theme: /10 desktop theme: /10 posts: /10 overall: /10 am i following?: no, sorry! | i am now | i always have been what kind of rat do u think i am

Hi! Yes, yes, I’m really always taking requests if anyone has them. :) I did number 4 for this one. Hope this is okay! It turned out really sad. (prompt source)

The dayRyan got the call was the day everything went numb.

Helistened to his mother talk for hours that morning, not really focusing on herwords. He had enough of those floating around in his own head.

Ryan wason autopilot, picking up his guitar and notebook and heading to the Brendon’shouse to meet the guys for practice. Normally he’d be excited to spend timewith his friends and boyfriend again, but now he felt nothing.

“Hey!”Spencer was the first to greet him. “You look like shit, man.”

Ryannodded absently and set his stuff down before taking a seat on one of thecouches.

Jon wassitting across from him, smirking. “Didn’t get much sleep, huh?”

Ryanshrugged.

Brendoncame bounding down the stairs armed with juice boxes and they were ready tostart. Time felt static to Ryan, passing over him like the arms of a ghost.

“…Ryan?Dude, are you okay?”

Ryan shookhimself out of his daze, seeing Spencer standing in front of him. He haddropped his pick, and apparently had stopped playing out of nowhere.

“Yeah, I’mgood,” Ryan assured him.

Jonfrowned. “Did something happen?”

“Justtired,” Ryan mumbled, rubbing at his eyes. “It was just a long night, I guess.Dad died yesterday, so I was talking to my mother almost the entire night.”

The moodin the room shifted noticeably. Ryan had mentioned his father’s death the wayhe’d mention a broken television, and he only hoped that was nonchalant enough.His dad didn’t deserve more than that.

Spencerenveloped Ryan in a hug all the same. “Shit, Ry, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

Ryanpushed him off gently. “I’m fine, Spence, really. No big deal. One less thingto worry about, right?”

The guysall frowned, looking really uncomfortable from where Ryan was standing. Jonmumbled an excuse to go get food and went upstairs.

“Hey,Spencer,” Brendon started. “I think I left the lyrics in your car. Could you goget them?”

Spencernodded. Under normal circumstances he would have told Brendon to take care ofit himself, but he could read Brendon’s signals by now.

When theywere finally alone, Brendon led his boyfriend back to the couch where they bothsat down.

“Do youwant to talk?” The younger boy asked cautiously.

Ryanrolled his eyes. “Look, Bren, I’m really fine. He was a jerk, and he died.Drank himself to death. That’s all there is to it, alright?”

“You’reclearly hurting.” Brendon put an arm around Ryan. “Stop putting up a strongfront. It’s just me, baby. Talk to me.”

A tearescaped Ryan’s eye and rolled down his cheek. He sniffled and leaned intoBrendon’s touch.

“I don’tknow what to think, Bren.” Ryan’s voice cracked. “You know what my dad was like.I never got to know him, the real him, because he was always fucking drunk. Myfamily’s a fucking mess and now suddenly they all want me to take on all theseresponsibilities to make sure everything goes smoothly. It’s like I exist intheir eyes again because they need something from me.”

“I’m sosorry, Ry.”

“He neveronce said anything encouraging to me. You know that? Not once. He looked at meand saw a failure. I embarrassed him, Bren. Iembarrassed him.”

Brendonpulled Ryan to him, cradling his head against his chest. “It’s okay, shh. You’reallowed to grieve. He was still your father, Ryan. It’s okay.”

Ryan let himselfcry, gripping the material of Brendon’s shirt tightly in his hands as ifletting go would allow the singer to disappear as well. He wasn’t risking it.

“I hatehim,” Ryan sobbed.

“I know.”

“I misshim.”

“I know.”

I hope this is okay! (prompt source)

Ryan hasnever been a deep sleeper.

So whenhis doorbell rings in the middle of the night – morning? – he’s jolted out ofhis sleep immediately.

“Go away,”Ryan yells at no one in particular.

Thedoorbell rings again.

Groaning,Ryan pulls himself out of bed and opens the door. Brendon’s standing there inan oversized hoodie, smiling sheepishly at him.

“Hey.”

Ryanblinks. “Why are you at my doorstep at three in the morning?”

Brendonshrugs. “Didn’t realize you’d be asleep. Can I come in?”

Notwaiting for an answer, he pushes past Ryan and settles himself on the couch inthe living room.

“It’sthree in the morning,” Ryan repeats.

Brendonnods. “Yeah.”

Ryan flopsdown on the couch next to Brendon after shutting the door. He’s a littleconcerned now. Brendon’s usually a lot more talkative when he decides to walktwo doors down to Ryan’s place, and it’s usually never this late.

Ryanfrowns. “What’s going on, Bren?”

Brendonsighs, stretching his legs out over the armrest and placing his head in Ryan’slap. “I can’t sleep.”

“Nokidding,” Ryan mumbles. “What’s going through your head?”

Brendonpauses for a long while before speaking. “My family, I guess. They didn’t calltoday. They usually call on Sundays after church. I get why they’re probablydisappointed in me, but I thought that at least they’d miss me a little.”

Ryan runshis fingers through Brendon’s soft hair. “I’m sorry, Bren. I’m sure it’snothing that can’t be fixed. You’ve done nothing wrong, though, and you reallyshould get some sleep now, okay?”

Brendonhums in agreement.

Ryan playswith Brendon’s hair for what feels like hours until he hears the younger boy’sbreaths even out. He slowly lifts his head and stands up, placing his armsunder Brendon’s knees and shoulders to carry him gently up the stairs.

When they’rein Ryan’s bedroom, Ryan carefully lays Brendon on his bed, pulling the sheetsover both of them and curling up behind him.

“Thanks,”Brendon mumbles.

Ryanlaughs softly. “You were still awake and you made me carry you all the way upthe stairs?”

Brendonmoans contentedly and leans back into Ryan’s touch.

“You reallywould have made me walk?” He sounds offended.

Ryansmiles, placing a kiss on the back of Brendon’s neck where his hair curls inever so slightly.

“Of coursenot,” he assures him. “Go to sleep, Bren.”