There have been a lot of posts recently about being single.The opinions have been pretty split, some think being single is awesome, andothers think that being single sucks. Here is my take on the topic, both are correct. There is nothing wrong with being single, if that is what you want. In fact, being single can be fun. You have the freedom to do whatever or go wherever you want, without having to consider another personâs wants. However, singleness can cause feelings of loneliness and frankly, feeling lonely sucks!!!! Now, you may be asking me âWhat makes me so qualified on this subject?â (I have thought the same things when reading every post on the subject). So, how do I know? Â Well, here are my credentials. I am 28 years old. I have never had a real boyfriend, ever. Let that sink in for a minute. I would say that I am extremely qualified for this subject, because I understand. I understand having the stupid questions, comments, and advice you get from your family and friends who are in relationships. I understand the feelings of despair of being lonely. I understand the anxiety of whether or not you will ever find someone to love and that loves you back. I get it. Â So, I have compiled my own list of things everyone should know about being single.
1.      It is okay to be single.
I will say it again. There is nothing wrong with being single. Being single is not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you. Society tells us that we have to be in a relationship to feel complete. If you donât believe me, the next time you watch television, watch the commercials. I can promise you 80% of them will be something related to dating or finding that special someone (and it is not because it is February, the commercials last all year long). This can be extremely frustrating and leave you feeling like there is something wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you. Not everyone needs another person to validate themselves and that is awesome. But, if you are like me and dream about one day having a family of your own with the great husband/wife, children, and dog, this can be hard to accept. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship, but you are single right now for a reason, accept it and figure out what the reason is? Maybe you are not ready for a relationship, maybe, the person God has for you is not ready, whatever the reasoning, God is in control, and there is nothing wrong with you, because it is okay to be single.
2.      Being single can really suck
I know I just contradicted myself, but let me explain. There is a difference in being single and feeling single. Being single is a marital status. Feeling single on the other hand, means that you feel alone, and feeling lonely is awful. I know what it is like to be in a room full of people and still feel alone. It really sucks, but know there is nothing wrong with you. These feelings are normal. I think we as humans are wired to desire companionship. This is the point that people who have never felt the despair of being lonely will never understand. They will try, but unless you have experienced it personally, you will never understand. In these times, all I can do is turn to God and trust that he has something amazing planned.
3.      Being single is not your only definition
I am a 28 year old single, female, Christian. I am beautiful. I am a county employee and a psychology student. I like to laugh and have fun. Â I love music. I love spending time with my family. I love to meet new people. I love to try new things. I am adventurous. I am introverted and I get lost in my own head sometimes. I love kids. I love dogs. I have a burning desire to help people. I laugh so hard, I cry. I cry when I get mad. I lose my keys and phone on a daily basis. My favorite food is Mexican food. My favorite color is green, yellow, red, or blue (depending on the day and my mood). I could go on and on, about who I am, but I think you get the picture. Being single is just one of the many amazing and adorable pieces that makes me, who I am.
4.      Just because I am single, it does not mean I am desperate
This is probably one of the most frustrating things for me. Yes, I am single, NO, I do not need you to set me up with your significant otherâs best friendâs cousinâs brotherâs classmate. Thank you anyway. Seriously, dating is nerve wracking and awkward enough without being forced to go on a blind date (disclaimer, I am not an expert on dating, but I have been on a couple of dates). Instead of dating, maybe I have decided to wait and be patient (or attempt to be patience). If I wanted to go out on a date I could find someone to take me out. Trust me, like the creepy guy the other day at McDonalds, who offered to bring me lunch to my work place. Weird!!! Â The only time I want to be set up on a date is when I ask to be, end of story (this is highly unlikely).
5.      Every single person hates being drilled by family and friends who âmean wellâ
There will always be the questions, comments, and advice from family, friends, and acquaintances. For exampleâŚAny new men/women in your life? Youâre such a catch, I donât understand how you can still be single. Have you tried any of those dating websites? Youâre just too picky (because my being picky is a bad thing), and my personal favorite, youâre so lucky youâre single (really, if it is so great than why arenât you single). Any of those responses sound familiar. I hate the âcomfort/helpâ from others, because it does not help me feel any better. Telling me I am awesome is not helping the fact that I feel alone. I realize most mean well (and I love you for it) but it makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. So for those of you who are reading this and are not single, please stop trying to help. This does not help. It only makes your single loved ones feel bad. The only thing that we want from you is that you listen, that is it.
6.      Being single can cause Independence, and that is kind of awesome.
Letâs face it, if you are single you do not have a built-in date to attend weddings, parties, dinner, movies, etc. So you can do one of three things, the first, you cannot attend the event. Second, you can try to find someone to accompany you to said event. Thirdly, you can suck it up and go by yourself. I have been to plenty of activities without a date, because (a) it is silly to not go just because you are going by yourself (why would you punish yourself), and (b) finding a date to any event is stressful and is likely to cause a migraine. Going alone is not always easy, but no one ever said independence was easy. Just no you are not pathetic, because you show up somewhere without a date. I go out to eat and to movies by myself all the time. You should try it. It is kind of liberating. Being single forces you to stand on your own. I believe that when two people can stand on their own, it gives them the ability to a great couple.
7.      Jealousy is normal and it is ok, Kind of.
It is normal to feel jealous, especially if someone has what you want. It is okay to feel a tinge of jealousy. It is not okay to take that jealousy out on every couple you see. It is also not okay for you to let that jealousy overtake you. Most of my friends are married and are starting or have started a family. I am genuinely happy and excited for them and I love their little families (seriously, I spoil all the children, because I can). But, I want nothing more than to be a wife and mother, and I get jealous of what they have at times. I hate that I feel jealous of them, but it is how I feel and I cannot control my feelings. I can however control my attitude. Yes, I am jealous, but my situation is not their fault, so I should not take it out on them. It is my problem not their problem.
8.      Do not listen to society.
Being happily single goes against societal norms. Letâs face it, society treats you like a social leper, if you stay single for too long. Society will try to make sense of why you are single. Which might sound something like this, âMaybe, if you had a makeover/lost some weight/stopped playing sports/lowered your standards, you could find a boyfriend/girlfriendâ. Society wants you to change to make others more comfortable. To society, I have one thing to say, âSHUT UPâ. The problem is society not you. Instead of trying to conform to todayâs society, embrace your individuality. Be different, love yourself, and pave your own way. There is nothing wrong with being happily single. There is nothing wrong with you. You are your own person and that is perfect. Do not change who you are for anyone, if they do not like you for you then they are not worth your time.
9.      Just because you are single now, it does not mean you will always be single.
This is probably one of the hardest things to remember. There is always hope. I have faith that I am not going to be single forever. I am trusting that God has someone super special for me. I just have to be patient and trust in him (I am still working on the patience and trust). So, have faith because Godâs plan is way better than what you have planned, I promise.
10.  Being single does not mean you are alone.
This is the most important point. Yes, being single can cause you to feel all lonely, but you are not alone. I know that I have a ton of people that love me, from my closest friends to my nosy family (they mean well). In fact, my closest friend is the inspiration for this post. She has been my encourager for so long and I am eternally grateful. So, if you remember anything from this post, remember this you are not alone.
At the end of this post, the only thing I need you to know is that you are a beautiful human being. There is nothing wrong with being single and there is nothing wrong with you. Be yourself, love yourself, and enjoy yourself. God is in control and he has an amazing plan for your life. Trust him and have faith!!!
