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005.
There was a day that Isha had sat down with his mum asking her all sorts of questions about his dad. One day he randomly stopped her from cooking, looking up at her with the most innocent looking eyes, and asked her why his middle name was "Lorcan". He then learned that, not only was it because Lorcan meant a lot to her, but because of the smile he had given Lorcan when he was born.
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Isha knows how special Lorcan is to his mum. Not only because his middle name is Lorcan's first but because he knows that Lorcan was the only man in her life when he first entered this world. In a way that instantly made Lorcan one of his favorite. Isha likes that he can be mean to him and knowing that Lorcan wouldn't love him any less, plus he plays along and makes it fun.
Lorcan had stopped by for a visit, see how he was doing. Even though it had already been a month since they broke up and Danny was out on his own with some other guy Jared was still upset. Far more upset than ever. Jared and Roxanne had gotten better at not letting each other feel every emotion they had, most of the time he tried to make it when he was this upset because he didn't want her around to see him like this. Not again.
"So plans for tonight?" "I might just sit at home and cry. You?" Jared shrugged shaking his head. "I'll see you around, okay? Stay safe." The young Slytherin followed his friend to the door and opening it for him. He closed it behind Lorcan and turned away going to the kitchen.
~ ~ ~
Lorcan ended up going home to an empty house again. He was thankful for it now. After hearing the news Carmen had then visiting Jared to see how he was, he just wanted to be alone. His heart felt a lot heavier than before. He laid there on his bed staring up at the ceiling. Lorcan hadn't moved an inch since he got there. So many thoughts, so many questions. Alone, that's how he felt. The way Lucy distanced herself from him. His own wife not wanting to be with him. How his son was always out with his girlfriend, actually happy. He hadn't felt important to anyone in a while. Not even Carmen and now it was feeling that way with Jared.
~ ~ ~
He couldn't take it anymore. He'd gone without it for a month now. Refusing to go any longer he pulled open a drawer in the kitchen grabbing the sharpest knife there. Jacket sleeve was already pulled up above his elbow, so many scars up his arm. He wondered if anyone has ever noticed. Jared looked down at the blade the way it'd shine in the florescent light. Without another thought he brought it to his forearm pressing it hard against his skin and pulling quickly, a deep cut replacing where it had touched. He did it four more times moving down his arm each cut. Jared dropped the knife onto the counter and turned away closing his eyes tight. He wanted to scream but his voice was lost. Not once had he used the spell to heal them, Roxanne did that twice when she walked in after he did. The blood had frightened her. Maybe this is why his father didn't love him, because of what he did to himself. How he made himself feel so low over a boy, over a relationship that meant more to him than anything.
As if hypnotized by habit We have decided to live the routine Of keeping on sleeping in the same bed But the truth is that we are scared And without realising, we are competing To see who says the last word And we do not want to be honest And accept that nothing is left any longer That the dream of waking up Together every morning no longer exists And that the days are leaving us Having not looked at each others face In order to be able to pretend As if nothing is happening to us But it is not true The flame has gone out now The fire that used to burn The magic that used to envelop us has gone Our love has ended Just as if it was nothing And I used to love you so much. The flame has gone out now There are no longer even ashes. Our fire is extinguished. Everything is over now Everything is over now We do not have conversations now Nor play at talking to each other like children Nor laugh. We do not even embrace each other now There is no ‘good day’ Not even out of politeness We do not touch each other now Nor dream of getting old together Nor think about (things of) the future. It is as if we were living unhappily
And I want to tell you That I do not want to live this lie And that I deserve a true love Let's end the agony Of an uncomfortable silence every day. This is not your fault Nor mine either. What is the use of trying it? It would not work. Although we are together You and me no longer make good company for each other. Tell me when we last celebrated Christmas together In love, excited, passionate. Even at night Each of us sleeps on their side of the bed. How sad that the flame has gone out for us.
