#theoskars

An unforgettable 87th Oskars

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Hosts singer Dame Gu Gu and actor Tomas Drift opened the 87th Simcademy Awards with a charming skit referencing Dame Gu Gu’s childhood on a soy farm. Action man Drift descended onto the stage, proving to everyone that - yes - he really does do his own stunts! Traditionally taking inspiration from the year’s biggest and most notable films, the skit left the crowd initially confused, but then in awe of two titans at the top of their respective fields.

On with the evening...

To no one’s surprise, Camila Pauli picked up her 5th award of the season (Best Actress) for her role in the Selvadoradan musical drama that has taken the world by storm, Recuérdame, Selvadorada. In her speech she thanked the Watcher, her fans, her adoring father, director Bobby Bilbao and her singing coach Terèse Florèse, before she rounded off her acceptance speech with an 8-minute monologue from the film.

Having journeyed all the way from the Simtinent, Their Royal Highnesses the Crown Prince Germán and Crown Princess Barbie of Uspana accepted the award for Best International Feature Film for the magical realist tale, Where the Moon Rabbits Dance. Tragically, director Raimon Totjorn was unable to attend the ceremony following a skiing accident during a visit to the Felsenbourger resort of Hochhut. Too much Glühwein during the après-ski? Their Royal Highnesses spoke of their joy that part of their nation’s history would be known across the world thanks to this enchanting film.

A hush descended on the room and the tension in the air was palpable as two tall presidential glassfuls, Victór Pauli and Frederick Cronin, showed that Simerican-Selvadoradan relations have never been stronger. During their presentation of this year’s Lifetime Achievement Award, Pauli addressed the elephant in the room, quipping that he hoped his co-presenter Fred Cronin would continue to be diplomatic when his former almost-mother-in-law, Judith Ward, came onstage.

Del Sol royalty, Judith Ward, came onstage with style. Responding to Pauli and Cronin, she joked that even if her daughter couldn’t make a home in the White House, perhaps she might have better luck.

Ward’s acceptance speech was a tour de force of acting, where she presented scenes from her childhood in a Del Sol Valley trailer park, bringing many to tears. She thanked her late mother, whose frequent absence taught her many important lessons about acting, that the whole world was a stage, and that someone, somewhere was always watching you. She finished by thanking herself for her unwavering support and faith.

And to round off the evening, former DSPD detective Don Shaft also made an appearance (out of uniform)! Shaft has been gate-crashing Del Sol Valley’s most glamorous events for over a year now - since he was fired from the force for being a loose canon and not following anyone’s rules. 

As the crowds dispersed from the auditorium destined for a dozen different afterparties, and former Detective Shaft was led away to the station, we are forced to admit that, far from having no relevance anymore, this year’s Oskars have reminded us that celebrating wealthy and entitled artists has the power to enrich us all.