feeling abandoned
i know i shouldn’t feel this way but tears sprung to my eyes when he said he would be away next week. i felt upset that i only knew his plans so last minute like i didn’t matter. i know it’s probably not his intentions but it felt that way. that whatever it is, i am just too far away. i tried to remind him of happier times we had. of last year. but it didn’t evoke any response from him. he said he will try to talk if he can. after putting in so much effort to try to communicate with him, all i get is a “if” and “maybe”. i don’t know. i just feel underappreciated. and sad. and lonely. and to add salt to wounds, this is just a bad weekend to be alone. i didnt want to go for the trip as i feared it would make him upset but i think i shouldnt fear anything? because he doesn’t think of me when he does things too. why am i so afraid of hurting his feelings or making him upset? i mean i know why. because i love him. but my love is very one-sided. or at least not equal. i know i always wanted to be the one who loves more. but how silly i am. how foolish.
