"I know I don't know you well enough to say this, but you haven't seemed yourself lately."
@themoonlitmonarch
"Mm? Oh... Yeah, I guess I'm probably not hiding anything very well." Not that it was a big deal since it wasn't someone he was trying to hide anything from. In general he wasn't trying to hide anything (right now!), but he was probably pretty clearly distracted. Ryker mostly knew him when he was focused. Attentive. Today his mind was elsewhere.
"You know about the kid I travel with, yeah? He's the leader of the guild I'm part of 'cause he's the one who made it. Obviously he's still just a kid, but he... grew up without a family or structure, so he's pretty independent. I know he doesn't like being treated like a kid either. Not on the last job we had that you were part of, but one after that, he wanted to do things as a leader."
Yuri paused, trying to figure out how to convey this to someone who didn't know their situation at all. "Okay, so back up a little bit - not much, just a bit, 'cause it matters for this. Some time back, he didn't wanna be treated like the leader. Didn't think he was ready. At the time, he just wanted to act like any regular member until he felt ready. That brings us to a recent job we had, when he thought he was ready. I... didn't. Not in general, but for that particular job. He insisted he really wanted to for that job. I relented and let him. He... got hurt. And I keep wondering, if I hadn't caved and I'd chosen his safety over his feelings, wouldn't he have been fine?"
As Karol got older, Yuri really did want to respect his decisions as the guild leader. Problem was, he was still really young and still prone to problems arising from inexperience. It might've been better for them to test the waters first - do some sort of practice drills or something to help him learn. Unfortunately Yuri hadn't really thought about that in much depth until after this happened.
"I've kind of... adopted him like a brother, and sort of like a parent. It's complicated, but... that's basically our relationship. I figured that... as what's basically his guardian, I can't just shield him from everything forever. That he does need to get out there and learn from experience. By doing things. Part of it was 'cause he was so insistent, but he's also getting older. He's a teenager now. I can't just hide him away from the world - especially not if he's gonna be a guild leader. I just... wonder if I should've stuck with my gut that I had in the first place. Even if he got upset and felt like I was underestimating him or treating him like a little kid."
As of now, he was doing okay. There was no immediate danger, and he was in perfectly safe hands with healers right now that Raven had handpicked. There was nothing to panic about to beat himself up over. It was just that... yeah, he got hurt. Yeah, he wanted to try to be a leader, and when he had... it went wrong. Wouldn't that, too, hurt him, just in a different way?
"It's not like we could've known things were gonna go wrong like they did, but it still wasn't... a job I felt comfortable with him leading for in the first place. I can't say I knew with certainty, but it's just sorta like... I had a feeling that it was a bad idea. But then... I let him do it anyway, 'cause I put his feelings first. It's not the same as what we did before with the job I had when I met you. We had a better handle on that and what his role was. I'm just... trying to figure out where to draw the line with this stuff. When to let him be a leader, and when to tell him he's too inexperienced and not budge."
He leaned back, straightened his back and sighed. "My bad, I shouldn't be unloading all this heavy stuff on you. He's okay - I mean, he's alive, safe, healing. I'm just... distracted, and it's weighing on me a bit. Once he's back on his feet and all, I'll probably be fine, even if I still gotta think about this stuff. Just... hard to be my usual self I guess, while I'm waiting for that."











