#themchanges

Why in the world would I give my heart to you?

Time. Hate the concept of time, how fast time flies when you're around those you love, or how agonizingly slow it snails past when you're in class wishing it was lunch or time to go home.

People change with time. someone who you trusted holding your heart can turn on you or just fade away into another past bittersweet memory. People who you never once thought you'd grow close to become a lifeline for you. And like them, You change. Your body changes, feelings and emotions develop, Everyone just grows up and moves on, without you.

Such a horrifying concept, how everyone can move on, make something of themselves, grow up. Without You.

A tall hill that holds the future at the very top, one that everyone climbs effortlessly, even those who struggle and face challenges over come these rocks and sticks along the way and continue to climb. 

 Why can't I?

It feels like just yesterday I was turning 12 and going into the 7th grade, seeing friends from way back. Looking at my surroundings I'm met with family, everyone around me feels so close yet so far. Everyone so far ahead, smiling at how far they've come, and there's me. Struggling to climb, each fall, each stick and stone in the way causing me to stumble and fall behind.

Why is everything changing so fast? Why am I the one only one falling behind? Why is everyone glaring at me? Why is everyone against me? 

Please, stop pushing me, Please, don't leave me behind 

I swear I can change, I'll do better, I'll be better.

Time. Maybe it's not so bad when you take a long walk, waving at people who ignore you and shove you around. Maybe they're in a hurry? Why's everyone crying? The birds are chirping and I saw my favorite flower! They're called bleeding hearts because when they bloom, they look like bleeding hearts. I should pick some and take them show them to my sister.  There's no use in being sad when you can take a long walk somewhere beautiful. I love smiling and being happy, why can everyone do the same? The sun is shining so bright, a lovely day for a picnic! Though, that dark place. It's so gloomy, everyone around it seems so upset..why?

Stumbling while walking, the scenery keeps getting darker, scary almost. Where's my dad? What time is it? I told him I would be back by lunch. Why is everyone inside crying? Why is she here? My family, all gathered together crying. Should I also cry? No, I should keep smiling and cheering them up! It's what I do!

I wonder why my sister is here. It's not like she bothered to show up to my graduation or birthdays, not even when my last hope died. 

That picture of me, it's nice.