#themanthefearlingsfeared

Yes, right. Somehow he had managed to fall in love with someone online, even if he could have „every girl in school...or even in town“ according to Aster. Maybe it just made it much worse that he had fallen for a guy. 

It all had started about three years ago.

At first they were nothing more than two strangers, who happend to play an online game together. Occasionally. Jack had never imagined himself playing a game like that, since he was barely online. He just loved to spend his time outside with his friends or play sports, but well...when you had a fever and couldn’t do anything for about a week someone as active as Jack just had to do something to not go insane.

Soon they started to talk during their gaming sessions with the help of their headsets and Jack – as a noob – earned more than just one witty remark from the other. It only took them a few weeks to agree on seeing each other via webcam and just a few hours of caming before they gave each other names, more and more with every caming session. Jack often got called Snowflake, Snowcone, Ice Queen or – when the other was really into it – Jack Frost. Very funny. Just because his character was a wizard with a speciality for ice spells...geez. Okay, maybe his snow white hair was one of the main reasons, too. Jack couldn't let him get away with that, of course. So names like Your Vikingness, Freckles or Pea were common by now. But Hiccup was Jack's personal favourite. Once, when they were talking with their headsets, Hadrian (that was his real name, by the way) was ranting (because of Jack's stupid decision to use a gravity spell to bring down that dragon instead of a water spell like Hadrian had recommended) he had caught a hiccup. That was absolutely hilarious. Jack could literally hear Hadrian's thoughts as Hadrian wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole. But the boy just continued his ranting, only interrupted every five seconds by the cute little sounds. And with that he became Hiccup. The boy hated that name, but Jack just couldn't stop and soon Hadrian was so used to it that he started to complain when Jack called him by his actual name.

After a few months Jack considered him as a good friend. They talked almost every day for at least an hour. It wasn’t a lot of time and since Hiccup lived in Europe, they had to consider the time difference. So to be able to talk more, they exchanged phonenumbers to be able to text during the day.

After a year, they talked about meeting each other some day. But Ireland wasn't what Jack would call „just around the corner“ and considering that they both were still attending High School, they could never afford to actually meet each other.

After a year and a half, Jack was convinced that Hiccup was – by now – his best friend. Sure, there was Aster, Anna, little Jamie or his foster-father North, but that just wasn't the same. He felt like they could talk about everything and respected it when the other wanted to keep something to themselves. Since everyone deserved a little secret.

But after two years things started to get weird for Jack, but he tried to ignore the signs. It all started when Hiccup started talking more about his friends than usual, and a weird feeling emerged in Jack's gut. Whenever Hiccup told him that he was going out with his best friends: Astrid and Finn again, Jack tried to be happy for the introverted boy, but he couldn't. He wanted to be in their stead but he just claimed it as a normal fear of being forgotten. Who would care about a friend from another country when he had a beautiful girl and a funny and smart guy hanging out with him?

Jack really had tried not to be unfair, but at times he just couldn't hide that he was hurt and felt insignificant. But Jack – being himself – covered everything up with his cheery attitude. He just shoved the thoughts into the back of his head, ignoring the silent voice that told him that this wouldn't work out for long. 

But Jack didn't believe it, he had told himself that he was stronger than that voice and those ugly feelings. but only half a year later the voice should be proved right. It hit him unexpected and with full force. Astrid had kissed Hiccup. Just like that. Jack was already aware that it would probably end like this. A beautiful girl and a cute boy. It was only natural for it to end like this, right? Even though Hiccup was a little upset about it (because it was „out of the blue“), Jack was even more upset. He had stared at the screen of his laptop, stared at the words without actually seeing them. He rose up, and turned his back to the device, covering his mouth with both hands, taking deep unsteady breaths, trying to calm down and blink away the tears that had started to gathered in the corners of his eyes. Jack didn't allow himself to cry because of something like that. Why should he? Because he just realized that he really was in love with a boy who he had never met before, who lived on another continent than him? Hah! No, not him! Not Jack. That would be completely stupid and exaggerated. Who would cry because of a heartbreak? Not him! Not Jackson Overland! Nope.

It took him a few more moments to react. And thinking back, Jack acted like an asshole. With trembling fingers he had written a cold and stupid answer, telling him that he had to go and would come back later, even though he had no intention ever come back. Not really how a „best friend“ was supposed to behave, right? But back then, Jack couldn't think clearly. Immediately signing off, he had turned off his laptop, turned off his phone and ran out of the house. This was also the day in where Jack stood in front of Aster's door, being completely jazzed and distraught. This was also the night he had told his friend about Hiccup and the night he had learned that Aster wasn't as intolerant and bigoted as he had expected him to be. It was the night Anna came over too, and Jack at least understood that he had friends he could rely on.

From that day on, things weren't how they used to be. Jack had to force himself to act normal, to force a laugh, to force concern, to force understanding and especially to force himself not to show how jealous he was. He told himself that it was okay, that it didn't matter how he felt, that everything would work out perfectly as long as they would just stay friends. But even though Jack tried so hard, he didn't manage it all the time and whenever Hiccup would ask him what was wrong he tried to lie, ignore it and tell the truth without actually saying something at all, or when he didn't see another way out: to escape.

Sure, they had more than just one argument because of this. And yes, of course their friendship was tested a lot. Jack felt guilty, jealous, stupid, tired, exhausted, sad and lost.

His friends and a silent voice in the back of his head – probably the only rational part left inside of him when it came to Hiccup – told him that he either should finally confess or end all of this. Because this couldn't „continue like this, mate“ as Aster said. But he couldn't. He couldn't just choose the one way and surely not the other, and so Jack remained in this situation. He was far too addicted to this friendship by now.

And it stayed like that for half a year. Really, how was this even possible? Why couldn't he just date one of the beauties in his school and fall for them like they had fallen for him? He really tried to get his mind off of Hiccup but it just didn't work! Or why couldn't Hiccup just fall for him? 

But well, life wasn't easy.

Today, Jack had to admit, was a good day. They could fool around and tease each other just how it was supposed to be. They talked to each other with their headsets and Jack leant back in his chair after finishing their game for today which they hadn't played for quite a while. 

Jack chuckled. „You saved my butt again“, he sighed, running a hand through his snow white hair. He heard Hiccup's suppressed laugher in his ear, hating how it sounded so mechanic because the 'bad' quality of their phone connection. How he wished to hear that laugh for real, just once. „I wonder why you're still so bad at this even though you play this game for so long „ „Not everyone is as perfect at this as you, you little freckled gaming junkie!“

Another chuckle left his mouth before adding „Maybe I just enjoy it far too much to hear you complain and still seeing you come to my rescue.“ Here we go again, he thought, telling the truth which was belonged to something so much bigger. But the essential part remained unspoken. Again. Oh, how much it annoyed him. He felt how his mood started to swing. No Jack, don't ruin it again, you already had an argument last week. And the week before that week. And the week before that week, too.

„Yeah, I guess I have a weak spot when it comes to you“ he heard Hadrian joking and his insides started to twist. These kind of sentences were the worst part. The words which were just meant as a joke but tore his heart apart. Because even though Jack knew Hadrian wasn't serious – he took it as a hint and that again annoyed him to no end. How stupid are you, Jack? That was like pushing the button for selfdestruction on a daily basis. „You're the worst“, he muttered, more to himself than to Hiccup.

„What?“, the other asked a little confused.

That made Jack snap out of it, realizing that he had just said it out loud.

„Oh, uh, nevermind“, he muttered, again running a hand through his locks. There was silence at the end of the line for a few seconds before he heard a sigh.

„What's wrong with you lately?“

There was that question again. It was always the same question and „Nothing“, was again his reply.

„Jack, really...I am worried.“

Jack let it sink in for a few seconds. Worried? That' what Hiccup told him every time. He didn't like the sound that. And at the same time he did. It showed that Hiccup cared. He remained silent and Hiccup started his little rant again. Jack didn't really listen, but when he did he heard the usual things like: „You don't really talk with me anymore.“, „Like you don't trust me.“, „You changed.“ And every time he heard those words, he hated them even more. Nothing got better, it just got worse every day. Hiccup was still talking without even taking a breath when Jack let out a short and blunt „Hiccup?“ to interrupt him.

The boy stopped immediately. „Yes Jack?“, he asked as if to make sure that it was really directed to him.

„I told you that I have a crush before, didn't I?“

Jack was surprised about himself. Where did this suddenly come from?

Hiccup hesitated with his answer before a silent „Yes, you did“ left his mouth. Jack could literally feel that the other would like to ask him a thousand things right now. Also he could see him biting down on his tongue to not just assail him with questions and urge him to continue. He knew that this would be a mistake now that Jack finally decided to talk to him.

But did Jack really want to? He was sweating and wrapped his arms tightly around his waist while tensing up in his seat. Why didn't he think properly through this? North always told him: Think before speaking. Shit!

„What if...“, he started, sounding short of breath. „What if I told you that I'm in love with a boy?“, he heard himself asking, his eyes growing wider. It was like he didn't have any control over his mouth anymore, as if it had an independent mind to work with. He held his breath for a few seconds, his eyes staring at the screen, checking if Hiccup didn't end the conference since he couldn't hear anything anymore. The seconds passed by and for Jack it felt like an eternity before he finally heard Hiccup‘s breath again as if he was holding away the headset.

„Well...“, he started slowly and Jack tried to hear any indication that would tell him what Hiccup was feeling. „I...I'd say that...uh...“ He was at a lack of words, that was for sure. But there was more. His voice was coarse and shaky, also it was a pitch higher than usual. And there was something Jack couldn't put his finger on.

„That's unexpected“, he finally heard. „But...cool. That's cool.“

Now Jack knew that something was definitely wrong. That it was different.

Cold sweat made its way down his temples and he was biting down harshly into his lip.

Hiccup sounded troubled, unsure, maybe disgusted. Great.

But now that Hiccup knew almost everything...shouldn't he just tell him? It seemed like it didn't matter now anymore anyways.

He chewed on his lips. It was like his mouth just wanted to blurt out with it while his mind told him that it wouldn't be a good idea.

But since when did Jack really listen to what his mind told him? „What if I told you that you're the one I'm in love with?“

And then there was nothing but silence at the other end of the line.

____________________

Thinking back to that moment now, Jack felt stupid. Half a year had passed and well...he was the happiest boy in the entire world. Not that happiness could be measured but he was absolutely convinced when it came to this matter! If he would have known that everything would turn out well in the end, he would have confessed earlier. At first he thought he was doomed. Because silence was never the best reaction when it came to something like this, right? But this time it was just the silence before the storm.

It was like an assault of words that hit him, like „You stupid snowflake, why didn't you say anything earlier?!“ or „Oh Gods, I can't believe this, I dreamed about it happening, why didn't I believe in it?!“ or „I wish I could rip your head off for making me think that you hate me!“ When Jack asked him why he should hate him he got the rant of his life, for being an asshole and not telling anything and talking to him like to a stone.

Jack was so startled that he couldn't even react to the actual meaning behind those words. Only when he heard the other's deep sigh and his silent „You know...I like you too...I mean, like this.“ It slowly dawned on him and when he finally understood he jumped to his feet, covering his mouth, his hands shaking. He remembered it perfectly and whenever he thought back to the moment of finally becoming a couple he smiled.

Right now he was on his way back home from school and only a few minutes away from his home when he received a message. He smiled like a fool in love when he pulled out his phone, knowing perfectly well who had just written him without even looking onto the screen. Jack, you have to come online right away when you're home! Have to tell you something!

He raised his eyebrows at that, wondering what could possibly be the matter but quickened his pace anyways. Patience wasn't something he'd call a strength of his and he had to know right away! So when coming home he threw his bag onto the couch and ran up to his room where he signed in immediately, just like usual.

Since they lived in different time zones and taking into consideration that it was already evening where Hiccup lived Jack always came online right after school so that they could spend a few hours together. Homework? Well, he could worry about that at night or at school where he would beg his friends for their answers.

„Here I am, Freckles“, he wrote, „what's the matter? And don't tell me that this isn't the way you greet your boyfriend because I am curious and I'll die if you won't tell me.“

He knew that Hiccup would smile at that and roll his eyes at the same time. He knew him well enough by now.

„Oh, really? Mabye I should write especially slow, then“, was the answer and Jack groaned. „Hic!“

There was no reaction for a few moments and Jack waited, shifting on his chair. He really liked to torture him, didn't he?

But if he would have known that the following words would take his breath away, maybe he would have hold on to something.