#thelostfinch

I am furious that you're putting the onus on me for making you feel that you're unable to make friends. How can you blame me for making you feel inadequate when the only thing that I did was feel inadequate about myself? Take responsibility for your own actions and reactions. I never "threw you away." I was so afraid that she would convince you to get up and leave me that I did the only thing I thought I could do to stop us from falling apart. It obviously was naïve to hope that isolating myself from everything to do with her, including you, would keep that from happening, but that's what I did anyway. I didn't intend to throw you away, and I hate that it felt that way to you. The cycle is complete now, I suppose. To whatever degree of intentionality, I threw you away like Carly threw me away, like you threw Jen away, and like Carly threw Meghan away before me. I will miss our friendship. It was real friendship to me. I dug you out of a snowbank when you slid off the road, after all, because that's what real friends do. I went out over the summer with you and took hundreds of pictures with you; I even let down my guard and insecurities enough to let you shoot me, even though I still hate being photographed, and even though you're the only person beside my father who I've felt comfortable enough with to do that, because I thought that you were a real friend. Goodbye, Lauren.

And I was going to say, "It's okay, Lauren, I've realized I perceive awkwardness in places it doesn't exist, too," and she was going to say, "I told you so."