Dear Jennifer, Age 30
This boy, I know he seems great. I know he seems like the answer to all of your problems.
But youâll give him the keys to your life. And youâll get in the passenger seat. And he doesnât even want to drive. But you want to drive even a little less than he does, and heâs such a good driver.
You donât know that your undiagnosed ADHD is causing most of the problems that make him laugh and say that youâre a bad adult. So youâll believe him. Youâll think that youâre a bad adult and that he has all the answers. Youâll think that itâs best for him to tell you what to eat, or drink, or think, or be... Youâll take that job because you feel guilty that heâs been paying for everything. And he thinks you should take it. So youâll take it. And youâll be miserable at it, every day for 2 years.Â
I saw you today. You ran into an old friend, a guy who you met that same fateful night that you met your ex. You remembered that night, the night that you met him. You wanted to stay out and hang out with this other guy. But that ship sailed, and you went off to the party where you met your ex. And your whole life got turned upside down.
Remember the time Megan told you that she didnât know who you were anymore? She told you that youâd somehow lost yourself. That you werenât the same joyful exuberant person you were when she met you in 2007? You stopped being Jen somewhere between there and here. But donât worry, my dear. Youâre starting to remember.Â
Youâre starting to remember that you were capable of being passionate about something. Youâre remembering that youâre fun, and funny, and capable of doing nearly anything you set your mind to. Youâre finding out that âbeing a bad adultâ is a chemical cocktail in your brain that doesnât quite let you work the same way other people do. And that awesome little orange and white pill you take each day helps a lot.Â
Youâre not a bad adult. Youâre not a mess or a weirdo or bad in general. Youâre not unlovable or undesirable or any of the things that you felt. You donât have to stay in a relationship with a guy whoâs not sure about you. You donât have to search for and grasp at love with someone else... because your life is wonderful.
And you have all the love you need.
Love,
Jen, Age 36Â













