#thehardestthing

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This will be the hardest thing I ever do in my life.

You have to understand that. You have to know how hard this is for me.

You can have my babies around her.

Please know that every second I write this I’m sobbing and my heart is literally shattering into a million pieces.

This is something I never ever ever thought I would have to do and it literally kills every single thing inside me.

But I can’t keep fighting you over this. And I can’t live like this with the constant worry you’re going to just do it anyway. I am drowning.

It’s the last step in letting you go. And I have to do that. Not because I stopped caring but because you did. Not because I want to but because I don’t have a choice. Because you were going to do it behind my back anyway.

All I want in this world is you, is my family, is us all together. But it’s gone now and I somehow have to live with that. I will forever be alone and hurting because of it. Underneath anything I say or do or how I act or who I’m with all I want is us. I know in time that will change but time is not on my side right now.

I have to let you go. I have to let my ties to my babies go. I have to let it hurt me and then find a way to overcome it.

All I ask for is respect. Don’t ever make them lie to me or tell them it’s better if I don’t know. Don’t ever let her mother them. They won’t like it and they’ll tell her where to go. I need to know her address so I know where my children are and the sleeping arrangements.

Please don’t ever post or take photos of them together. And please for the love of god make sure she knows to never post my children on her Facebook. I have ways of finding out and it’s just so so disrespectful. I know she doesn’t care about what she’s done and she’s happy to flaunt it but they are MY babies and she does not have my permission to post any photos of them at all. And I’d hope you’d have more respect for me then to ever upload photos of her with my kids on any social media. She is not their mother, not their stepmother, not anyone. They know who and what she is and as they get older they can make their own choices in regards to her.

I do not want any of her family around them. Ever. Always keep them safe.

Please try and limit her time with them and just take them out on your own like you usually would. This isn’t bonding time with her, this is time with their dad. They are OURS.

I know you have no respect for me but these are things that need to be discussed between you and her and made firm on.

Also you will have to drop the Thursday with them or change your night to a night she isn’t home. Or have them at your dads on that day.

I take a small amount of comfort in knowing she will spend no nights with my babies and you need to respect that.

You need to not be affectionate towards her in front of them or let them see you sleep together etc..they are so little and despite what you may think it will hurt them inside and damage them. It’s too soon for all of this.

I wish you knew how much this breaks me. How much this kills me. How empty I am now that you’ve taken absolutely everything from me for her. I will never recover. You win.