If you’re reading this right now, you’re probably terrified. You probably feel vulnerable and alone. It may feel as though your entire world has been turned upside down. Part of you may want to shut the whole world out, while another part of you may long for a comforting voice and a reassuring pat on the back. In short, you are ashamed of yourself - and you should be. If you’re reading this right now, you’ve just recently become a Green Day fan.

You’ve become a monster. You’ve become a horrible, gross, disgusting creature that should be cast out from cultured society. You’ve become a burden on both the people you love and the world as a whole. You should be locked in a cage and forbidden to see the light of day ever again until you choke to death on your own shitty musical tastes. Once you accept all of these truths, you can move forward, and you can start to make strides towards a life that may just be worth living - maybe. After all, not all monsters are bad.

How did this happen? How did you get here? Do you deserve this and, if so, why or why not? These are just a few of the many questions you should start asking yourself. Try your best to backtrack this thing. Dig deep into the recesses of both your conscious and unconscious mind for a better time: a time when you weren’t a fan of Billie Joe Armstrong and his gang of not-so-punk rockers. Do this, and you may already start to feel a little bit better. Understanding is the first step to coping, coping is the first step to accepting, and accepting is the first step to becoming a productive member of society - and not a walking abomination - once again.

Once you’ve somehow come to terms with the fact that you’ve become an uncultured, unsophisticated, embarrassing son of a bitch that none of your friends will ever want to be seen with in public ever again, you’ll have to figure out how to look the part. It’s important to remember that the clothes make the man or, in this case, the empty shell of a man that you’ve become. That being said, nothing says “Green Day is my favorite band in the entire goddamned world” better than the classic American Idiot album cover tee. Wear this with some black jeans, a studded belt, and some dirty Converse sneakers and you’ll be sure to fit right in. All of these items can be found at pretty much any Hot Topic store. If you don’t know what Hot Topic is, just head to your area’s local mall and follow the kids from Twilight.

Now that you’re dressed for “success”, you’ve got to act the part. The multiple rips in your skin-tight jeans that you most likely deliberately and carefully carved out way ahead of time mean absolutely nothing if the other socially awkward, misunderstood, rebellious fans don’t think you’re full of just as much teenage angst as the rest of them. Don’t be afraid to really push it to the limit here. Sure, hair dye and piercings are a good starting point, but regularly telling your parents and other authoritative figures in your life to “Shut the crap up and let me live my life you Nazi-Germany buttheads!” is what will really set you apart from the norm.

You know how you should look and you know how you should behave. Would your life be more fulfilling and worthwhile right now had you never made the fateful choice to click on “customers who like Blink 182 may also enjoy…” while scrolling through iTunes at 4:00 in the morning? It absolutely would be, but that doesn’t matter anymore because you’re okay with the very obvious wrong choices you’ve made, and you’re now ready to attend your very first Green Day show! Appropriate concert etiquette is pretty straightforward. Ideally, you’ll have your phone out and recording as much as possible. Share status updates on your Facebook and Twitter. Post poorly-shot, shaky videos to your Instagram and Snapchat. Stand up tall and let the entire world in on this terrible joke of a life you’re now living!