#thegrilltalks

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoy my stuff here! Its always nice to see other trans folk here in the community. ^^

Hey y'all, long time no see. Been kinda lurking lately as I've been busy dealing with some stuff and motivation to share/record has been at an all time low. Still got a lot going on but I managed to record this short file the other morning. Just me sitting down and listening after crawling out of bed. My heart has been a lot more skippy as of late. I couldn't catch much of the new stuff in this file but lately she's been throwing a lot of trigeminy as well as some couplets and triplets my way. Sorry for any extra noise and there is a segment of about 5 seconds of silence as I adjust the steth. Will try to resume stuff whenever I get the chance to. Enjoy.

From @lailalevander --- 💔Do you have any embarrassing heart-related moments?

I do actually! Somewhat related to the recent post I made. There were some times where I came out to my friends with my fascination with heartbeats. Some of those times, they had found my stethoscopes before I ever decided to bring it up in the first place. At the time I was kinda being a bit of an open book so I would just plainly say that I enjoyed listening to them and that it was comforting to me. Thankfully they never asked any further questions after I gave them that explanation.

One of my super close friends, also mentioned in another post, found my stash of medical goodies while we were hanging out. This included my ultrasound machine, steths, everything. He knew that I just liked heartbeats before hand but he had absolutely no clue how deep that rabbit hole went. He was playfully curious and I got to have a bit of a show and tell with all the things I had there. Along with some mutual demonstrations. We kept it PG but he said it was honestly really cool and amazing that I had all that stuff. I could tell he had a lot of fun and after that he let me listen to his more often.

Lastly, was this one time when I was still in school where another student randomly brought a stethoscope with them. No one else seemed to really care that he had it but I sure did the moment I spotted him with it around his neck. I tried my best to push this random event to the back of my mind and ignore it though the rest of class but that day he chose to sit beside me on my left. I remember during a break in class I heard him call my name and I just turned to him to ask what was up. Only to have the diaphragm of the steth pressed into the center of my chest the moment I finished turning to meet him. I was so flustered and confused that it left me utterly stunned. I must have been completely red in the face and his eyes were wide. "Wow! Your heart is SO. LOUD! " is all he said as he listened and thankfully for not much longer. Once he stopped listening he just turned back to his friends and no one ever spoke of it again lol.

But yeah those are some of the more notable moments I can think of from my past. Post this ask was from linked below.

Hey y'all I tried out streaming today on YT. Played a game while I did so. Went really well! ^^ I caught a ton of skips on stream and it was really nice to have a chance to do. I don't really schedule when I share but I think the next time I'll be live on YT. Sub there if you want or you can check out the VOD here:

Hey y'all. Been meaning to catch up after a brief lurking episode. I've been dealing with work stuff and some health things that I might make a post later about. For now I've got this brief file for you after smoking some weed. Recently, my heart has been naturally irregular and it doesn't cause me any problems. It has been really interesting to experience every day and sometimes mess with.

I was talking to my friend about phobias 'n such the other day. I explained to him that I used to have an irrational fear of death and my own mortality. To a silly degree. Where I got to the point where it almost made me cardio-phobic and a hypochondriac. Then I suddenly had this "near death" experience that changed that. It was scary, I lived and I'm 100% fine now. I still think about what happened and how it felt, not in a ptsd way. It oddly comforts me?? Basically, the memory of it calmed me of my fear, and writing to them and describing how it felt brought some catharsis. I now knew the unknown that had seeded this fear. Or a version of it anyway. I thought about sharing what I wrote here, as its cardio/resus related (kinda? My heart caused it) and obviously, its a bit dark... Thoughts? I don't want to just have a moment where I just basically trauma dump on main unprompted.