#thegreatrhapsode

So back in the day 4 or so years ago, I started my tumblr out of the sole intent to follow and send asks to a comedy list blog and even intended to do my own. That failed. Or at the least I couldn’t keep producing results because my brand of comedy just wasn’t something all that viable to build a blog on. I was around that time I started FT and it was the first series I ever feel like I chose myself. Most series I got into at the time were the ones people said I should check out, or I had a vague knowledge of before going into it. But this was the first series I picked because I randomly found it and was like, “I can get this.” I eventually met someone through that list blog that ended up being a fan of FT and we quickly bonded over it. It became kinda a crux for the first real friend I made over the internet. And I was happy. I got into the fandom and eventually met more people and that’s basically how I made friends which was through the fandom. It eventually influenced me so much, I ended up at a place that made me have to confront the “true quality of the series.”

This group had kinda been a more negative FT crowd who kinda pointed out how it was kinda dumb (and let me express this was an anime in general group we had, FT was a topic cause it was a weekly series, but just don’t this was a solely salty FT crowd) but at the time I felt I couldn’t articulate my thoughts so I write my first review. It got minimum views with my big break eventually being my review of chapter 515. And I was so happy. I people who validated my opinions, I grew in followers, and I could finally come to the table with a personality to blog for my friends (They were already distinct bloggers so I was always kinda the least successful cause I didn’t do much) But doing this review thing forced me to dive into parts of the fandom I never noticed. The discourse. I was so green to it that I became a stunch defender.

So I put all my efforts in my reviews while also popping up in many different places and FT related blogs. As I continued to do reviews  though and the shift of my own friends feelings and me associating with people who were in the negative feeling of FT, my opinions shifted. The series I chose so long ago finally revealed that it wasn’t as good as I thought it be. Every horrible thing I heard trolls yell about FT actually felt like it became true in that. So I was now in the thick of it and I would fight for my opinions. I would take on anybody who felt differently. Defend my opinions with the utmost passion and doing this while trying to build a reputation for myself. For the first time ever I actually had something that was passionate about and felt like I could make a name for myself through a medium that was hard for me to find people in the outside world to talk to with.

I’m sure your asking, “Rhapsode, what does any of this have to do with a revival of the FT fandom?” Well it basically means a revival of the FT fandom would mean I’d have to take this series the same way I took FT and would mean I’d likely have to resort to what I was like back when the FT fandom was active. Now let me give you little insight to writing reviews for an anime series. The key to it is timing. Unlike a movie that was made like 10 years ago and you can make a review of it and still have it attract readers, isn’t the same as Manga reviews which the key is to get it out while this chapter is relevant. In one week everything can change and you gotta keep up with that. Which is why back when I was doing Ft and I wanted to be in that window of releasing it, I would look up spoilers because those would help me formulate opinions and ideas quicker. The problem with that is I basically have those forming opinions bouncing in my head for days, eating up my time and focus till it actually came out. And then it would just repeat.

And then it all ended. The series was over and I had basically went on my own suspension, eventually reviewing other series since I still felt I had obligations to the people who followed me. And the series I choose, One Piece, Black Clover, MHA, I never did the same for them. I released them on the day they came out sure, but I always just ran with them instead premeditating a review like I did for FT. But with Edens Zero that mean’s I’ll have to go back and frankly I can’t do that.

I can’t go back.

When I started writing reviews I was in my last year of high school. I wasn’t fully aware what it be like in a world where I had no planned schedule and I at the time I was working a lax desk job which gave me access to the internet so I always had a way of keeping up with Tumblr. It all just consumed me at the time. FOr a while this discourse was my life, not my hobby. But now things are different. I have a different job that means I can’t use the internet as much as I used to and my new classes this year are all in the morning. There’s no way I’d be able to hit that window sufficiently. The other thing is I’d have to go back to how I acted in the FT fandom.

Now its been years and looking back on it what I did back i the day, I’m kinda ashamed. I’d show up everywhere like an unwanted degree of kevin bacon, I would either have to defend my opinion against backlash that turned into a screaming fit or an insightful conversation with people I would’ve never talked to otherwise, and then that would get shared around and then I’d have to defend myself from that image of those rallying against me. Maybe its just that I’m older now and had time to run this blog as a normal, non discourse inflicted blog, but I discovered it was a lot more easier, a lot more fun and, while I stand by what I said t the time in my reviews, the way I acted just makes me seem like a child.

And yet with EZ first review, in 24 hours I got basically a same taste of that lifestyle after so long and I honestly can’t take it. I fell so much different having to write responses and receive mail, and then venture through stuff and blogs I don’t care about just for other opinions. Fun fact, on the day I wrote my review of EZ, I ended up staying up later than I ever would on a week day to answer peoples questions and then having to defend my opinions and image as not a salt blog. Then went to bed, went to work, then I came home and I passed out. And waking up I found I had to do more of that and for the first time I felt like this had become a chore. And if that’s just me on one day, what’s it going to be like 500 from now?

What makes this worse is I’ve basically made this my personal blog and my professional blog. Because when I started out, I never had the forsight to make a blog solely for reviews and others just for fun. I’m a simple guy and I thought, “ehh easier to have one blog.” So there’s no mincing personality here. You see thegreatrhapsode it all falls under one umbrella.

Another thing to keep in mind is that there is no incentive for me to write reviews. I don’t get any revenue like on youtube which multiple views would get me. I did this solely on the fact I wanted to and I enjoyed spreading my opinion. But nowadays that isn’t enough. Not to sound ungrateful, but I’m not in a position where “sheer fun of it”, is enough to warrant all this time and effort. Because when I do these, I want to put my best into it. I don’t want to let readers down, but I can’t do that if I’m no longer able to enjoy writing and feel like I’m not doing anything.

Because this shit ain’t MHA or OP where we all agree on its quailty, this is FT. If you have an already existing opinion you’re going to stick by it. There’s nothing I can do that would ever convince people who openly call themselves “thrash” in how they eat up Mashima’s content. Like what can I do?

So that’s where we are. Potentially a continuation of FT that will likely swallow up my life the same way it did the first time if I don’t do anything. With a guy who doesn’t to act the way he did years ago, I found way to spend my time not reviewing series and meeting people beyond just a series, no incentive to keep going beyond a feling of duty. But here I know first hand my experience with this fandom and if I complain about this hardship and yet continue, its on me. I know how this’ll end. I can see it. This is the first time I ever felt like there was nothing to gain from what I did.

Followers, mutuals, casuals, I love you guys, but I let you down. No matter what option I pick I let you all down. If I keep going with EZ I potentially burn myself out and have potentially wasted all of your time or I stop and as a content producer I’ve failed to deliver which is the basic purpose of a blog like this. I still promised I’d review up to chapter 3 and I’m a man of my word, but as t stands I think I’m finally going to do what so many people who don’t agree with my opinions have told me, “don’t like it, don’t read it.” Well lets be clear I’m stopping not cause I don’t like it, I’m not going to read it because my life is better off without it. There’s noting I can do to shift your already existent opinions and there’s nothing Hiro Mashima can write that can hurt me more than I hurt myself running a blog in this manner.