🇵🇸🇮🇱🇺🇸 THE GRAYZONE'S WEEKLY LIVESTREAM: COVERING ISRAEL'S SIEGE AND WAR CRIMES AGAINST PALESTINIANS LIVING IN GAZA

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Pushback with Aaron Maté

Guest: Andrii Telizhenko. Political consultant who was previously a Ukrainian government official and diplomat.

Former Ukrainian government official and diplomat Andrii Telizhenko joins Aaron Maté to discuss how, in his view, powerful US figures including Joe Biden have used Ukraine for personal corruption and the geopolitical aim of bleeding Russia -- all to the detriment of Ukrainians. Telizhenko worked for the Ukrainian prosecutor general’s office in Kyiv before moving to Ukraine's US Embassy in 2015. He went on to work for Blue Star Strategies, a Democrat-run lobbying firm that  represented Burisma, the Ukrainian gas company that appointed Biden’s son Hunter to a lucrative board seat.

Telizhenko, who cooperated with Rudy Giuliani's effort to dig up information about the Bidens' alleged corruption in Ukraine, has been sanctioned by the US Treasury Department for "having directly or indirectly engaged in, sponsored, concealed, or otherwise been complicit in foreign influence in a United States election."

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The two of us have read countless angsty articles on Elite Daily and Thought Catalog that have left us rapidly nodding our heads in agreement and saying YES - that writer gets me. Or, I may as well have written this article. Though we’ve maintained a rather light tone on Awkward Encounters until this point, part of what makes dating such a roller coaster are those lowest of lows. When you walk into the same room as an ex-whatever and all the feelings of regret, disgust and infatuation wash over you all over again. We want this blog to be something people can identify with, and something that has people nodding their heads in unison with us. So, we’re taking a leap and publishing some of our own short reflections on the encounters that have left us feeling the most vulnerable and, often, the most alone.

REFLECTION 1

Your body is confusing.

Your hand, for example. It’s on my leg in the car. It slides under my shirt in the bar, fingers curling around the bare skin of my waist. It’s always in my hair, mussing, pulling, petting. I wear a dress with an open back, your hand finds its way there, tracing the edges of the exposure in wide circles.

Your arms break the rules, pulling me into you on the dance floor, pressing my back and your chest together just long enough for my breath to catch. Then they’re gone, taking you with them, scared off by curious eyes around us.

Your stalking eyes follow me everywhere. At a crowded dinner table I look up from my plate and find them, silently gleaming with the mischief of a joke meant just for us. They get under my skin, especially when you lean back in your chair and stare at me, hands behind your head, smirking at me like you know something that I don’t.

The worst criminal of all, your mouth. It lets out promises you won’t keep, jokes that toe the line, and a neverending stream of double entendres. It tells me that I am special, that I am the best, that I am beautiful. It quips that we are meant to be together, eventually. It viciously berates the other men that dare infiltrate my life, which I’m beginning to suspect you feel is your turf. In the same breath, it boasts of last night’s conquests and casual sex. It objectifies. It keeps me close and far away at the same time, inviting me in and then blocking the exit.

I’m stuck to you. You keep it this way on purpose. I’m a collectible toy. You won’t play, but you won’t let anyone else play either. I watch as the other girls come and go. You talk about our past right in front of them, pretending you don’t see their narrowing eyes and twisted mouths. I deflect it with jokes. I am the first to leave, usually. You walk me out. Every time we part ways, you casually slip in “I love you.” I can never say it back. If I said it, then I would have to admit it’s true.

Your body is confusing.

REFLECTION 2

Even when I’m seeing someone else, and even when I’m on my own, I see you and it all comes flooding back. It’s immediate. Like I’ve just had the wind knocked out of me and I’m struggling to breathe again. You ignore me when all I want is a hello. But I don’t provide it either. I’ve made a pact with myself that I will not speak to you. But I want acknowledgement that I’m a human. Alive.

One year later and your manipulation games still get me. They drag me down and make me feel unworthy when the unworthy person is you. You’re broken and shattered and we don’t even say one word to each other even though we’ve shared the most intimate moments. This silence is what I thought I wanted, but it isn’t.

Now we're strangers passing without a second glance. These strangers have never kissed passionately and fiercely and wanted each other because now they don’t even look at each other. You’re scum. Everything I never wanted. And everything I never want again. But here I am wanting now and writing about you because it still hurts and I still feel rejected and broken and completely unwanted. I deserve better. Something that isn’t fleeting and high for a moment. It’s not worth the pain.

“There’s a moment you know / you’re fucked.” - Spring Awakening

Ah, The Vanishing Act, a common maneuver in the playbook of non-committers. We've identified this alarming spectacle as a classic tenet of dating in the digital age. One party will heatedly pursue the other for an extended period of time (6 to 8 weeks), only to suddenly vanish into the abyss. Poof! In a cloud of fairy dust, that special someone who you had so eagerly hoped would turn into a special something is gone. No goodbye, no explanation. All is fair in love and war, right?

“We live in Los Angeles and it’s a concrete jungle.”- Male, 25

Katie really liked David. He was respectful. He invited her to dinner with his friends, opened car doors for her, took her to yoga, and kissed her goodnight at the door. He said all the right things: You’re exactly the kind of girl my parents would love. You’re too smart for me. How are you still single? Cheesy, yes, but she started to see potential in him. Could it be? Could the hand that held hers in the Urth Caffe brunch line be pulling her out of the gray zone?

God, we wish. Sorry girl.

Two months in, David flaked on plans. Katie tried to reschedule, and never heard from him again.

“It's like a bad... cycle. But like we want to get with a girl, and then we finally get her, and then she really wants to hang with us and than that's, like, a turnoff. Like the chase is more fun. Then it's like not as fun anymore. There could be a girl that I’m really totally into and then she starts to like me I don't even want to see her. Like, I’ll hate her.” - Male, 25

“I start thinking about possible scenarios and getting stuck and I freak myself out. Like missing opportunities with other girls or hurting other girls' feelings.” - Male, 24

The worst part of The Vanishing Act is that you get no warning. Zero. In the gray zone, we constantly look for clues to ascertain where we are headed. She didn’t text me back but she sent me a Snapchat. He likes all my Instagram posts. Her friends added me on Facebook! He said this, she did that. We follow the breadcrumb trail, sometimes right off a cliff into a horrifying freefall.

“I don't like a boy who's interested. That whole thing with Sam* this year, it was too intense. He liked me so much and I didn't understand why. He needed to take like 7 steps back, he was scaring the shit out of me." - Female, 22

Most people at one point or another of their interviews expressed the following sentiments:

People need to be more honest. 

Being honest is hard. 

People flip out when they hear the truth, making honesty scary.

We want to have our cake and eat it too. We want to swim without getting wet. Point being, we’re hypocrites. We believe in the truth, but then are too scared to follow through and deliver it when we can.

“I had sex with her and it was fine, it was great. Then after that, I felt like accomplished my mission, and I stopped talking to her. She wanted to be my girlfriend and I didn't. So I told her, and she hated me.” - Male, 25

It’s hard to tell someone that you don’t like them. Those who defend The Vanishing Act point out that it gets the message across loud and clear without any confrontation. It’s effective. But we cannot ignore the fact that it’s cruel, leaving the victim to torture themselves in an endless loop of speculation. What happened? Did he/she meet someone else? Why couldn’t he/she tell me? The lack of closure cripples the moving on process, hurting the person far more than the pain of a cold explanation. So start explaining. Make shit up if you have to! Just have the grace to end things.

“I'd rather someone say ‘I'm gonna have sex with another person’ than string me along thinking it's all good...it makes you look like a fool. I'm not trying to hold anyone hostage. If things aren't working I want to know that, because eventually they'll end.” - Female, 23

At the end of the day, most of the relationships we dive into won't work out. It’s pure math, really, and as Ted Mosby says -- you can’t win the lottery every time**. When things go south, you have the following options:

Option A: Honestly explain to the other party that you simply aren't feeling the feels.

Option B: Use a bullshit line. Acceptable bullshit lines include:  “I’m too busy with work,” “I’m not looking for anything right now,” “I like someone else,” “It’s not you, it’s me,” “I’m at a weird place in my life,” etc. etc. etc.

Option C: Vanish.

Please, for the sanity of everyone involved, PICK OPTION A. Option B, even, if you’re not quite feeling up to Option A, because at least you’ll be providing your Significant Almost with closure so that he or she can move on. Yes, it’s more difficult. But you will spare him/her a trip to Mount Wonder Why in Crazytown. And most importantly, you will spare his/her friends the burdensome and irritating task of dissecting every clue leading up to your disappearance.

Really, do it for those poor bastards. No one enjoys talking about the-time-he-spooned-me-all-night for the fortieth time.

Think of all the ears you can save.

*Name has been changed