#thegemini

I decided to come on Tumblr due to the recent eruption of feeling lost with the current state of the world and this recent domino effect of emotions and personal issues that have forced me into a state of self reflection in order to keep my sanity.

This returning to Tumblr and this almost "foreign" feeling of scrolling through this app and interacting with its community makes me very nostalgic for 10 years ago - nostalgic especially to my loss of passion for storytelling.

I've read through reviews that have asked me to continue and finish stories I had written so long ago, but I can barely remember the direction my chaotically imaginative mind wanted me to go in the first place...

I want to finish those works, I really do, but it's so hard to start again from a middle that abruptly stopped due to the loss of passion in the first place.

Somehow, I also lost a big piece myself with that loss of passion and this inner self-destructive mindset took over and pulled me from the path of creativity that I had so dearly enjoyed.

Life and its curveballs has this uncanny ability to knock you down and keep you pinned down. It truly is a formidable opponent to a successful or even happy ending.

Gosh, I am rambling, but really, how long has it been since I typed out a mindless rant on this blank canvas that is Tumblr? I've missed it. I've missed the opportunity for creativity. I've missed the inspiration of the fascinating creativity of this community (though the trolls I can definitely do without...).

And I hope, returning to this app, finding inspiration through gorgeous art, the exploration of plotlines and development, and the shared love of a hobby or muse, will help me find my creative spark again.

It's an ongoing process. But hopefully, a goal is reached by the end of it.

If you still follow me, I hope you're well. Thank you to anyone who ever took the time to check in with me. I admit to my sudden and swift abandonment of those who were genuinely interested in my works and I apologize for my ghosting. At the time, my self-removal from writing had been needed.

Baby steps. Have no fear. Remember. And embrace this part of my life with fondness and reverence.

One is from LA and the other from Philadelphia. One is smart and the other Wise. One is trashy by way of culture and the other respectable and clean by way of knowledge.

I know.

I’ve always known.

Truth.

Consequences are tied to factual truth.

Not your personal truth.

Words are bond.

There is always a choice.

There is no running from fate once you’re on the road.

It is written.

It is done.

Nothing’s going to harm you, not while I’m around.

I am not.

The taste of sweetness, it sets me free.

Unworthy and unable to accept the self.

So you tried to lie to me.

As if I ever believed in any of your tales.

Karma takes it’s time, but it delivers well.

Setting up its pieces for the right time.

I have my freedom back! Absolutely. Finally!

Thanks for checking. I appreciate the respect.

Non attachment has taught me to let go of expectations for what is to come and instead welcome what is happening each and every moment as it happens.

I thought I moved far from the road to enlightenment when I found myself in a situation that obliterated my plans in January. Little did I know—the new plan was one The Universe had in store for me. I lost the opportunity to have my daughters with me again, and started living in a place where I did not want to be. I decided to have fun and live fully in the company I was surrounded with, since there was nothing I could do in that moment in time. Life made me live through that, otherwise I would have been allowed to go on with my original plans. I fought it and I allowed absolute freedom to the people around me, but in our freedom, we ultimately still chose each other. The lesson is authentic unconditional love.

I am still learning; The lessons are becoming tests as I reach the beginning of my Saturn Return. The practice tests I’ve ran with for the last 2 years will help me get that which I thought would come at 50. Peace, love and stability.

In my freedom I still choose him and in his, he chooses me. That is all that matters for now. That’s the best kind of love. If the day comes when we don’t choose each other anymore, that will be fine too—because that is love. Wanting what is best for the person you love.

If I had not had these lessons with my own kin, I would not have been able to find a resolution to romantic love. Through the pain, I became invincible to the torture of the brain.

Nothing matters.