#theforceawkens

The hatch closed to the cockpit before the X-Wing took off, following in pursuit of a TIE fighter. Winding and twisting through the air, guns blazing, when a command shuttle emerges from no where.

Red slashes through the picture cutting to fire licking at metal, causing the paint to bubble and run, dripping, dripping...

...dripping...

Blood, bodies, a raspy respirator.

"NO" I scream out.

Someone was holding me upright in bed, my body was covered in a film of sweat and my chest heaved as I panted to catch my breath. He held me firmly, telling me it was a dream as I buried my head into his neck. The familiar, welcoming scent that reached my nose was calming, acting like a drug.

"It's not real Akana" His slightly husky voice was soothing to hear, bringing me back to reality. "You're okay" he pulls me in even tighter.

Something about the vision was unsettling, the emotions that flowed through me felt so real, as though it had happened that very moment. I could still see the fire, feel the heat, hear the respirator-

I shove away from the thing holding me "STAY AWAY!" I yell, my voice brittle. Tears threatened show their ugly face, but I fought them back.

"Hey," he reaches for me, trying to be reassuring "It's only me: Poe" he exhales trying to stay calm "your friend".

I can still hear it, the respirator, which is why I know he's not here and he's not real. It's a demon, my demon, wearing Poe's face, using his body. I want this to be real, to feel his embrace, but I can't ignore the raspy mechanical breathing echoing around my head, around the room.

"Liar! You're in my head" I choke out, frustration at the never ending cycle hitting me.

It lunges for me, pushing me against the wall, hands around my neck; cutting the oxygen off. Clawing at his hands, I fight for my life; unfamiliar voices echoing all around, accompanied by another vision of a man. I've seen that face before, but where? He's not alone.

"You and I can rule the galaxy" I manage to draw in a breath,"I don't know you any more...". My lungs are on fire, burning like the flames before, "...You're breaking my heart..." A few seconds until I die, I try to kick out at it, but it's useless to fight. "...You're going down a path I can't follow..." I want to scream, to tell the voices to stop, to cry out for help. Twenty seconds. "Stop. Stop now and come back... I love you" I can feel her pain: betrayal, fear, heart break. "LIAR!" Fifteen seconds: my vision blurs "NO. No. A-Anakin" I feel her life force dwindle, love cannot withstand hate. "Breathe Padmé..." I need to breathe. Is it time to give up? Can I even die in my mind?

"Breathe" Ten seconds...

I narrow my eyes and drop my hands, as I focus all my energy on it: on moving its body away from mine. Moving my hand ever so slightly from my side and clenching it, I push towards it. I feel a suction around me as it flies through the air , its head hitting the far wall before falling limp and lifeless to the ground.

I too fall the ground, the mechanical breathing growing insanely loud. Am I insane? I clamp my hand around my ears in a feeble attempt to block it out, but its in my head, resonating from the darkest depths.

I scream.

I'm awoken with a jolt from my own nightmares. A cold sweat across my skin, I half expected Poe to be here, for the sound of the respirator, for the voices.

Nothing. Everything is quiet, apart from my ragged breathing. The base is sleeping, maybe a few left awake in the control room, carrying out their duties, but I can't hear anything.

I lie in bed a while longer before the quiet drives me crazy- I can't win, everything drives me crazy, including him. Even my dreams show me him, night after night, torturing my soul.

As I slip my feet out of bed onto the cold metal beneath, I shiver and reach for my clothes, yanking them on over my body before lacing my boots. I don't feel warm, but the shivers have stopped.

Not bothering to switch the light on, I grope my way through the dark bedroom, finally finding the door. The metal door is smooth to the touch as my hand starts feeling up and down for a handle.

"What the-" frustration strong in my voice. "Where's the bloody handle!?" I slam my hands against the metal, before realising my stupidity.

I slide the black box on the wall, revealing a keypad. Quickly I enter the four-digits and the door slides open. I always lock the door so it doesn't open automatically, which is stupid because I'm still getting used to the base and how things work.

Still not knowing my way around, I take a chance and turn right down the corridor, heading towards the big metal door separating the sleeping quarters from the rest of the base. It's dimly lit, due to it being night, and I'm alone, as I mostly always am. Human contact isn't something I appreciate as I spent most of my life in solitude, not able to communicate. The only time I really interact is when I'm doing my job or I'm spoken too. People leave me alone because of who I am and what I can do, or rather what I can't do, which is controlling myself. They're scared, and its for the best. Everyone is safe that way.

Only a few have tried to know me, one being Leia, I guess out of everyone she knows the most. And then there is him, but he's not here and I miss him. I need him. He's the only person that I've ever been close too, so much so that I feel sick without him. But he's gone and I'm not sure if he'll ever come back.

As I approach the door, it slides open as it should, and reveals a brightly lit corridor.

"Left or right?" I say to myself, this is where I get lost. Both ways look the same, but I take left for no reason other than my feet start moving that way.

As I make my way down the corridor and pass the corner, the lights start to flicker. Instinctively moving to the wall, pressing my back against it, I tell myself "Everything's fine" and try to regulate my once again rapid breathing.

"Stop being stupid!" I am insane though, anyone who saw me now talking to myself would agree.

Taking a deep breath I carry on down the corridor, when suddenly the lights turn off behind me one-by-one. I start running, the lights catching up behind me-

Darkness.

I can see nothing, hear nothing, feel nothing.

A high pitch whistle resonates from the end of the corridor I had been running towards, making me clamp down on my ears, kneeling on the floor. I let out a scream, just to drown out the noise.

Did I not wake up? Was my mind playing a trick to make me believe it had ended, was the worst yet to come?

"NO!" I yell, standing on my feet.

Silence.

Standing still wasn't getting me anywhere, so again I resort to groping my way through the dark. I can't help but think what's next? What horrors can my messed up mind-

I dodge the Lightsaber that swipes mere centimetres away from my face, in a rage of red. The cloaked figure wielding it, is visible only from the Lightsaber's illumination. He takes another swing, followed by another, before I start to run.

My breathing rings in my ears, matched only by the pumping of my heart. I dare to glance back, thankfully I can't see the awful red glow.

"Akana..."

The voice makes me stop dead in my tracks. It's soft, like a summers breeze, but it strikes dread into my heart.

"Akana."

I hear the wheezing and clicking of the the mechanical breathing.

"No Anakin" it's getting nearer "I am your father" I can here Luke shout in denial "AKANA!" it's coming for me. "You're breaking my heart"

"Breaking my heart"

"Breaking my heart"

"Breaking my heart"

"Breaking my-"

My hands clamp over my ears, an automatic response, I feel dizzy as I turn around and yell in surprise: Before me stands a woman, short, with brown hair braided down her back.

Screams of children echo around, as a Lightsaber is energised and the woman turns around, hands around her neck, before falling to the floor.

Screams, her screams. "Breathe Padmé ." Followed by a baby's cry.

I look at the woman before me, lying still. Am I supposed to be scared? I'm filled only with sorrow and pity. Who is she? The screaming stops, leaving the baby crying for its mother.

I'm crouched on the floor, in the middle of the corridor, eyes shut, hands over my ears, when I feel a hand grab my shoulder.

"Miss, is everything all right?" I hear as I take my hand from my ears.

Slowly I open my eyes, the lights are back on and a man is standing in front of me, his uniform is neatly pressed and smelt clean. He obviously values his job here with the Resistance, which most do, all but me. I don't really have one.

I smile at him, "No, I'm fine. Just felt a little light headed and needed to stop moving for a bit." I lied. No need to tell him I'm going crazy and seeing things - all the time!

I stood up slowly, faking being unstable on my feet, grabbing the man's arm for support.

"Think I'll be okay now" I flash him a wide smile again, "Thank you".

Before he could answer, I start moving down the corridor, the metal door in sight. It slid open as a few officers walked out, taking a left away from me.

Moving at a faster pace, I walk through the door, it immediately shutting behind me. I hate hydraulic doors.

Inside this room, the command room, were multiple control desks and screens surrounding a hologram projector which was situated in the middle. Around which, was the person I was looking for, turning off what was probably a top secret transmission, before I could see it.

"General Organa" she turned as I addressed her, "Is it possible to speak with you?"

She must have seen desperation in my eyes, because the pitiful look she gave me hurt.

"You know you don't have to call me that when we're alone" she smiles, trying to reassure me "I've known you for a long time now, since you were very small..."

She turns away from me, as if she were seeing something from her past. "I know I'm not your mother, but you're the daughter I never had. You remind me of myself..." she shakes her head, dismissing the thought, before turning her attention to me "... a younger version though."

Sentiment is wasted on me, after everything I've been through, it's the last thing I need or want.

"General Organa, I was wondering if-"

She sighs loudly cutting me off, "There's no word." She doesn't look at me.

"None?" All my hope was stock piled into to this last question, a feeble plea for her to tell me something. Anything.

Her silence diminishes my last resolve. "Then there's no hope..." I slump into a chair at a command desk.

The overwhelming feeling of loss hurt more than previous losses I've experience. Why did he leave? God I wish he hadn't, I wish he was here with me now. I can't even feel him any more, he's shrouded in darkness.

My face must have changed, because the next thing I know, General Organa is by my side. "What is it?"

"Nothing" I dismiss the feeling.

"You feel something," she crouches to my level "let it in, use it."

We've had this discussion before, each time I get angry and storm out. And now... I feel my anger building. The Darkness is a constant threat and I can't control my anger.

I stand up and start to walk away, before I say something I didn't mean.

"Luke would have shown you how to control your anger." General Organa states. "But you should not ignore the feeling"

"I don't have the Force." I snap back, my words as sharp as a blade. "I'm messed up! Driven crazy from everything that's happened to me."

"That's the easy path, to decide you're crazy. Hell thirty years ago I would have agreed, but then I met Luke, my brother. I saw him become more powerful, using the force for good" she stares at me, reason in her eyes "the Force surrounds us and everything, but you can use it."

Deep down I know she's right, but to admit it, the visions, the feelings, surely they would come to pass. I've had enough horror for a life time, no more.

"You're wrong I-" I stop and stare, the feelings returned, but stronger. Death. Panic. Darkness.

"What is it? Tell me." General Organa says once more, staying where she is, waiting for me to come back to reality.

"He's in danger, the Darkness, it's so close, shrouding him. I can't feel him any longer Leia, I can't... I... I t-think he's gone." there are no tears that threaten, only the aching pain in my chest. "Where did you send him?"

The General turns around to face the hologram projector in the middle of the room, pushing a button on the side. Projected before my eyes is the lonely desolate hell hole of Jakku, Poe's tracker signal beeps from his star fighter.

"He might still be alive" the whisper escapes my lips, only just audible to the General.