#thefiller

It was deep. The pavement became a kind of resting place for my forehead. I breath in... out......... and again. My mind raced; my body was overtaken. I had not felt a thing. All I could think, "If I lose anymore blood! ANYMORE!" As it gushed from my arm. All the pain, every emotion sparing fear, was gone from me. I grab the spare shirt I had in my bag, wrapping it around my wrist.

"Promised," I spit out incomprehensible excuses of syllables, of word, as I cried. "you promised, you.... you promised you wouldn't let this journey get to you." Yet here I stood, pouring the very liquid I cherished. Becoming a hypocrite, becoming a statistic, becoming just like rest. I pull myself together. After gaining not only my composure, but also regaining my will and wit, I retrieve my first aid kit. I take an anti-inflammatory.As I realize I am running low not only on food but also medical supply, I remind myself of my purpose. Beyond the hills, 3 hours from the "tattered skyscraper" there was a house with lights, with our forefathers power. And it is there were my love slept, drank, and waited.

Time seemed to freeze. A kind of timid beam shown through the still dusty clouds. The ground began to, almost, melt with each of my steps, crumbling into a sand like dust. The true strain of war stretched beyond the horizon. I began to worry, do to my exposure to this air. When i finally found my mask, only then did i feel safe enough to continue. So on i continued through the land we called "flattened hills", after its current, and past appearance. There was not much but dust and rock for miles. Each hour that past, I would reward myself with one of the depleting peace of jerky.

Finally I can see the edge of Spout Wood. Its beauty, its position gave me hope. It was an image of nature's ability to spring back from devastation. And so the ground began to soften, yet become more solid and sturdy. My hunger pains became more unbearable, as it twinged my gut. My mind drifted away to ease my suffering. Again i see the image of my beloved. I long for our connection, I daydream of our dance and our fight.

I notice new bushed, ones i did not see upon my departure from the lit houses. Some of the older bushes began to bare fruit ripe for the picking. I collect what i was familiar with, eating a few and saving the rest. Upon the wild land i find rich soil to sow as an offering to the earth for her blessing.Plants I was not so keen too i picked and skin tested. I dared not take even a small amount into my mouth for fear of not making it to my home. I began to notice the robust trees and vines. I record each in its abundance and likeness to known plants.

Again I am off, but the sun is coming to west. It is now moments from the horizon, so time is of the essence. Light be blinding, but the moon be sight to predators driven hungry by our selfishness. And be it many braver men than I who have filled their belly. Finally i find and open, firm, and flat ground to tent. I set many defensive traps. Anyone out here i don't want to run into roaming at night.

Morning came with no disturbance, no beast nor monster. I let myself eat more then i need for breakfast, but had plenty more to last. By suns decent i should have reach my destination. Then i will tell my heart that i was taken by the solitude of crossing the uncured lands. How i dared to take my life in the grip of its poisoned air. I filled with self pity and sorrow. I had in this moment betrayed my way, betrayed my people.

I have no predecessor and i vowed myself to destroy this art that humankind so desperately need and flourishes on. In this time of selfishness we need to confide in selfless endeavor. These were my own words. I felt guilt rise in my belly, but it fueled me. It rebounded into action, i must return home. Return to my sweet and handsome divine.

At the edge f the tattered city i notice vines with berries beginning to creep into its decaying streets. In the mist that was trapped in its corner i hunted. The sound of a beep that screeched in the shadowy gloom. I keep eye for this creature but i never find it. Instead i record its distinct ominous cry. I also collect plant material and pellets i believe to be its feces. I feel the excitement rush through me for the discover i know is a step.

Now only two hours from the tattered skyscraper. In its chambers house the largest population know of blue monkey. As i know i must be careful not to upraise them. They were known as thieve but were actually quite kind if they found you deserving of respect. Often, when food was scarce, you could find them at the edges of the lit housed begging. They are very intelligent creatures; i have learned they can even remember faces. On a few occasions one will return the favor and bring offerings of shiny rocks and germinated seeds.

When i did approach their lair, i announce my presence with a squeak. I use a consistent call so they remember me. I throw my hands in the air showing i have nothing as a weapon. Slowly as some come to greet me, I show them some seeds i found. The few whom have learned of their importance are excited, most others however greet me with hugs and the occasional tug on my secure possessions out of curiosity.

After long hours of watching them, I have learned some of their sign language. A small tilt of the head backward and with a simple shaking of the head means "give me some space". They begin to go back to their duties of maintenance, foraging for tools and observation, they are attentive. I carry on.