#theexiledgeneral

“Uhhh, the most?” Atton echoed. “That would definitely be the last one.” He paused, giving her a knowing look, and saw that he didn’t need to say Malachor V. This was tricky territory, so he reminded himself not to be careless with his words. He made an effort to keep his tone light and conversational. “Which also coincides with the end of my military pilot career. Good thing I prefer flying light freighters, huh?”

Snapshots of memories flashed in his mind. The red warning lights flashing. The proximity and systems alerts blaring. The sight of disabled ships veering wildly, too many to count descending into the crushing pull of the grav field.

“I had some distance thanks to the Corvette we came in on. We were focused on the outliers and new arrivals mostly, and were having some pretty decent runs, considering... everything.” It was a rose-colored summary if ever there was one, but he just dismissed it as a leftover habit from those days, even if it felt weird now. His face went blank for a moment as he remembered the intense comms chat before everything went sideways - both the brief victories and more often, that eerie silence of a hail left hanging when there was no one left to reply. “It was a helluva crazy ride when that MSG activated. The fighter I was in was fresh and highly maneuverable though, which no doubt saved my ass.” He looked at her, trying to gauge the reception of his reply.

#12 “Please don’t do this.”

The conversation as they walked back to the Hawk was mostly her wondering with many amusing and colorful expletives why she’d ever bothered trying to help in the first place. Though he was still a little surprised by what he’d just seen her do and by her increasingly violent behavior in general, Atton listened dutifully. On the whole he found himself agreeing more than he probably should. But when they got to the top of the Hawk’s ramp, he tugged her sleeve to get her to wait.

“I feel like I have to say this, but I’m only gonna say it once,” he said. “Y’know, just for the record and all. Um, when we first met you had some pretty shiny ideals, and now you seem hellbent on demolishing them. Not that I’m complaining, exactly? But… Alright, I’m just gonna say it. Please don’t do this.” That got her attention, since he rarely used the word please so earnestly. She looked amused at first, before she realized he wasn’t kidding.

A primal surge Atton could only describe as a roar grew as the Force unfurled inside of him, flooding his senses with light, awareness and life. All of this, but it was pure terror that gripped him. The memory of his first glimpse of the Force had been fresh on his mind, that assault of insight and retribution a Jedi determined to save him had shoved down his throat.

He relived it all as something like a sensory spectator as every closed door in his twisted hallway mind was flung open, but there were two important distinctions: this time he’d chosen this, and Tam was here. On the periphery of his panic he could feel her presence in a way that intimacy as a concept didn’t seem to cover. He wanted to drown in that feeling for a while, but there was too much of everything. Every good thing, every bad thing, every connection. The connection. Sweet Mother of Pazaak, the connection. Could he really do this? I take it back! Did he say that out loud? Maybe it was irrational but he gave in to the strong impulse to cradle his skull in his trembling hands to keep it from shattering.

“Aw, for the love of spice, Tam. Talk about a mood killer.” His grumbling was half-hearted, though the subject was one he tended to avoid, even in his own mind. His gaze darted away and back a few times while he assembled the dusty, disjointed memories for her.

“Uh, okay. I told you about seeing him in a Sith uniform in the cantina on Korriban? Right. Well, a few months after that, I heard he was dead. The official report listed him as KIA. No details. It was weird, but not unheard of. Still, I didn’t buy it then and I’m not sure I buy it now, especially since they never recovered the body.” He shrugged a shoulder. “I guess given his assignment the explosives could’ve got him in some friendly fire thing, but it wouldn’t have been the first bait and switch con he pulled in order to disappear. Like father, like son, huh? In that regard. Only that one.” A frown ghosted over his features as a stab of anger rose and fell. Comparing himself to his father was a bad habit that led to nothing but misery, he reminded himself. He cleared his throat and continued.

“Anyway, I figure it was either a ruse because he couldn’t hack being a Sith, or his own unit took him out for being a generally useless bastard. These are Sith troops we’re talking about. Either way, he’s dead to me. The particulars and finer points don’t matter that much.” He offered a tight smile, which warmed somewhat when he met her eyes again. The past was the past. She was his present, and that’s what mattered.

Oh you've definitely got a few other good skills I like to put to use. *winks* (also I love this ask/response so much!)

Atton froze for a moment, then holstered the blaster he’d just finished reassembling. He stared at her, his inner monologue pointing out that Tam already knew things he hadn’t told anyone still living, so why was his impulse to-

“I was just about to go check that condenser leak.” Scrubbing his hand through his hair, he headed quickly for the door.

He made it as far as the threshold.

Toe of his boot tap, tap, tapping against the deck, his jaw clenched tight, he cursed the part of him that had resolved to be more open with her. Habitual fleeing the scene of little conversation crimes aside, the knowledge settled over his mind, undeniable: he’d felt just a little lighter after nearly every meaningful conversation with her. Damn, this intimacy thing was hard.

“Kat,” he managed to say, annoyed with how choked it sounded. How long had it been since he’d said her name aloud? He couldn’t even count the years. Clearing his throat, he turned to face Tam.

Man, as badly as I want this I kinda just want them to leave KotOR alone after what they did with the lore in SWtOR. My headcanon is already so different ��

In fairness since Chris Avellone isn’t at Obsidian anymore, maybe we can just hope EA loses the star wars license and Chris can start a Kickstarter for Kotor 3 the way Obsidian developed pillars of eternity? XD

I had hoped that he’d rejoin just for the KotOR 3 project but this is good too. Yes, this hope is the New Hope now. XD Especially if he brings David Gaider along as promised.