#theduchesswrites

From the beginning, Mike and El were positioned as the main romance of the show. Their dynamic in Season One is "E.T. if Elliott found a superpowered girl his age instead of an alien." In that film, Elliott and E.T. are presented as tethered by a supernatural force, effectively soulmates, even if in a platonic sense. Stranger Things recontextualizes it as a romance. (Seriously, the Duffers love E.T., and it's especially clear in Season 1 with the sheer number of homages.) Marketing for Season 2 teased Mike and El's reunion, while Season 3 highlighted their growing relationship. Even in Seasons 4 and 5, where they were separate for a lot of it, the marketing teased more of them being together than not. And ultimately, they got the Purple Rain scene. The production team wouldn't have spent the time and money required to license a Prince song if they didn't believe this was an important love story.

Whether the show portrayed their story well is up to the viewer to decide, of course. But the lengths to which shippers will go to say their preferred pairing is, in fact canon? It's not analysis, or at the very least, not critically thought-out analysis.

The term media literacy gets thrown around a lot these days. On one hand, I'm glad that young people are becoming more concerned about analyzing the media they consume. On the other, I seriously worry that the analysis is often shallow or poorly constructed.

Yes, it's important to examine mise-en-scène. And yes, it's important to be able to understand the meaning behind an homage without necessarily being familiar with the source material.

Of course, I think the way to interpret Mike and El's kiss is still pretty straightforward: During 3x07, as he's tending to El's wounds in an aisle at Bradley's Big Buy, he's trying to explain to El that he's been possessive over her because he's in love with her. Unfortunately, he struggles to say it to her face. Even when he'd blurted it out to the others a few hours before, he had a very clear "Oh shit" expression on his face. The shock on Mike's face in 3x08 comes from the reality that El has no problem saying it. The Duffers are very, very big into the idea that girls mature faster than boys.

That aside, it isn't unimportant to understand homage, especially when a show like Stranger Things is deliberately constructed as a pastiche of the films of the 1970s and '80s.

The first is that Will is "owed" Mike in some way, or he at least deserves the chance to express his feelings for him. As an adult who's been in more than one long-term relationship, I cannot express how shortsighted this sentiment is.

First of all, Mike isn't a "prize" for Will. Even if Will is in love with him, even if Will were a girl, Mike isn't a "reward" for Will. Frankly, this is incel logic.

Also, canon!Mike is in love with and in a committed relationship with El. As long as Mike expresses to Will that he wants to be with El — which he does ad nauseam, especially in Season 4 — then Will has the only answer he needs: Mike doesn't reciprocate. It's actually incredibly selfish to put someone who's already in a committed relationship on the spot and express your feelings for them.

Canon!Will knows this. He's empathetic and emotionally intelligent. Even in Season 5, where his catching Robin and Vickie making out leads him to temporarily short circuit and see if Mike reciprocates, he immediately takes the hint.

More to the point, Will is deserving of love, but he isn't owed any specific person. That goes for all of us.

There are other people who say Mike is a bad partner to El, but would magically be redeemed if he were to date Will.

Some of these are from young queer people who simply want more representation in mainstream media. I agree, there needs to be more, but I honestly doubt straight people's ability to write coming out arcs. We saw how much the Duffers fumbled Will's, and it's been a pattern in many, many shows over the years.

These shippers aren't thinking about the deeper implications of what they're advocating for. Here's the thing: I don't think Mike is a bad boyfriend to El, but if I did, then I'd say that Will would deserve a better boyfriend than Mike.

Why?

Abusive people do not change for the "right" person. Will, a canonical victim of CSA and homophobia who is also introverted and empathetic, deserves a partner who gets him from the outright.

It bears repeating: I don't think Mike is an abusive boyfriend by any means. If I did, I wouldn't ship him with anyone.

There are also the Will Byers stans. These people often identify with Will or simply infantilize him, as some young women and girls do with queer men. (Not all Will fans are women and girls, but it's a large portion, especially the most vocal section.) Even though they don't like canon!Mike, Finn Wolfhard is hot, so they really want to see Mike and Will get together anyway.

This leads to them going the extra mile. It also requires a lot of mental gymnastics, which inadvertently leads to the following:

Ableism: El is slow, she's BSY when she's a goddamn child, that she still doesn't even know what sex is by Season 5

Misogyny: Mike liked her in S1 because her short hair reminded him of a boy, labeling her as BSY from the time that she's 12, dismissing her trauma when talking about her relationship with Mike

General IDK: A lot of Will stans claim they love El, but say that anyone who thinks she's still alive at the end of the series is delusional. That's because a lot of them would rather an abused girl be dead than alive and *possibly* have a chance, no matter how remote, of reuniting with the person she loves one day. Can't have that when shipping is involved, amirite?

Byler Twitter is, as one would imagine, a cesspool. Tweets celebrating El "dying" get hundreds, if not thousands, of likes. One tweet begging for a link to a fanfic where Mike tries to kill El got over two thousand likes. This isn't funny. It's just misogyny.

Byler Tumblr isn't much better. In fact, I'd argue that the latter can be even worse since, as adults, they should know better. (At this point, Tumblr users are often older than Twitter users.)

I'll end this by saying that, of course, most Byler shippers don't partake in this behavior. Unfortunately, of the few that do, some are the most visible within the subfandom. This creates a feedback loop.

Ted Wheeler's comments in Season 1: Shippers use two scenes, one in the first episode during a Wheeler family dinner and another near the end of the season, as "evidence" that Ted suspects his son is gay.

The thing is, the text doesn't support that.

In the first episode, Ted's "See what happens, Michael?" moment comes after Mike rats out Nancy for dating Steve, causing a scene at the dinner table where Nancy ultimately storms off. Byler shippers say that Ted is warning Mike that he'll get kidnapped like Will, who's rumored to have been kidnapped by a predator, but Ted is very clearly telling Mike not to be such a snitch.

The other moment is, when the agents come to the house, and Ted is incredulous that Mike is even around a girl, let alone hiding one in the house. This isn't Ted shocked that his son could be into girls. This is Ted being surprised that his son, who's nerdy, emotional, and bullied for his appearance, could have a girl be into him. (Ted's kind of an ass, remember?)

"It's not my fault you don't like girls!": This is, absolutely, one of Mike's worst moments during the series, and it's one that shippers tend to recontextualize to make their ship more palatable. "Mike is just projecting!"

The thing is, right before Mike says this line, he snaps at Will for calling El a "stupid girl." El is, in-universe, Mike's sole focus. Even when he's upset with her, he never lets his friends insult her. This is a big part of the conflict with Lucas in Season 1! Also, Will spends a lot of the season before this complaining about everyone else being paired up, and that morning even says they'll have a day "free of girls" and play D&D. Will makes it very, very clear he's not interested in getting a girlfriend. Mike obviously knows that Will has faced homophobia, but given Mike’s devotion to El, he's thinking about and standing up for her above all else. He isn't thinking about Will's struggles at this point. If anything, he just thinks that Will isn't maturing fast enough. Does that make him an asshole? Maybe, but if it does, then maybe Will shouldn’t want to be with him.

The Big Kiss at the End of S3: Earlier in the season, Mike blurts out that he loves El, then looks shocked with himself. He doesn't think El overheard, since she was in the other room. Later, he tries to explain that he loves her as he's tending to her wounds, but he can't say the word. He's sputtering and stammering because, well, he's an awkward teenager. Months later, El brings it back up, and Mike again tries to deflect. She reveals that she not only heard him that day, but she reciprocates, and without hesitation, gives him a big smooch. He's struggled for months to articulate his feelings, but El has no problem doing it. His brain is effectively short-circuiting as she kisses him. As she walks off, his expression isn't one of disgust. It reads as "Oh my God, did that just happen?"

Painting Gate: Ooh boy, this is one of the big ones. From a Doylist perspective, it's one of the biggest indicators that the Duffers just don't pay attention to what they write. But even from a Watsonian perspective, it's not the smoking gun that so many seem to think it is.

Let me explain.

At the beginning of Season 4, it's strongly hinted that Will has feelings for Mike. El says in a letter to Mike that she thinks Will is painting something for a girl, but when we see him bring it to the airport, it's obvious it's for Mike. When Mike actually arrives and hugs/kisses El and has an awkward interaction with Will, it's clear they haven't been in close contact since Joyce moved the family out to California. That's confirmed at Rink-O-Mania, where Will confronts Mike over the fact that El has a "box of letters" from him, while they've barely communicated. But back to the airport scene, we see Will rethink gifting Mike the painting, since the reality hits him that Mike is in love with El.

"What about the scene in the van that uses the Playing Cyrano trope? Huh?"

I'm going to need you all to take a deep breath, because I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this is not an example of Playing Cyrano. In order for it to be the case, El would need to specifically recruit Will to express her feelings for Mike, who would then fall in love with Will's words.

Objectively, that's not what happens, either from an authorial perspective or a critical perspective.

During the infamous van scene, Mike explains to Will that he's worried El is going to break up with him once she gets her powers back, because he feels he doesn't have anything to offer her. Will, who already understands that Mike doesn't reciprocate his feelings, decides to use the moment as an opportunity to remind Mike that El loves him for who he is.

From the night they meet in the woods, Mike treats El with humanity in a way she's unaccustomed to. Even before she reveals to the Party that she has powers, Mike listens to her. When she tells him not to involve his mom, he doesn't doubt her. He asks her to explain and trusts her.

It's established from Season 1 that El mourns the girlhood that was stolen from her. She looks around Nancy's room and realizes this is a life she should have. When the Party gives her a makeover, she gives a sly smile when Mike calls her pretty, but it's when she sees her reflection that she's actually seeing her real self. Mike sees and loves who El is. Even when she ditches the wig, he doesn't hesitate to reaffirm that he thinks she's beautiful.

Season 1 also establishes that El sees herself as a monster, which is common for abuse victims, but Mike sees her inherent humanity and reaffirms her goodness. This is a pattern throughout the series: In Season 3, Mike is upset with the Party because they're dependent on El. While the narrative frames him as unreasonable, I find it's reflective one of his best attributes: He views people for who they are, especially El. He has the most powerful person in the world right in front of him, in love with him, and all he wants is for her to be safe.

Meanwhile, El watches over Mike as he calls every night for 353 days. She chooses to go back to him and the Hawkins crew after she leaves for Chicago. In Lenora, she has that Mike Box, which, if odd (y'all would have an anyuresm watching Hey Arnold!) is a sign that he's her safe space.

If that's not love, well...

Anyway, back to the painting.

At the beginning of Season 4, it's established that Will is sympathetic to El, but even he realizes that he's not doing everything he can to support her. Remember: El is going to a public high school without any formal education. She's emotionally intelligent and intellectually curious. We see how much effort she puts into her schoolwork! But again, she was deprived of a very basic formal education. (An oxymoron, I know!)

Will doesn't stand up for her when she's being harassed in class. He doesn't call out her bullies when they destroy her diorama outside. When she's assaulted at Rink-O-Mania, he complains to Mike about how El has been lying to him that she's doing well.

Once she's arrested, Will is finally able to act. He advocates for her at the police station. He happily joins the road trip to rescue her. Once they meet her in Nevada, they share an emotional hug.

Will loves both Mike and El, and he's emotionally mature enough to accept that they're in love with each other. As a signal of his continuing maturation — in contrast to Season 3, where he was scared of growing up — he reaffirms Mike and El’s feelings for one another.

Yes, Will uses the painting to make his point, but he's coming to the realization that he and El are more similar than he'd acknowledged.

Yes, Mike's vision of his future has the painting, but this can just as easily be interpreted as an affirmation of his and Will's friendship. (More on that in a sec.)

I realize that's not necessarily a satisfying answer for many young queer viewers, but as a counter point, I present this fantastic video from 2022.

Also, I'm bisexual and remained closeted until I was 27 and already in the M/F relationship I'm in now. I was raised Catholic and felt conflicted about my sexual identity for many years. Spare me the lecture about how I believe that young queer viewers don't deserve to see themselves reflected in media. It's disingenuous.

By the way, from a filmmaking perspective, I've seen a lot of Byler shippers compare the shot where Will is in the middle of Mike and El's embrace to the scene where Robin watches Vickie and Dan (disposable love interest) embrace. Here's the thing (and I need to shout out JD on TikTok): the cinematography is markedly different in each scene. The Mike/El scene makes El the focus, and she comes to notice that Will — part of her chosen family, in contrast to the dying Brenner, whom El rejects — is nearby. Meanwhile, the Robin/Vickie scene makes Robin the focus, as she's forced to accept that Vickie is already in a relationship, but still internally angsts.

MWTFDYDG: An abbreviation for Mike what the fuck did you do gate, MWTFDYDG is Byler shippers' attempt to explain why Will had momentary hope that Mike might reciprocate his feelings in S5.

Context is important: Will is closeted in 1980s Indiana. He knows he's gay, but he's still coming to the realization that queer people exist everywhere rather than as an abstract. When he sees Robin* and Vickie make out, his brain short circuits. He gets a moment of hope, perhaps something latent reawakening in him. And once Mike doesn't reciprocate his shove in the field, Will accepts, however sadly, that it's not going to happen.

When Will unleashes his powers at the end of Sorcerer, he remembers his early childhood with Mike. This mirrors Robin's own speech to him, but Robin's own speech affirms to Will that, even if the person he loves doesn't reciprocate, he is still worthy and whole. He thinks back to his youth and remembers his experiences with Mike, but also Joyce and Jonathan.

To those who are upset that Will doesn't get a reciprocated love interest until the epilogue boyfriend, I counter that he very clearly finds love as soon as he goes to college. I'd much, much rather be in his position than Mike's at the end of the show.

And to those who are upset that Mike's envisioned future has Will's picture on his wall without Painting Gate being addressed, I counter that Mike very clearly realizes who Will is talking about during the coming out scene (Will says "He's not like me" and the camera goes to Mike, who has a look of acknowledgement) and the subsequent conversation the two have in the Upside Down. His hanging the painting in his dorm is an affirmation of their friendship and bond.

Most importantly to Mike's envisioned future is that he's a writer and will tell everyone's stories. He types as he looks at El's picture. He believes he'll never see her again, yet he remains in love with her, and she remains his muse.

Again, I'd 100 percent rather be Will than Mike at the end of the series. Given the time period, that's saying a lot.

*BTW, I firmly believe that Robin is a girl's girl and, if she'd realized who Will had a crush on, would tell him to wait.

Mike struggles to tell El he loves her, and fails to say it to her at the end: Okay, this is one of the easiest, but it's also one of the most-cited.

On the surface, I get it. In Season 4, El needs Mike to tell her he loves her, since she's struggling with a sense of lost identity post-power loss and repressed trauma. He struggles to articulate his feelings to her face until she's in the midst of her battle with Vecna, and he sees she's struggling.

A lot of Byler shippers claim that Will tells Mike what to say, but that's just... wrong. Like, any credible teacher would mark off points when grading an essay.

Again, Will's arc in Season 4 is twofold: He's coming to terms with his sexual identity and learning how to welcome El into his family. When he tells encourages Mike, he's simultaneously letting go of his romantic love for Mike and reaffirming his familial love for El.

Anyway, Mike's speech to El calls back to their argument the day after the Rink-O-Mania incident. She tells him she fears that he thinks she's a monster, that he's afraid of her, and that he doesn't love her. He tries, in a way a teenager can, to dissuade her, but these situations are really fucking hard. (I've been in multiple long-term relationships and with my current partner for more than 3 years. Believe me, the Mike/El argument in Season 4 is actually incredibly adult in many ways.) Mike tries to comfort her by reminding her that she's a superhero, but El, who feels lost, worries that he only loves her powers. Of course, during the monologue, Mike affirms El that he loves her for who she is, not what she is, and that she's his superhero, which is distinct. He also explains that his inability to articulate his love for her is self-preservation out of fear that she'll leave him, since he feels inadequate.

During the final goodbye, Mike is seeing his biggest fear become a reality.

His biggest Vecna-attributed trauma is losing El at the end of Season 1, which Byler shippers protest, but here's the thing: Mike has always been tethered to El since the moment they met. At the end of Season 1, his final shot shows him looking at El's fort. He believes that she's gone, but he still yearns for her. In Season 2, we see a marked change in his behavior. His first scene shows him in the fort, waiting for El to call him. Karen lists out how he's had behavioral problems since the events of Season 1. We see him act hostile toward Max because he believes the Party is trying to replace El. In Season 3, he declares that he can't lose El again. In Season 4, he's afraid that El is going to decide he isn't enough and will leave him. By Season 5, he believes he and El can escape and have a happy life. Post-Vecna defeat and right before El's sacrifice, he's giving El the happiest expression possible. Our boy is absolutely ready to leave with his girl ASAP.

So when El (ostensibly) sacrifices herself, he goes into panic mode. We see him try to get the soldiers off him. He begs El to stay. As they kiss, he leans in and pulls her in. Once she pushes him out of the Void, he continues to try to escape the soldiers' grasp and repeatedly screams her name like a wild animal.

He's in a nightmare he can't wake up from.

For the record, I find this a cruel, misogynistic ending. The idea that an abused girl needs to go away for boys to become men and a cop to gain a healthy perspective on grief? And the person who is unconditionally in love with this girl needs to accept that his desire for a happy and safe future with her was a fantasy?

Fuck. That.

Okay, there are more counterpoints or things to bring up: I'm open! In good faith, I'm truly open to discussing text with people.

Then why make this post?: A lot of Byler shippers go extreme lengths to try to morally or intellectually justify their ship. I won't pretend to know why this is, if it's a modern thing with shipping, or if it's the logical endpoint to mainstream media denying queer viewers of fair representation. But the arguments that I've seen trying to present Byler as morally and intellectually superior are, at best, anti-intellectual. At worst, they're ableist, misogynistic, and subtly homophobic. (The "Mike subconsciously connected with El in Season 1 because of her short hair" talking point is eerily similar to what predatory straight men tell queer women who use toys or date butch women.)

I have my reasons for enjoying Mileven — the tenderness, the way it caters to the female gaze, the way it upends gender roles — but let it be known that if you ship Byler, I fully support you. (Even if I didn't, who cares what I think? I'm not your mom!) But the need to morally and intellectually justify the ship is performative at best and problematic at worst.

If you wish Stranger Things had presented a slow burn childhood friends-to-lovers romance, I understand. If you want more queer representation in mainstream media, then know that I'm right there with you.

That's why we need to fight for more, original representation. That way, we don't even need to recontextualize characters or storylines as queer. Instead, we'll have representation easily at our fingertips.

It might be an uphill battle, but if we band together, we can get there.