#thecodekeeper

“ FIRST OF ALL, I’m adaptable ; secondly, next to you a mop would seem dramatic. ”

       Despite his vague curiosity, Jack didn't care enough to try to wait out Teague's explanation. “ You know that I don't have my licence here yet, don't you? So if I drive all the way over to the police station to bail you out, the chief or sheriff or whoever is in charge of this speck of mud will just arrest me too. So, really, it was nice of you to think of me but, ” he managed to carry the phone over to the record player in the living room, before placing the needle down to play whatever record was already in there. Fortunately it was a good one. Surfin' USA by the Beach Boys started playing. Jack turned the volume up to maximum before speaking down the receiver again, shouting on purpose. “ I can't quite hear you. ”

    OUT OF BLACKBIRD. ( thank you for sending this! ) okay so this is going to come from my experiences so its going to sound very personal, but i know other people with bpd have different experiences ( the combination of symptoms varies ) so im not speaking for the bpd community as a whole.  splitting is a trauma response and in my experience one of the biggest triggers for me is perceived abandonment but it can also be if i mess something up , make a mistake , big or small i can split on myself. and sometimes even in relation to childhood trauma if something from the past is triggered.      splitting is an all or nothing sort of thing. black and white thinking. it distorts my thinking and comes with a fresh side of paranoia. Whilst i am getting better at managing it , it can heavily affect relationships. if i split on someone in the past , i struggle to remember all the positive traits of someone or myself ( if im splitting on myself , which happens a lot ) and can only see the negative. its all or nothing. my brain tricks me into believing perceptions rather than facts and it can be hard to pull myself out of that.    when i talk about billy splitting , i usually refer to a very specific scene because i can heavily relate to the way he’s thinking. ‘i never had anybody’. he was thoroughly convinced that was true despite there being proof throughout the show that he had frank and the castles and that they loved him. ive been in situations where ive felt exactly like billy. i have an amazing best friend who in those moments has helped me come back to reality and overcome that feeling but its not easy. it takes a hell of a lot of logic and observing the facts. therapy has helped me with that too.           to others , i imagine it looks like the person splitting has completely done a 180. they’re likely to not understand unless they know what’s going on. i’ve definitely in the past had situations where ive had to explain whats going on after its happened and of course apologised  meaningfully when my words or actions ( often ghosting , disappearing because i was convinced they were going to abandon me so i left first ) have caused hurt. the internal experience is very ...it’s a lot. it’s like sirens going off in my head. i can’t trust anyone - hell i can’t trust myself. i’ve often heard bpd described as having mental third degree burns and in some ways i can relate to that when i look back at moments ive split.          back to others perceptions - i’ve definitely seen splitting being demonized and felt that more than once. it’s usually when insults of ‘crazy’ and ‘insane’ come into play , there’s a reddit group that feeds of this ( and im not naming it bc its just..such a gross group ) and demonizes people with borderline and splitting often comes up. splitting is a trauma response but it’s also a defense mechanism in a way. to protect us from hurt and harm and abandonment. the problem is - it doesn’t work in that way and can cause us great harm to our relationships.    i’d also like to add that people often mistake splitting for being violent. that’s not the case for a lot of us. my anger tends to be directed at myself and i do not act violently towards other people. it’s a misconception that all people with bpd are violent. i can’t speak for everyone who has it of course and there are those who may be reactive in that way but personally i’m not and i know a few other people who also share a similar experience to me.  i hope this was helpful <3

         ❝ THEN YOU’VE KEPT AS TIGHT A HOLD  on mine as you do on your own. ❞  &  she laughs, the sound rough  &  harsh when it escapes from her throat. captain teague sometimes seemed more than just a man himself. his reputation preceded him, his attentions often singularly focused on his duties as keeper of the pirate code. it was rare that he came to tia dalma seeking help with matters of the heart. far more often he asked for her help navigating without stars, or keeping sirens at bay. but she could still remember the day she had given him the little crystal vial of her own tears to help blunt the sharp edges of his grief. on that day, teague had been nothing more than a man mourning his lost love, gone too soon.  &  she had given him something to help ease his sorrows, but it seemed that the good captain had not understood how to use it in the end. ❝ they didn’t work because tears only have the power to heal once they are released, ❞  she says, her tone incredulous. as if he should have known, as if it’s common knowledge.  &  the priestess taps her cheekbone just beneath her eye, the pattern of her tattoos wrinkling as she smiles. ❝ keep them trapped inside,  &  they can do nothing to help you. you must let them out if you ever hope to be free of them. ❞

        also the fact that they finally gave us the grown up willab/eth kid after ten years worth of fanfiction/headcanons and still didn’t give us mentor jack, only creepy, embarrassing uncle jack

@thecodekeeper     /     multimuse meme.

  YOU KNOW WHAT IS FUNNY IS THAT I AM 90% SURE OF WHY SHE IS SMILING HERE BUT I AM NOT SAYING A WORD ABOUT IT.But yes, I just- love her so much.

@thecodekeeper | s.c