// 2011 //

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Darkness post-dusk, in the night I visualize the stars: I wish upon each single one, occasionally on Mars. Way far away, deep in the vast skies, are the thoughts constantly rummaging and filtering through my mind. Look above past the bright cratered moon and often you’ll spot rain. Though my perception of this downfall  isn’t ordinary, perhaps it’s even insane -         These are tears shed around the world         representing all of the Earth’s pain.         All of the abuse, the heartbreak,         the stress and the strain.         Tears of the hungry and the lost,         tears developed from endless fears,         tears that streamed down the faces         of our planet’s people throughout the years.         Sometimes a poor start is given,         and sometimes a poor end is made,         but no matter what path brought the ending,         the simple goal of surviving is still the same.

So please promise me the next time you see the stars gleaming through the rain, you’ll remember that this represents the people who have shined through all the pain.

// 2012 // .

Distant from society, a closeness still, silence whispers in my ear, bombarding thoughts give a thrill. Happy in my own world, but missing out on yours; as if we’re in the same building, but on entirely different floors. As the pages of my story fill up, I press pause - stop - don’t press play, time moving so quickly, sometimes I want to travel back, rewind, reminisce the old days. Their glory, their flaws, all the things that made me grow. Going back to when nothing mattered, to when I knew everything I needed to know. When my life was just at home, when school was nothing but a game, when I could act however I wanted, without taking any blame. When I thought all songs had a chorus, and that all poems had to rhyme, when I never really realized, that my life was being timed. I look at myself here today knowing my heart is in what I write, but am I really who I want to be? Is the life I’m living really alright? Sometimes I wish I could go back and change how I spent some of my days, but then I sit and question that: maybe life today wouldn’t be the same? so for all of you boys and girls out there wishing to grow up really fast,  - press pause -      it’s okay. smile and embrace your childhood, do whatever you can to make it last. Because before you know it you’ll blink         - it’s gone -                and you won’t get to rewind. Only a timeline of memories will remain, of a life you’ll have to leave behind.

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Coffee stains upon my bed sheets, dusty novels resting on the floor, lipstick pressed upon my dry lips:     and I could not ask for more. It’s 6am and I feel alone:        but I do not feel lonely. The birds are singing as I hum along to the melody of the sunrise ahead.

// April 2016 //

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The first night I spent by your side (you may have a different recollection than I) was the start of something beautiful:     the beginning of the greatest adventure. You might remember the mint chapstick and the faint smell of cheap liquor upon my lips but I remember the way we kissed between laughter,       and the way we left it at just that. I believe it was that early on that I began falling you;     for your bright youthful eyes     and the most contagious of laughter. Repeatedly by many, I was told to stay away (everyone said you were one to play games)    but I never minded:                      I saw right through that  

 For I too,

           am good at charades. I thank myself every day for never giving up on you and thank you every day for even noticing me at all. I promised you that March that there was nothing to be afraid of,      and that promise will reign true             as we grow.

// 2015 //

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When you tell me all about your favorite things, I admit I fall deeper in love.

To watch you move to feel you breathe, I admit enough is never quite enough. I could look at you forever and when I do I do not call it staring, or judging, perhaps just observing..       a process of admiring        adoring,            noticing the little details.. feeling your soul       and falling harder with every glance. Someday at 3am you’ll be mine and you’ll be laying right by my side and I’ll glance over at you just like this     - at your clarity, your perfect face,               and I’ll pull myself closer.                       Close enough to kiss you                   not once, but ten times                       and feel you trickle down my bones.          At that very moment,             I know I’ll feel at home.

// 2015 //

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With breathtaking perfection you robbed me of my heart, and you handled it  so gracefully because you understood just how fragile it has become. You recognized many scars you could see my heart has been at war,    riddled with bullets of abuse:             gifting it so much hope             as you patched up the wounds. I won’t allow your heart to hurt like mine, and I’ll attempt to prevent even a frown, my love for you is only getting stronger and I’d really like to stick around....

// August 22 2018 //

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These past few nights I couldn’t help but wonder on repeat how you could ever doubt yourself  so often to the point where you’d give in to the demons when you’ve always been nothing but an angel to me. So full of life, so courageous - and that still stands as an honest truth. In fact - seeing your soul still keeping on, your damaged body pushing through after such an unfair war, simply proved how much courage you have running through your veins and trickling down your bones. If I could ask one favor of you, I’d ask you to please see yourself through my eyes       through OUR eyes, through the eyes of the many who love you so..       See that eager girl with the passion-filled strength to push on, with a generous heart made of the finest gold, with a body and soul of such iridescent beauty...

           please. Please look into the mirror when it’s hard to breathe, close your eyes, remember these words,           and see the you that I see. Only then will you know now just how important you are or how much I love seeing your smile, but also just how damn bad this world needs your presence here. 

// May 2016 //

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It was in my deepest depths of misery that I found myself laughing.            - I laughed in spite of myself, in spite of the waste of time I was wallowing in. Distracted by life’s atrocities, so blinded by the dark, not realizing that happiness was right outside my window,              begging to be let inside.