I am a terrible person for doing this, but 42: âI need a hug.â For Dan/Amy. Because Iâm sure whatever way you wound up using it would be hilarious.
Set post s7, could be seen as AU or canon divergent depending on how badly the writers cock up next season.
âWhat the hell?â Dan mutters the words, watching her from across the room.
He makes slow strides to approach her, but he stops himself just before he reaches her side, looking on as an intern hands her a fresh snack.
Her face is redder than heâs ever seen it, but he canât tell if sheâs flushed or just pissed off. (Itâs probably the latter. This is Amy, after all.)
âFine. Iâll sit down with that waste of a womb, and Iâll have tea.â
Selinaâs ranting again, probably something about the British ambassador she has a meeting with next week.
Dan doesnât really give enough of a shit to listen. And heâs too busy watching Amy tear into a blueberry muffin â and almost swallow a piece of the freakingâ wrapper â to pretend to give a single flying shit.
She has her phone in her free hand, and he can tell itâs ringing because the phone is way brighter than it should be and itâs fucking vibrating in her palm.
âAre you gonna get that?â He asks, and it must have been louder than he thought because everyone turns to look at him, and for once Dan isnât a fan of being the centre of attention.
âNo.â The blonde just scowls, shoves in a final piece of muffin before she tosses the casing down into the trashcan beside her desk, âWhy?â
âBecause itâs ringing and youâve got, like, fuckinâ iPhone OCD, or some shit.â
Amy mumbles something under her breath, glancing down at her phone just as the call ends. She shrugs, tossing her phone down on the desk, but he can tell sheâs hiding something.
âDan?â Selina calls him, and he whips around to face the petite woman, âAre you done? Would you care to rejoin the other Misfits Toys?â She nods her head towards Kent and Ben.
Amyâs phone rings again, just then, and she actually steps outside of the room to take the call this time. (Selina doesnât even bat an eye at her.)
When the room falls silent and theyâre all quite clearly waiting for him to quip something up, he suggests having a âtit Ă titâ with the brit â even if the thought wasnât really there and heâs not sure what the fuck one of those would even consist of. Selina buys it.
âTit Ă tit.â She rubs her hands together, and her rings clash and grind together, âI donât not like it.â She says, âKent, can we-â
He zones out again as soon as the conversation picks up, and he uncrosses his legs when Amy hangs up the phone outside. Itâs not like heâs staring, heâs just⌠What the fuck is up with her?
âJust go.â Selina kicks him with the toe of her stiletto, in the fucking shin, and heâs up and out of the room before she can change her mind. âDonât be fucking in that coat closet. The paintâs still wet.â
âWhat are you doing?â
The doorâs shut behind him, and Amyâs staring up at him now. Her face is a little paler than before, but her eyes are wide (more bug-eyed than their usual), and she looks⌠teary. She looks on the verge of actual fucking tears.
âWhat the fuck happened to you?â He definitely didnât sign up for this. âWhat, did your battery die?â
âMy dad had another heart attack, you prick.â Amy informs him, and her arms are folding over her chest in such a defensive way that heâs not sure theyâll ever uncross.
âOh.â With a gulp, he tries for a smile (though itâs definitely more sinister than he intends it to be), âDoes this mean he wonât be making Thanksgiving dinner?â
âAre you-â Her eyes darken, and heâs positive sheâs gonna punch him in the face, âFuck you.â
âIâm just⌠Look, Iâm sorry.â He offers, and his arms flap against his sides. His face is anything but comforting, he knows. Well, shit. What does she want?
He canât have heard that right.
âJust,â she starts, and she takes two steps closer to him. Her arms donât outstretch â if anything, she just folds in on herself even more, âI need a hug, asshole.â
Dan doesnât move to hug her, instead just waits for her to force his arms open, which⌠yeah, sheâs obviously going to do that.
He rolls his eyes, shuffles closer until he can pull her into him, wrapping his arms around her smaller frame. Sheâs still against him, though, stiff as a cardboard cutout, and Dan has to rock her (shake her) before she sinks into him, âHeâs not gonna die.â
âHe might.â She doesnât sound like sheâs crying, but he thinks sheâs perfected the art of masquerading tears by now. (And he knows sheâs crying because he can feel the wet patches start to form on his chest, seeping through his shirt.)
Since when is she one for affection? Or, well, touching? Since when is he one to comply?
âSo, he might not make it to Thanksgiving then?â He asks, joking, but maybe she takes it more seriously than he means it. Itâs not like- âOw! What the fuck?â
Her hand is at his waist, having just pinched the taunt skin over his ribs. âCould you be less of an asshole for just five fucking seconds?â
âFine.â He grumbles, moves his arm from around her waist to her shoulders.
She tucks her head in under his chin, and he can smell the floral shampoo she used that morning. It smells of daisies and- Fuck.
âIâm just saying, itâs one less person to feed. And we all know your sisterâs little brats eat like fuckinâ Gremlins.â
âYouâre not supposed to feed Gremlins, dipshit.â
Sheâs crying, but sheâs still her because sheâs calling him names, and everything is actually kind of⌠normal.
âEven better.â He whispers, and Amy hiccups, and he knows sheâs smirking against his chest â her face is all mushed into his shirt and, oddly, he doesnât mind. âNow we just need to get the kid to eat his fuckinâ greens.â
âHeâs a year old, Dan.â She reminds him, and then her hand drops from his waist and she grabs his belt, hooks a finger through one of the hoops. âHeâs healthy.â
âTrue.â He nods, tilts his head to the side in a way that makes her look up. The tear stains are faint, but theyâre there, and heâs so tempted to tell her- âWell, you look like shit.â
âFuck off.â She says, pulling on the belt loop, forcing his front into her, âYou signed up for this.â
âAny chance I can get a refund? I didnât sign up for the daddyâs girl tears and all that shit.â He reminds her, âI signed up for you, Brookheimer. Not your whole batshit family.â
âYou married into the batshit so now youâre just gonna have to deal with it.â She pokes his side this time, a little harder than the pinch, âGrow the fuck up.â
âNo offence but I think I grew up plenty when you shot my fuckinâ kid outta your vag.â
âCare you grow up some more?â
âWhat the fuck is that supposed to mean?â
âIâm pregnant.â She tells him, and then she fucking smirks. âAgain.â